tuesday,december 22-2009
Out of seasons of the year,i love this season of cristmas so much.the festivies,the celebration of christ,the beautiful twinkling and sparkling lights in the shops and each corner of everywhere,they all warm my heart during the icy cold cruel winter.it's like...although people don't really take christmas as celebration of christ's birth...they still celebrate christmas.they gather together and have christmas dinner,family, love.warmth and happiness is all around christmas i love that...
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Off to Thailand
15-november-2009
See you soon friend,i'm going off to holidays now...i'm super duper excited to go to thailand.i've planned my journey and praying that everything will go well and smoothly.can't wait to see there soon.
Holiday mood is on...!!!
See you soon friend,i'm going off to holidays now...i'm super duper excited to go to thailand.i've planned my journey and praying that everything will go well and smoothly.can't wait to see there soon.
Holiday mood is on...!!!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
You Are...
You are the LOVE of my life,
You are the HOPE that I cling to,
You mean more than this world to me...
I wouldn't trade you for silver or gold
I wouldn't trade you riches untold...
You are, You are my everything...
It's amazing, when I think of You, Lord... You mean more than anything that I could describe in this life. Thank you for such a wonderful journey of life with You... Without You, I won't be here and I won't have what I have, I won't even have the life I live right now.
You really foreknew me, ever since I was in the womb. You knitted me and shaped me with Your tender and warm hands. Your caress and embrace, I will never forget. And, above all, how You bring meanings to my life that no dictionaries can ever describe.
You are the reasons for the existence of all my beings, my breath, my smiles, my tears and every bit of me.
"I love YOU" is never be enough
You are the HOPE that I cling to,
You mean more than this world to me...
I wouldn't trade you for silver or gold
I wouldn't trade you riches untold...
You are, You are my everything...
It's amazing, when I think of You, Lord... You mean more than anything that I could describe in this life. Thank you for such a wonderful journey of life with You... Without You, I won't be here and I won't have what I have, I won't even have the life I live right now.
You really foreknew me, ever since I was in the womb. You knitted me and shaped me with Your tender and warm hands. Your caress and embrace, I will never forget. And, above all, how You bring meanings to my life that no dictionaries can ever describe.
You are the reasons for the existence of all my beings, my breath, my smiles, my tears and every bit of me.
"I love YOU" is never be enough
Sunday, June 21, 2009
LOVE
aku mungkin bukan wanita terbaikmu
atau mungkin bukan kekasih impianmu
tetapi aku memujamu seolah kau diatas langit
tak dapat kuraih
namun membuatku ingin selalu memelukmu
aku mungkin bukan perempuan cintamu
atau pendamping hidupmu
tetapi bagiku kaulah raja
yang selalu menguatkan hidupku
Tak mungkinkah aku memilikimU?
atau mungkin bukan kekasih impianmu
tetapi aku memujamu seolah kau diatas langit
tak dapat kuraih
namun membuatku ingin selalu memelukmu
aku mungkin bukan perempuan cintamu
atau pendamping hidupmu
tetapi bagiku kaulah raja
yang selalu menguatkan hidupku
Tak mungkinkah aku memilikimU?
great poem
Are You In Love With Someone?
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short e-mail fromthat special someone than other many long e-mails,you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you wouldnot hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.
While you are reading this e-mail, if someoneappears in your mind,then u are in love with that person.
Love Is Unseen
Kenapa kita menutup mata ketika kita tidur?
ketika kita menangis?
ketika kita membayangkan?
Ini karena hal terindah di dunia TIDAK TERLIHAT...
Ada hal-hal yang tidak ingin kita lepaskan..
Ada orang-orang yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan...
Tapi ingatlah...
melepaskan BUKAN akhir dari dunia..
melainkan awal suatu kehidupan baru..
Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yang menangis,
Mereka yang tersakiti,
mereka yang telah mencari...
dan mereka yang telah mencoba..
Karena MEREKALAH yang bisa menghargai
betapapentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupanmereka...
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short e-mail fromthat special someone than other many long e-mails,you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you wouldnot hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.
While you are reading this e-mail, if someoneappears in your mind,then u are in love with that person.
Love Is Unseen
Kenapa kita menutup mata ketika kita tidur?
ketika kita menangis?
ketika kita membayangkan?
Ini karena hal terindah di dunia TIDAK TERLIHAT...
Ada hal-hal yang tidak ingin kita lepaskan..
Ada orang-orang yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan...
Tapi ingatlah...
melepaskan BUKAN akhir dari dunia..
melainkan awal suatu kehidupan baru..
Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yang menangis,
Mereka yang tersakiti,
mereka yang telah mencari...
dan mereka yang telah mencoba..
Karena MEREKALAH yang bisa menghargai
betapapentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupanmereka...
SAND AND FOAM
We shall never understand one another
until we reduce the language to seven
words.
Every dragon gives birth to a St. George
who slays it.
Tolerance is love sick with the sickness
of haughtiness.
When my cup is empty I resign myself
to its emptiness but when it is half full
I resent its half-fullness.
Long Did I lie in the dust of Egypt,
silent and unaware of the seasons.
Then the sun gave me birth, and I rose
and walked upon the banks of the Nile,
Singing with the days and dreaming
with the nights.
And now the sun treads upon me with a
thousand feet that I may lie again in the
dust of Egypt.
But behold a marvel and a riddle!
The very sun that gathered me cannot
scatter me.
Still erect am I, and sure of foot do I
walk upon the banks of the Nile.
Strange that we all defend our wrongs
with more vigor than we do our rights.
It was but yesterday I thought myself a
fragment quivering without rhythm in the
sphere of life.
Now I know that I am the sphere, and
all life in rhythmic fragments moves
within me.
Love is the veil between lover and lover.
We are all prisoners but some of us are
in cells with windows and some without
When you reach the end of what you should
know, you will be at the beginning of what
you should sense.
How narrow is the vision that exalts
the busyness of the ant above the singing
of the grasshopper.
My loneliness was born when men praised
my talkative faults and blamed my silent
virtues.
The most pitiful among men is he who
turns his dreams into silver and gold.
Though the wave of words is forever
upon us, yet our depth is forever silent.
One may not reach the dawn save by
the path of the night.
Even the masks of life are masks of
deeper mystery.
Let us not be particular and sectional.
The poet's mind and the scorpion's tail
rise in glory from the same earth.
All our words are but crumbs that fall
down from the feast of the mind.
Mayhap a funeral among men is a wedding
feast among the angels.
Worms will turn but is it not strange
that even elephants will yield?
A traveler am I and a navigator, and
every day I discover a new region within
my soul.
They dip their pens in our hearts and
think they are inspired.
If you can see only what light reveals
and hear only what sound announces,
Then in truth you do not see nor do you
hear.
A woman protested saying, "Of course
it was a righteous war. My son fell in
it."
Remembrance is a form of meeting.
Genius is but a robin's song at the
beginning of a slow spring.
He who would understand a woman, or
dissect genius, or solve the mystery of
silence is the very man who would wake
from a beautiful dream to sit at a
breakfast table.
They spread before us their riches of
gold and silver, of ivory and ebony, and
we spread before them our hearts and our
spirits
And yet they deem themselves the hosts
and us the guests.
You are truly a forgiver when you
forgive murderers who never spill
blood, thieves who never steal,
and liars who utter no falsehood.
I have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant, and kindness
from the unkind yet strange, I am ungrateful
to these teachers.
A truth is to be known always, to be
uttered sometimes.
When a man's hand touches the hand of
a woman they both touch the heart of
eternity.
We often sing lullabyes to our children
that we ourselves may sleep.
Once I saw the face of a woman, and I
beheld all her children not yet born.
And a woman looked upon my face and
she knew all my forefathers, dead before
she was born.
Only once have I been made mute. It
was when a man asked me, "Who are you?"
If your heart is a volcano how shall you
expect flowers to bloom in you hands
When you see a man led to prison say
in your heart, "Mayhap he is escaping
from a narrower prison."
And when you see a man drunken say
in your heart, "Mayhap he sought escape
from something still more unbeautiful
CAHAYA AURAT
Ribuan jilbab berwajah cinta
Membungkus rambut, tubuh sampai ujung kakinya
Karena hakekat cahaya Allah
Ialah terbungkus di selubung rahasia
Siapa bisa menemukan cahaya?
Ialah suami, bukan asal manusia
Jika aurat dipamerkan dikoran dan dijalanan
Allah mengambil kembali cahaya-Nya
Tinggal paha mulus dan leher jenjang
Tinggal bentuk pinggul dan warna buah dada
Para lelaki yang melototkan mata
Hanya menemukan benda
Jika wanita bangga sebagai benda
Turun ke tingkat batu derajat kemakhlukannya
Jika lelaki terbius oleh kekayaan dunia
Luntur manusianya
until we reduce the language to seven
words.
Every dragon gives birth to a St. George
who slays it.
Tolerance is love sick with the sickness
of haughtiness.
When my cup is empty I resign myself
to its emptiness but when it is half full
I resent its half-fullness.
Long Did I lie in the dust of Egypt,
silent and unaware of the seasons.
Then the sun gave me birth, and I rose
and walked upon the banks of the Nile,
Singing with the days and dreaming
with the nights.
And now the sun treads upon me with a
thousand feet that I may lie again in the
dust of Egypt.
But behold a marvel and a riddle!
The very sun that gathered me cannot
scatter me.
Still erect am I, and sure of foot do I
walk upon the banks of the Nile.
Strange that we all defend our wrongs
with more vigor than we do our rights.
It was but yesterday I thought myself a
fragment quivering without rhythm in the
sphere of life.
Now I know that I am the sphere, and
all life in rhythmic fragments moves
within me.
Love is the veil between lover and lover.
We are all prisoners but some of us are
in cells with windows and some without
When you reach the end of what you should
know, you will be at the beginning of what
you should sense.
How narrow is the vision that exalts
the busyness of the ant above the singing
of the grasshopper.
My loneliness was born when men praised
my talkative faults and blamed my silent
virtues.
The most pitiful among men is he who
turns his dreams into silver and gold.
Though the wave of words is forever
upon us, yet our depth is forever silent.
One may not reach the dawn save by
the path of the night.
Even the masks of life are masks of
deeper mystery.
Let us not be particular and sectional.
The poet's mind and the scorpion's tail
rise in glory from the same earth.
All our words are but crumbs that fall
down from the feast of the mind.
Mayhap a funeral among men is a wedding
feast among the angels.
Worms will turn but is it not strange
that even elephants will yield?
A traveler am I and a navigator, and
every day I discover a new region within
my soul.
They dip their pens in our hearts and
think they are inspired.
If you can see only what light reveals
and hear only what sound announces,
Then in truth you do not see nor do you
hear.
A woman protested saying, "Of course
it was a righteous war. My son fell in
it."
Remembrance is a form of meeting.
Genius is but a robin's song at the
beginning of a slow spring.
He who would understand a woman, or
dissect genius, or solve the mystery of
silence is the very man who would wake
from a beautiful dream to sit at a
breakfast table.
They spread before us their riches of
gold and silver, of ivory and ebony, and
we spread before them our hearts and our
spirits
And yet they deem themselves the hosts
and us the guests.
You are truly a forgiver when you
forgive murderers who never spill
blood, thieves who never steal,
and liars who utter no falsehood.
I have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant, and kindness
from the unkind yet strange, I am ungrateful
to these teachers.
A truth is to be known always, to be
uttered sometimes.
When a man's hand touches the hand of
a woman they both touch the heart of
eternity.
We often sing lullabyes to our children
that we ourselves may sleep.
Once I saw the face of a woman, and I
beheld all her children not yet born.
And a woman looked upon my face and
she knew all my forefathers, dead before
she was born.
Only once have I been made mute. It
was when a man asked me, "Who are you?"
If your heart is a volcano how shall you
expect flowers to bloom in you hands
When you see a man led to prison say
in your heart, "Mayhap he is escaping
from a narrower prison."
And when you see a man drunken say
in your heart, "Mayhap he sought escape
from something still more unbeautiful
CAHAYA AURAT
Ribuan jilbab berwajah cinta
Membungkus rambut, tubuh sampai ujung kakinya
Karena hakekat cahaya Allah
Ialah terbungkus di selubung rahasia
Siapa bisa menemukan cahaya?
Ialah suami, bukan asal manusia
Jika aurat dipamerkan dikoran dan dijalanan
Allah mengambil kembali cahaya-Nya
Tinggal paha mulus dan leher jenjang
Tinggal bentuk pinggul dan warna buah dada
Para lelaki yang melototkan mata
Hanya menemukan benda
Jika wanita bangga sebagai benda
Turun ke tingkat batu derajat kemakhlukannya
Jika lelaki terbius oleh kekayaan dunia
Luntur manusianya
~Best Friend~
When I am feeling sorrow and need to talk someone......
you are always there.
when I feel lonely and need to share my thoughts.....
I turn to you and you listen.
when I am feeling joy and want to celebrate.......
you are the to share it with.
You listen you care......
that's what good friends are all about.
I cherish our friendship.....
It is truly a treasure.
I hold your friendship lovingly within in my heart....
Thank you for being my friend
you are always there.
when I feel lonely and need to share my thoughts.....
I turn to you and you listen.
when I am feeling joy and want to celebrate.......
you are the to share it with.
You listen you care......
that's what good friends are all about.
I cherish our friendship.....
It is truly a treasure.
I hold your friendship lovingly within in my heart....
Thank you for being my friend
Best friend
Is like a light in darkness
make a hope to come true
who holding me thide when I falling
who push me when I stop up I love your soft kisses
I love your soft touch
His my spirit I love the way you bite your lip
my soul go with him I love you sooooo much
where ever I go
He go with me I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smile
When I cry he cry I love the way you're shy sometimes
when I smile he smile Every once and a while
he make me happy
when the life so lonely
I love it when you look at me
by: RHR when I'm not looking at you
you think I do not realize it
LOVE But really ...............I do
Love is a undefination thing
who make good anythink I love the way you cuddle
can make smile in the sadness I love the way you sleep
and make cry in the happyness I love the way you rub and your neck
when you are thinking so deep
It can fly in the wing
turn on in the land I love all of you
make some one still to life your nose, your lips, your hair, your feet
with the kind of beyond belive I will never stop loving you
you are so amazingly sweet
Love is not only a beautyful thing
but also stuped thing I love that I love you
make a smile and cry I have loved you from the very start
in the life or die I LOVE ALL OF YOU
I now hand you the key to my heart
Love is a friendship
many people want to get it by: Aang gunawan
I don't know why it happen
this situation make 'love'
undefination......
Jiwa
Resah bimbang tak menentu
takut aku merajai diriku
apa aku takut untuk mencoba
sesuatu yang kuanggap itu mimpi
akankah hal itu benar-benar terjadi
aku tak tahu
bingung pun merajai pikiranku
aku tidak tahu
Tapi aku percaya akan sesuatu
bahwa aku memiliki kekuatan
tuk melawan ketakutanku
dan membuat mimpiku menjadi
nyata..
make a hope to come true
who holding me thide when I falling
who push me when I stop up I love your soft kisses
I love your soft touch
His my spirit I love the way you bite your lip
my soul go with him I love you sooooo much
where ever I go
He go with me I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smile
When I cry he cry I love the way you're shy sometimes
when I smile he smile Every once and a while
he make me happy
when the life so lonely
I love it when you look at me
by: RHR when I'm not looking at you
you think I do not realize it
LOVE But really ...............I do
Love is a undefination thing
who make good anythink I love the way you cuddle
can make smile in the sadness I love the way you sleep
and make cry in the happyness I love the way you rub and your neck
when you are thinking so deep
It can fly in the wing
turn on in the land I love all of you
make some one still to life your nose, your lips, your hair, your feet
with the kind of beyond belive I will never stop loving you
you are so amazingly sweet
Love is not only a beautyful thing
but also stuped thing I love that I love you
make a smile and cry I have loved you from the very start
in the life or die I LOVE ALL OF YOU
I now hand you the key to my heart
Love is a friendship
many people want to get it by: Aang gunawan
I don't know why it happen
this situation make 'love'
undefination......
Jiwa
Resah bimbang tak menentu
takut aku merajai diriku
apa aku takut untuk mencoba
sesuatu yang kuanggap itu mimpi
akankah hal itu benar-benar terjadi
aku tak tahu
bingung pun merajai pikiranku
aku tidak tahu
Tapi aku percaya akan sesuatu
bahwa aku memiliki kekuatan
tuk melawan ketakutanku
dan membuat mimpiku menjadi
nyata..
Friday, April 10, 2009
Hard to trust again
29,march,2009
Can i ever get back??will i ever be whole again??or is that what love about constantly giving of my self continually turn to god to fill me with it self,who is love it self??i dont want to come to the point where i'm empty and have nothing left to give.i'm so scared to trust again,where is the balance GOD???????
I dont want to hurt but i dont want to miss at on love!!my fears are great but i know i have to endure the pain and risk frusting again,GOD lead me forward,i desire to follow you anywhere you want me to go.
Can i ever get back??will i ever be whole again??or is that what love about constantly giving of my self continually turn to god to fill me with it self,who is love it self??i dont want to come to the point where i'm empty and have nothing left to give.i'm so scared to trust again,where is the balance GOD???????
I dont want to hurt but i dont want to miss at on love!!my fears are great but i know i have to endure the pain and risk frusting again,GOD lead me forward,i desire to follow you anywhere you want me to go.
Longing for closeness
29,march,2009
As progress become more evident,i became more frustrated when i'd slip into old protective habits,just when i thought i was free,painfull issues from the past came back to haunt me,sometimes it seemed i was taking only one step forward and five steps back.
Many times i became frustrated and wanted to give up,why continue this relationship and fighting so hard when each victory preceded a frustating defeat??
i feel so depressed i haven't cried this much more than a week,the old thoughts of despair and hopelessness are back.
I thought i had dealt with everything,but every once in a while past knocks me for a loof and i relize there are many issues yet to be resolved and that hurts,it isn't fair at all.....
I wonder what kind of person i'd be today??i keep thinking about all the years while i had my happiness of live.there's so much i wish i could change....
As progress become more evident,i became more frustrated when i'd slip into old protective habits,just when i thought i was free,painfull issues from the past came back to haunt me,sometimes it seemed i was taking only one step forward and five steps back.
Many times i became frustrated and wanted to give up,why continue this relationship and fighting so hard when each victory preceded a frustating defeat??
i feel so depressed i haven't cried this much more than a week,the old thoughts of despair and hopelessness are back.
I thought i had dealt with everything,but every once in a while past knocks me for a loof and i relize there are many issues yet to be resolved and that hurts,it isn't fair at all.....
I wonder what kind of person i'd be today??i keep thinking about all the years while i had my happiness of live.there's so much i wish i could change....
Umbrella of sadness
29,march,2009
Right now i'm sitting on my bed thinking and crying my eyes out,i feel so alone like there's no one who will listen from the looks of things now,it doesn't seem like i'll ever be truly happy.i had so many dreams,but they are all fading fast,i'm scared i'll feel like this forever,i dont see the point of going on.
I thought about my life and my relationship constantly and sank into a deep depression that lasted for months.huddled under an ever present umbrella of sadness,i wondered if i would ever feel joy again,my sleeping patterns changes and althought i slept most of time,i still battled fatigue,irritability and moodiness.
But i'm beginning to relized somethings there is so much rage inside me that needs to come out and i have a short fuse.i never caunly talk through a problem with the other person,i either yell and scream or ignore the person i'm mad at while seething inside it has become a habit for me.
Right now i'm sitting on my bed thinking and crying my eyes out,i feel so alone like there's no one who will listen from the looks of things now,it doesn't seem like i'll ever be truly happy.i had so many dreams,but they are all fading fast,i'm scared i'll feel like this forever,i dont see the point of going on.
I thought about my life and my relationship constantly and sank into a deep depression that lasted for months.huddled under an ever present umbrella of sadness,i wondered if i would ever feel joy again,my sleeping patterns changes and althought i slept most of time,i still battled fatigue,irritability and moodiness.
But i'm beginning to relized somethings there is so much rage inside me that needs to come out and i have a short fuse.i never caunly talk through a problem with the other person,i either yell and scream or ignore the person i'm mad at while seething inside it has become a habit for me.
U didn't care about me
28,march,2009
Today i was sitting alone at the window side of my bedroom,raining pouring outside really heavy.seem like my tears keep on rolling down since four months ago.another time i was so quiet listening to rain drop.suddenly my fone was ringging,it shown somebody number that i really know it very well.yeah it's ROCK was calling me and i was so excited and happy to pick up the fone and say hi to him...i though he was care about me from he's deep heart.but then i was wrong...at all,he calling me only when he's needed money.
Oh my GOD pls help me to open he's heart,i want truly love and serious relationship not fake love like this.everything i ready put him at first than my own family but he treat me badddddddddd......
I truly doesn't like he's habit at all,he's habit make me sick all the time..but he's dont care about thathe only know somebody must be fulfill what he want and never think where and how hard to get it,but after he get everything he want he will ignoring that person even only to pick up a phone or replay sms he's seems dont have time for it.
I think he was much selfish when someone else need he's helped he only can give promissing,i much relized about that now and what i treat him before was wrong.i thought he will helping me but not at all,when i was down seems more worse to kick me away,no any helped or support at all.
I really feel hurt about itbut i only can keep it without saying out to other.god pls helped me to face this all and give me power to stand with all of this feeling.
Today i was sitting alone at the window side of my bedroom,raining pouring outside really heavy.seem like my tears keep on rolling down since four months ago.another time i was so quiet listening to rain drop.suddenly my fone was ringging,it shown somebody number that i really know it very well.yeah it's ROCK was calling me and i was so excited and happy to pick up the fone and say hi to him...i though he was care about me from he's deep heart.but then i was wrong...at all,he calling me only when he's needed money.
Oh my GOD pls help me to open he's heart,i want truly love and serious relationship not fake love like this.everything i ready put him at first than my own family but he treat me badddddddddd......
I truly doesn't like he's habit at all,he's habit make me sick all the time..but he's dont care about thathe only know somebody must be fulfill what he want and never think where and how hard to get it,but after he get everything he want he will ignoring that person even only to pick up a phone or replay sms he's seems dont have time for it.
I think he was much selfish when someone else need he's helped he only can give promissing,i much relized about that now and what i treat him before was wrong.i thought he will helping me but not at all,when i was down seems more worse to kick me away,no any helped or support at all.
I really feel hurt about itbut i only can keep it without saying out to other.god pls helped me to face this all and give me power to stand with all of this feeling.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Postive emotions awakened
27,march,2009
But asi learned to express the negative emotions i had suppressed so long,i found i was making room for positive emotions to reawakend as well.little by little life seemed less of a burden.god began to show me signs of true living.i began to:SMILE,LAUGH AND FEEL A JOY i hadn't felt for more than four months.
Even tears were a gift i was becoming more comfortable with my emotions.i still had a hard time talking about my feelings,but at least i was finally feeling again.i prefered anything over the deadness i'd known for so long.being a live means experiencing fully life's joy and sorrow,laughter and tears.the joy make the pain more bearable,and the pain makes the joy that much sweeter.
The bud was begining to blossom a sweet delight to my soul,the metamorphosiscame withpain,as i continued to find out.yet some how that made the transformation even more beautiful.
With hope again within my grasp,i reached out and clung to it with everything in me,the light was beginning to pierce the darkness of my soul,and i was so thankful.maybe god had been listening to my pleas.for mercy all along the nightmares hadceased and the fear was lessening as i continued to expose the monster to the light.
But asi learned to express the negative emotions i had suppressed so long,i found i was making room for positive emotions to reawakend as well.little by little life seemed less of a burden.god began to show me signs of true living.i began to:SMILE,LAUGH AND FEEL A JOY i hadn't felt for more than four months.
Even tears were a gift i was becoming more comfortable with my emotions.i still had a hard time talking about my feelings,but at least i was finally feeling again.i prefered anything over the deadness i'd known for so long.being a live means experiencing fully life's joy and sorrow,laughter and tears.the joy make the pain more bearable,and the pain makes the joy that much sweeter.
The bud was begining to blossom a sweet delight to my soul,the metamorphosiscame withpain,as i continued to find out.yet some how that made the transformation even more beautiful.
With hope again within my grasp,i reached out and clung to it with everything in me,the light was beginning to pierce the darkness of my soul,and i was so thankful.maybe god had been listening to my pleas.for mercy all along the nightmares hadceased and the fear was lessening as i continued to expose the monster to the light.
Peace Place
27,march,2009
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Anger an honest Emotion
25,march,2009
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
I must let it go
25,march,2009
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Addictive and authentic love says:
21,march,2009
Add;1)I cant live without u,you give my live meaning...
aut:1)I can live without ubut i choose not to.
2)You make me feel valuable when i'm with you,i'm somebody..
2)I'm a valuable person and you affirm value to me.
3)I cant make it on my own...
3)I can make iton my own,having you as my part of my life make it easier.
4)I want you to be a total part of my life,an i want to be a total part of yours.
4)We are two separate people with individual lives to lead i encaurage you to
pursue your interest and i will pursue mine,this kind of space and divers
sity is good for us.
5)All the hard times are worth the good times,i will be there no matter what
happens.
5)Love should seek another's highest good,to the best of my abality,i will do that
for you...
6)I cant bear to think of you sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone
else,you aretheonly one who has ever understood me.
6)We are richer for sharing our lives with other people,i encourage you to have
other close relathiomship.
7)You should be sensitive to my neds,i have feelings,youknow and i need you
to take that into consideration.
7)Mutuality is the glue that holds us together,i enjoy you and in that enjoyment many of my needs for importance belonging and intimacy are met.
8)If u really care you will threat me the way i need to be threated to feel good.
8)I will accept the way u show me you care about me,sometimes i may have to ask u abt yr actions,but generally i will take at face value what you say an do.
Add;1)I cant live without u,you give my live meaning...
aut:1)I can live without ubut i choose not to.
2)You make me feel valuable when i'm with you,i'm somebody..
2)I'm a valuable person and you affirm value to me.
3)I cant make it on my own...
3)I can make iton my own,having you as my part of my life make it easier.
4)I want you to be a total part of my life,an i want to be a total part of yours.
4)We are two separate people with individual lives to lead i encaurage you to
pursue your interest and i will pursue mine,this kind of space and divers
sity is good for us.
5)All the hard times are worth the good times,i will be there no matter what
happens.
5)Love should seek another's highest good,to the best of my abality,i will do that
for you...
6)I cant bear to think of you sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone
else,you aretheonly one who has ever understood me.
6)We are richer for sharing our lives with other people,i encourage you to have
other close relathiomship.
7)You should be sensitive to my neds,i have feelings,youknow and i need you
to take that into consideration.
7)Mutuality is the glue that holds us together,i enjoy you and in that enjoyment many of my needs for importance belonging and intimacy are met.
8)If u really care you will threat me the way i need to be threated to feel good.
8)I will accept the way u show me you care about me,sometimes i may have to ask u abt yr actions,but generally i will take at face value what you say an do.
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