29,march,2009
Can i ever get back??will i ever be whole again??or is that what love about constantly giving of my self continually turn to god to fill me with it self,who is love it self??i dont want to come to the point where i'm empty and have nothing left to give.i'm so scared to trust again,where is the balance GOD???????
I dont want to hurt but i dont want to miss at on love!!my fears are great but i know i have to endure the pain and risk frusting again,GOD lead me forward,i desire to follow you anywhere you want me to go.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Longing for closeness
29,march,2009
As progress become more evident,i became more frustrated when i'd slip into old protective habits,just when i thought i was free,painfull issues from the past came back to haunt me,sometimes it seemed i was taking only one step forward and five steps back.
Many times i became frustrated and wanted to give up,why continue this relationship and fighting so hard when each victory preceded a frustating defeat??
i feel so depressed i haven't cried this much more than a week,the old thoughts of despair and hopelessness are back.
I thought i had dealt with everything,but every once in a while past knocks me for a loof and i relize there are many issues yet to be resolved and that hurts,it isn't fair at all.....
I wonder what kind of person i'd be today??i keep thinking about all the years while i had my happiness of live.there's so much i wish i could change....
As progress become more evident,i became more frustrated when i'd slip into old protective habits,just when i thought i was free,painfull issues from the past came back to haunt me,sometimes it seemed i was taking only one step forward and five steps back.
Many times i became frustrated and wanted to give up,why continue this relationship and fighting so hard when each victory preceded a frustating defeat??
i feel so depressed i haven't cried this much more than a week,the old thoughts of despair and hopelessness are back.
I thought i had dealt with everything,but every once in a while past knocks me for a loof and i relize there are many issues yet to be resolved and that hurts,it isn't fair at all.....
I wonder what kind of person i'd be today??i keep thinking about all the years while i had my happiness of live.there's so much i wish i could change....
Umbrella of sadness
29,march,2009
Right now i'm sitting on my bed thinking and crying my eyes out,i feel so alone like there's no one who will listen from the looks of things now,it doesn't seem like i'll ever be truly happy.i had so many dreams,but they are all fading fast,i'm scared i'll feel like this forever,i dont see the point of going on.
I thought about my life and my relationship constantly and sank into a deep depression that lasted for months.huddled under an ever present umbrella of sadness,i wondered if i would ever feel joy again,my sleeping patterns changes and althought i slept most of time,i still battled fatigue,irritability and moodiness.
But i'm beginning to relized somethings there is so much rage inside me that needs to come out and i have a short fuse.i never caunly talk through a problem with the other person,i either yell and scream or ignore the person i'm mad at while seething inside it has become a habit for me.
Right now i'm sitting on my bed thinking and crying my eyes out,i feel so alone like there's no one who will listen from the looks of things now,it doesn't seem like i'll ever be truly happy.i had so many dreams,but they are all fading fast,i'm scared i'll feel like this forever,i dont see the point of going on.
I thought about my life and my relationship constantly and sank into a deep depression that lasted for months.huddled under an ever present umbrella of sadness,i wondered if i would ever feel joy again,my sleeping patterns changes and althought i slept most of time,i still battled fatigue,irritability and moodiness.
But i'm beginning to relized somethings there is so much rage inside me that needs to come out and i have a short fuse.i never caunly talk through a problem with the other person,i either yell and scream or ignore the person i'm mad at while seething inside it has become a habit for me.
U didn't care about me
28,march,2009
Today i was sitting alone at the window side of my bedroom,raining pouring outside really heavy.seem like my tears keep on rolling down since four months ago.another time i was so quiet listening to rain drop.suddenly my fone was ringging,it shown somebody number that i really know it very well.yeah it's ROCK was calling me and i was so excited and happy to pick up the fone and say hi to him...i though he was care about me from he's deep heart.but then i was wrong...at all,he calling me only when he's needed money.
Oh my GOD pls help me to open he's heart,i want truly love and serious relationship not fake love like this.everything i ready put him at first than my own family but he treat me badddddddddd......
I truly doesn't like he's habit at all,he's habit make me sick all the time..but he's dont care about thathe only know somebody must be fulfill what he want and never think where and how hard to get it,but after he get everything he want he will ignoring that person even only to pick up a phone or replay sms he's seems dont have time for it.
I think he was much selfish when someone else need he's helped he only can give promissing,i much relized about that now and what i treat him before was wrong.i thought he will helping me but not at all,when i was down seems more worse to kick me away,no any helped or support at all.
I really feel hurt about itbut i only can keep it without saying out to other.god pls helped me to face this all and give me power to stand with all of this feeling.
Today i was sitting alone at the window side of my bedroom,raining pouring outside really heavy.seem like my tears keep on rolling down since four months ago.another time i was so quiet listening to rain drop.suddenly my fone was ringging,it shown somebody number that i really know it very well.yeah it's ROCK was calling me and i was so excited and happy to pick up the fone and say hi to him...i though he was care about me from he's deep heart.but then i was wrong...at all,he calling me only when he's needed money.
Oh my GOD pls help me to open he's heart,i want truly love and serious relationship not fake love like this.everything i ready put him at first than my own family but he treat me badddddddddd......
I truly doesn't like he's habit at all,he's habit make me sick all the time..but he's dont care about thathe only know somebody must be fulfill what he want and never think where and how hard to get it,but after he get everything he want he will ignoring that person even only to pick up a phone or replay sms he's seems dont have time for it.
I think he was much selfish when someone else need he's helped he only can give promissing,i much relized about that now and what i treat him before was wrong.i thought he will helping me but not at all,when i was down seems more worse to kick me away,no any helped or support at all.
I really feel hurt about itbut i only can keep it without saying out to other.god pls helped me to face this all and give me power to stand with all of this feeling.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Postive emotions awakened
27,march,2009
But asi learned to express the negative emotions i had suppressed so long,i found i was making room for positive emotions to reawakend as well.little by little life seemed less of a burden.god began to show me signs of true living.i began to:SMILE,LAUGH AND FEEL A JOY i hadn't felt for more than four months.
Even tears were a gift i was becoming more comfortable with my emotions.i still had a hard time talking about my feelings,but at least i was finally feeling again.i prefered anything over the deadness i'd known for so long.being a live means experiencing fully life's joy and sorrow,laughter and tears.the joy make the pain more bearable,and the pain makes the joy that much sweeter.
The bud was begining to blossom a sweet delight to my soul,the metamorphosiscame withpain,as i continued to find out.yet some how that made the transformation even more beautiful.
With hope again within my grasp,i reached out and clung to it with everything in me,the light was beginning to pierce the darkness of my soul,and i was so thankful.maybe god had been listening to my pleas.for mercy all along the nightmares hadceased and the fear was lessening as i continued to expose the monster to the light.
But asi learned to express the negative emotions i had suppressed so long,i found i was making room for positive emotions to reawakend as well.little by little life seemed less of a burden.god began to show me signs of true living.i began to:SMILE,LAUGH AND FEEL A JOY i hadn't felt for more than four months.
Even tears were a gift i was becoming more comfortable with my emotions.i still had a hard time talking about my feelings,but at least i was finally feeling again.i prefered anything over the deadness i'd known for so long.being a live means experiencing fully life's joy and sorrow,laughter and tears.the joy make the pain more bearable,and the pain makes the joy that much sweeter.
The bud was begining to blossom a sweet delight to my soul,the metamorphosiscame withpain,as i continued to find out.yet some how that made the transformation even more beautiful.
With hope again within my grasp,i reached out and clung to it with everything in me,the light was beginning to pierce the darkness of my soul,and i was so thankful.maybe god had been listening to my pleas.for mercy all along the nightmares hadceased and the fear was lessening as i continued to expose the monster to the light.
Peace Place
27,march,2009
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Anger an honest Emotion
25,march,2009
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
I must let it go
25,march,2009
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Addictive and authentic love says:
21,march,2009
Add;1)I cant live without u,you give my live meaning...
aut:1)I can live without ubut i choose not to.
2)You make me feel valuable when i'm with you,i'm somebody..
2)I'm a valuable person and you affirm value to me.
3)I cant make it on my own...
3)I can make iton my own,having you as my part of my life make it easier.
4)I want you to be a total part of my life,an i want to be a total part of yours.
4)We are two separate people with individual lives to lead i encaurage you to
pursue your interest and i will pursue mine,this kind of space and divers
sity is good for us.
5)All the hard times are worth the good times,i will be there no matter what
happens.
5)Love should seek another's highest good,to the best of my abality,i will do that
for you...
6)I cant bear to think of you sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone
else,you aretheonly one who has ever understood me.
6)We are richer for sharing our lives with other people,i encourage you to have
other close relathiomship.
7)You should be sensitive to my neds,i have feelings,youknow and i need you
to take that into consideration.
7)Mutuality is the glue that holds us together,i enjoy you and in that enjoyment many of my needs for importance belonging and intimacy are met.
8)If u really care you will threat me the way i need to be threated to feel good.
8)I will accept the way u show me you care about me,sometimes i may have to ask u abt yr actions,but generally i will take at face value what you say an do.
Add;1)I cant live without u,you give my live meaning...
aut:1)I can live without ubut i choose not to.
2)You make me feel valuable when i'm with you,i'm somebody..
2)I'm a valuable person and you affirm value to me.
3)I cant make it on my own...
3)I can make iton my own,having you as my part of my life make it easier.
4)I want you to be a total part of my life,an i want to be a total part of yours.
4)We are two separate people with individual lives to lead i encaurage you to
pursue your interest and i will pursue mine,this kind of space and divers
sity is good for us.
5)All the hard times are worth the good times,i will be there no matter what
happens.
5)Love should seek another's highest good,to the best of my abality,i will do that
for you...
6)I cant bear to think of you sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone
else,you aretheonly one who has ever understood me.
6)We are richer for sharing our lives with other people,i encourage you to have
other close relathiomship.
7)You should be sensitive to my neds,i have feelings,youknow and i need you
to take that into consideration.
7)Mutuality is the glue that holds us together,i enjoy you and in that enjoyment many of my needs for importance belonging and intimacy are met.
8)If u really care you will threat me the way i need to be threated to feel good.
8)I will accept the way u show me you care about me,sometimes i may have to ask u abt yr actions,but generally i will take at face value what you say an do.
Friday, March 20, 2009
To be Invisible
20,march,2009
Because i based my self esteem on what others thought of me,unknowingly i gave thempower to define my value,i wanted-needed-everyone to like me,so i became a people pleaser,trying to blend in,i didn't like my self but i desperately wanted to believe that someone did.
From the time started i wanted to be invisible,i was quiet and very private to avoid being hurt,mocked,or rejected.i rarely revealed my feelings or opinion.
I find my self believing in my daydreams so strongly that i get hurt and disappointed when reality hits me,my daydreams are very unrealistic,i know that but it helps me escape.
Because i based my self esteem on what others thought of me,unknowingly i gave thempower to define my value,i wanted-needed-everyone to like me,so i became a people pleaser,trying to blend in,i didn't like my self but i desperately wanted to believe that someone did.
From the time started i wanted to be invisible,i was quiet and very private to avoid being hurt,mocked,or rejected.i rarely revealed my feelings or opinion.
I find my self believing in my daydreams so strongly that i get hurt and disappointed when reality hits me,my daydreams are very unrealistic,i know that but it helps me escape.
New places
march,03,2009
After a week i'm tryingmy new job and places,but i'm still uncomfortable and oesn't believe why i'm here???this is normal feeling i whisper to my self coz i never been in this places before,the places that i'm staying right now is really far from the city.but is really clam and nice places.
I'm staying with friendly family i like them all coz they're treat me really nice and polite(thanks god)
After i done all of my job i send sms to''bilal''the sms quiet funny exacly hehehehe...but it can make me feel comfortable even all of this is fake maybe...this is he's sms:
##U SK YOUR HEART?AM I NEVER ROMANTIC?IM NOT LOYAL?I'M NOT SINCERE?WHO GET ANGRY?U OR ME?WHO START FIGHTING U OR ME?I ALWAYS AGREE I TOLD U THE TRUTH.(11:25:40PM)
##PLEASE IT WASN'T ME IN THE VIDEO,I'LL COME&WATCH VIDEO WITH U&YR FRIEND,THEN ASK HR TO PROVE IT TO ME,ALRIGHT?PLZ BEE,DONT SAY IT WAS ME.IT WAS NOT ME(11:27:38PM)
##Ok i promise,i'll be loyal to u.honest,never tell a lie and will love you forever,okey!(11:30:24pm)
##Well.i'll never make u disappointe,but what do u mean by same mistake?(11:46:08pm)
##Yeah sure,i'll try to be same as before.plz dont cry and i love you,i'm sick,i took madicines&i'm going to bed,good night and i love you(12:06:19am-04,march,2009)
##HI MOON .DIM YR LIGHT,HELLO WIND!BREEZE SOFT.HI FLOWER!BLOSSOM SLOWLY.HELLO EARTH!SPIN GENTLY CAUSE MY WIFE IS GOING TO SLEEP.GOOD NIGHT MY LOVE.(12:49:12AM-04.03.2009)
After a week i'm tryingmy new job and places,but i'm still uncomfortable and oesn't believe why i'm here???this is normal feeling i whisper to my self coz i never been in this places before,the places that i'm staying right now is really far from the city.but is really clam and nice places.
I'm staying with friendly family i like them all coz they're treat me really nice and polite(thanks god)
After i done all of my job i send sms to''bilal''the sms quiet funny exacly hehehehe...but it can make me feel comfortable even all of this is fake maybe...this is he's sms:
##U SK YOUR HEART?AM I NEVER ROMANTIC?IM NOT LOYAL?I'M NOT SINCERE?WHO GET ANGRY?U OR ME?WHO START FIGHTING U OR ME?I ALWAYS AGREE I TOLD U THE TRUTH.(11:25:40PM)
##PLEASE IT WASN'T ME IN THE VIDEO,I'LL COME&WATCH VIDEO WITH U&YR FRIEND,THEN ASK HR TO PROVE IT TO ME,ALRIGHT?PLZ BEE,DONT SAY IT WAS ME.IT WAS NOT ME(11:27:38PM)
##Ok i promise,i'll be loyal to u.honest,never tell a lie and will love you forever,okey!(11:30:24pm)
##Well.i'll never make u disappointe,but what do u mean by same mistake?(11:46:08pm)
##Yeah sure,i'll try to be same as before.plz dont cry and i love you,i'm sick,i took madicines&i'm going to bed,good night and i love you(12:06:19am-04,march,2009)
##HI MOON .DIM YR LIGHT,HELLO WIND!BREEZE SOFT.HI FLOWER!BLOSSOM SLOWLY.HELLO EARTH!SPIN GENTLY CAUSE MY WIFE IS GOING TO SLEEP.GOOD NIGHT MY LOVE.(12:49:12AM-04.03.2009)
I'm backkkkk
feb,23,2009
Puih...today at 9.30am i'm going back o hongkong,after more than two months i'm down at MACAU,macau is really small places part of hongkong but it belongs to''PORTUGAL''just need 1 hour trip by ship to reach there.
By the way before i leave macau i need to face macau police for hour,because of my visa problem,yeah i ready staying over there for more than a weeks,then surely they asking me to pay overstay fee.not much actually but i doesn't pay it hehehehehe...little bit nervous of course i thought macau police was really strict but what i was tinking is wrong,they really nice and polite.after they check my passport they ask me wether i'm going to pay theoverstay fee or not,after talking for a while then they askme go to imigration hall,one of the police man smile and ask me to sit down for a while and did asking me the same queston wether i'm pay the overstay fee or not,if not then they will blacklist me for one year.
A minute latter he's giving me a form for my document details,after i finish do the form then they took picture of mine from my front,back,right and left side of my side.and they make sure how tall am i and so they take my both finger print(oh god....)i just feel like an a thief,but anyway all are ready had done heheheehe...
Anyway macau is realy make my life changes hundred persen heheheeh not hundret yet but nearly...before many people know me that i was so'selfish,unkind,and arrogant''but macau really teaching me to be mature and knowing who am i.i much relized and learn how it feel if we didnt have muchmoney for live.that i ready feel it,before i was arrogant and bossful coz i had much money and i can buy anything i want without thinking what will going to be happend next,before i always out for dinner,do big shopping that can speand$10.000 hkd at once.in macau i really learn how to have simple live for future,for now onward i must be great person.
15 minutes i will reach hongkong i feel much happy,but beside that i'm feeling upsed so deeply,god know it very well what was happening 1 month ago.and god know ow i feel right now(My allah please give mepower of live to face all the reality of of this life)
I did must be strong to continue tis live for future even my heart are really hurt i whispering to my self.i believe god always with me and i leaft up everything up to god and time will answer everything.
At 11.30am i reach at shun tak ferry terminal,i walking alone,i was thinking that someone i love will wellcomeme in this time,hug me with love,kiss me and hold my hand,just like other couple that i had seen.but no one was wellcome me when i arriving here,i wanted to cry and feelling really hurting whenever i seen couple long the road,why i cant be like them i keep asking my heart and i cant fine the answer till now.i wanted to cry in every steps i whad walk throught.
MY LIVE SO SADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...!!!!!
Puih...today at 9.30am i'm going back o hongkong,after more than two months i'm down at MACAU,macau is really small places part of hongkong but it belongs to''PORTUGAL''just need 1 hour trip by ship to reach there.
By the way before i leave macau i need to face macau police for hour,because of my visa problem,yeah i ready staying over there for more than a weeks,then surely they asking me to pay overstay fee.not much actually but i doesn't pay it hehehehehe...little bit nervous of course i thought macau police was really strict but what i was tinking is wrong,they really nice and polite.after they check my passport they ask me wether i'm going to pay theoverstay fee or not,after talking for a while then they askme go to imigration hall,one of the police man smile and ask me to sit down for a while and did asking me the same queston wether i'm pay the overstay fee or not,if not then they will blacklist me for one year.
A minute latter he's giving me a form for my document details,after i finish do the form then they took picture of mine from my front,back,right and left side of my side.and they make sure how tall am i and so they take my both finger print(oh god....)i just feel like an a thief,but anyway all are ready had done heheheehe...
Anyway macau is realy make my life changes hundred persen heheheeh not hundret yet but nearly...before many people know me that i was so'selfish,unkind,and arrogant''but macau really teaching me to be mature and knowing who am i.i much relized and learn how it feel if we didnt have muchmoney for live.that i ready feel it,before i was arrogant and bossful coz i had much money and i can buy anything i want without thinking what will going to be happend next,before i always out for dinner,do big shopping that can speand$10.000 hkd at once.in macau i really learn how to have simple live for future,for now onward i must be great person.
15 minutes i will reach hongkong i feel much happy,but beside that i'm feeling upsed so deeply,god know it very well what was happening 1 month ago.and god know ow i feel right now(My allah please give mepower of live to face all the reality of of this life)
I did must be strong to continue tis live for future even my heart are really hurt i whispering to my self.i believe god always with me and i leaft up everything up to god and time will answer everything.
At 11.30am i reach at shun tak ferry terminal,i walking alone,i was thinking that someone i love will wellcomeme in this time,hug me with love,kiss me and hold my hand,just like other couple that i had seen.but no one was wellcome me when i arriving here,i wanted to cry and feelling really hurting whenever i seen couple long the road,why i cant be like them i keep asking my heart and i cant fine the answer till now.i wanted to cry in every steps i whad walk throught.
MY LIVE SO SADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...!!!!!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Two weeks
Two weeks from now...
I'll huged you more than i've hugged you before
I'll kiss you like never kissed before.
And i'll love you more than ever each day
See you soon!!!
I'm so looking forward to share with you the days i speant without you.
And even more excited to share all the future days with you!!!
And even never again...i hope and pray we never be far from you...
LOVE YOU DARLING....
I'll huged you more than i've hugged you before
I'll kiss you like never kissed before.
And i'll love you more than ever each day
See you soon!!!
I'm so looking forward to share with you the days i speant without you.
And even more excited to share all the future days with you!!!
And even never again...i hope and pray we never be far from you...
LOVE YOU DARLING....
Friday, February 20, 2009
God Knows
When you feel tired and hopeless bcoz all your efforts turn out to be nothing
God knows how hard you have tried...
When you cried for so long,yet your heart is still painful
God has counted your teardrops
When you think that your life is waiting for something and time goes so fast
God is waiting with you
When you feel lonely and your friends are too busy to call you
God is always by your side...
When u think you have tried everything and don't know what else to do.
God has the answer...
When everything does not make sense and you feel depressed
God can calm you down...
When you suddenly see a trace of hope..
God is whispering to you
When everything goes well and you feel like givingthanks
God hass blessed you
When something beautifull happends and you are filled with awe
God has smiled to you..
When you have vision to fulfill and dreams to make them come true...
God has opened you eyes called you by name...
Remember that wherever you are facing....
God knows...
Thanks for being
I thank the lord for putting you into my life..
Though i never say it openly,i'am amazed and grateful..
For who you are...
For your warmth,cares and loving kindness...
For always being on my side and protecting me,
Wiping,my tears and cheering me up.
You always succeed to put smiles on my face and fill my days with laughters....
I learn to understand the purity of your love...
Through the sparkle of your eyes...
Through the smiles on your face...
Through the kisses of your lips...
I learn you are being true...
When you say''dont worry!!leave the worry to me''
You embrace me with warmth...
I learn too cherish you,to miss you...
To open my heart and give you space inside it...
I learn to say with all my heart''i love you''
Missing you
I missing you babe...but what can i do???i also dont know wether ur missing me there or not!!!Everytime i think of you,i feel as if my soul wants tp f;y tp where you are.it's been a while since the last time i talked about you.if you noticed,lots been going on between us:many discussions,some misunderstandings,bit of jokes,arguments and other things,but plenty of laughs and love.
We are doing fine and happy,although sometimes he is too busy doing research that it can be difficult for us to find time to talk with each other.however i'am ha[[y that we continually send emails to each other and our trust getting stronger.our faith growing mature.
My v day-surprise call!!!
friday,20,feb,2009
While i was busy checking my emails around 11 p.m,my mobile phone was ringing....ANYNOMOUS CALL**who could it be???i was surprised to hear his voice.it was my dear friend rafe....
I was so happy to have conversationwith him,it was much such a sweet surprise,although it was only a 7-minutes conversation.i can feel how caring he is,but...that's not enough for him.and just now when i opened my email,i found an e-card from him.i really never expected to recieve such sweet gifts at all,but he left me amazed.
While i was busy checking my emails around 11 p.m,my mobile phone was ringing....ANYNOMOUS CALL**who could it be???i was surprised to hear his voice.it was my dear friend rafe....
I was so happy to have conversationwith him,it was much such a sweet surprise,although it was only a 7-minutes conversation.i can feel how caring he is,but...that's not enough for him.and just now when i opened my email,i found an e-card from him.i really never expected to recieve such sweet gifts at all,but he left me amazed.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
What is inside my mind????????
This time why did i remember about that video again???and my feeling tell me in sure that it was''rock''i remember on that time i try to call him 3 times but he doesn't want to answer my call,and so when i asking him he said he go to sham tsui po to buy battrei without bring his mobile phone?its really impossible right??and also when on new year eve i did call him many2 times but he doesn't answer my call,i guest he also enjoying the night with her female friend without telling me b4,or sometimes he dont have much time with me since in HK he speand with his female friend??and much more??or even he ask for money he use to buy any stuff for his chinese female friend??i fell really hurt abt it.i did give him everything and try to give him the best,telling him anything but why he done that to me??when he fell happy why did he kick me away??but whenever he need something why he did come to me?is it i'm he;s toys??my ALLAH pls help me to find this answer and pls give punishment to someone who hurt me and play behind me,only u my ALLAH who i have in this words and who can only help me(amin)my tears running down in my paintfull heart.
**for someone who really make me*feel hurt**
**for someone who really make me*feel hurt**
Knit
Well...to get my stress of my brain,i'm starting to knit scarf again.yeah another scarf i finished one when just arriving in macau.i was intending to make it for my self,but my friend rafe likes it at the first minute he saw it,when he was visiting me in macau,besides,he needs one anyway since winter has arrive at his place and he bad cold that day b4 he visiting me.so...i give it to him,i was happy that he wears it alot for work and whenever he going.he's mum and he's sister in law told me to make more for spme family and other relatives there coz they like it so much...(hang on second!!i only have two hands and this really depends on my mood hahahaha....)
I also made one brown scarf for my bro and he's wearing at sometimes when he going out at night time**happy**I think i can make business out of it prety much now,but now i am still learning to do simple pattnerns now,so still a beginner......
Sometimes i do stress out when i make a mistake,especially if i spot it after i am already geting so far from it,i have to take off all the knits untill the wrong spot and do them all over again.but...it's just taking quiet some times to finish it,that's all....
SPECIAL THANKS TO RAFE THAT INTRODUCE ME TO HE'S FAMILY IN PAKI,AND THANKS ALSO TO ALL OF THEM THAT GIVING ME NICE WELLCOMING,I FEEL REALLY HAPPY FOR IT,,,,AND I'M ALSO HAPPY HE'S LIKE THE KNIT THAT I GIVE IT TO HIM...THANKS RAFE...U REALLY MAKE ME MUCH HAPPY THAT I NEVER HAD FOR LONG..LONG TIME...AND UR 1ST PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME SMILE SO BRIGHT AFTER MUCH DISAPPOINTED FELLING I HAD,I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS...
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