Making Him Smile...!!!

wed,29 oct 2008
It's been a while since i planed to buy him new LAPTOP for his birthday gift,yeah actually i have ready both laptop for him few month ago,but after seen other model new arriaval with ame brand he wanted too.i have been surveying on prices of different stores,voila...yesterday we found a great price in one of the store in electric shop.got 30% discount of the normal price plus 150 cashback from HP laptop.thus the cheapest price i found...!!!
And i made him smile so wide and brighly..oh god..i love to make him smile.
ps:so now he has a new LAPTOP and been busy with it..!!!

Life goes on

Firstly i'd like to thank everyone who has tried to cheer me up and brighten my feeling,the disappointed lingered of my self for days in me.it strucked me even deeper when my parents asked about it(i knew they would anywy...)but they know there is nothing can be done to change my marks,the most i can do and should do is to do my best in my own life,i shall not stop.Today during my prayer time my aunt call me and sk how was in hk.i did said can u call me after my prayer time?then she ask me wether there is anything i need to be prayed on?The first word that came out from my mouth ws''confident'',i needed it so bad that i was not sure whether i can pass my bachelor with good degree as my aunt was talking.after i cut off the phone i could not help but cried i felt relatived as if all burden in my heart has been lifted up by allah.I haven't cried so much on my own lately..usually i cry to him on my own when there is a matter or two,maybe i kept it inside my self this time and it sure was painful.After i finish praying i felt much better,i felt my heart was light and i'am stronger and confident.now i can say to my self''i'am able to go through this''do my best and get a good degree.i feel great smile on my face.
As i call my chilhood friend who always praying for me was smiling at me giving me a sense and happiness''nothing wasted''he's said.it open my mind the lord let me to go through all of these things for purpose.even if it is painful in this present time and may seem useless at all to the future.it is great feeling to know that all of these thing,all of these lesson and knowledge won't be wasted,the time will come when i will using what i have learned now,i'm happy now......

I feeling so upsed

Today i'm feeling so upsed..yeah while my friend call me this morning i wanted to cry and scream loudly,so let whole world knowing what kind of things that can making me feel so upsed.

My friend had telling me about her birthday,i feel so jelous with that but what kind i do?she had an surprise from her bf and also sweet greating from the fone,card,and sms.she did recieve in the midlle of the night at 12pm.oh..my god that sooooo sweet and why i can't hide my tears from my eyes when i hear she talk about this this morning?i imagine if someone i love doing the same for me on my birthday last month!!!but tha only a dream from me,coz on that time my bf didn't say anything for me,and he didn't text me something sweet on that time.he did say forget while i remind him on his birthday.my heart was crying how could he's forget my birthday?did he really love me?why did he forget on my birthday?and why did he can remember other people birthday?i wish i could have a wonderful story like my friend.but when and whom going to give me any surprise??why i can't stop my tears while i remember this story?

No matter about him did he really forget or what i don't even know the reason,maybe i'm not so special for him like other yeah maybe.anyway i also had a great birthday(even though i still feel that it is not complete yet,since someone forgoten my birthday)i did remember always that happend,it's so wonderful for my life even my heart crying alot,yeah that time i was going to my friend's place to fix her computer,i was actually being set up for her.(i didn't know they planned a surprise little party for me)it seen really crazy that time my heart feel like out from my chest when i knock the door and start go in her house they said''SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!''luckly my heart ws so strong inside there.my tears roll down from my eyes,how could other people remember my birthday and someone i love had forgoten about that?huh.....

It was very nice,there were nine of us including me,four other indonesians and four of them from deferent parts of the world.they cooked me delicious meals like:laksa,chicken rice,fried chicken,sushi,and veg eeeemmm yummy...!!!they sang me''HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG''and gave me a chocolate birthday cake.that was the second surprise''while i was went to toilet and when i was walking back to the living room it was so quiet,i didn't know what is going on again.then i went in there the room was dark,and they sang and i saw a cake with candle there...i'm so surprise with that i begin to cry in happiness.they gave me a sweet greeting and present too ooohhh i really feel a,amazed when i remember that time.
Yeah i can't forget that memory in 26-june-2008 is so wonderful story of my life that i never had before.yeah...anyway one of them are had indonesia boy.so we all really having fun that time.after dinner let the games begins...yeah..we'll playing game together,first game we'll play''scirsos,paper,stone''i need to fight 8 person that time,if one of us loose we need to eat one sushi yeeee...that was the starter crazy i'm so full and can't take ot anymore,then after half of the game we'll agree to change the sushi to water,oh my god we'll keep on playimg and playing any other games,and i do lost 14 times heheheh..so i had 11 big cups of water.

they all really play me on that time.i feel so tired,and sleepy.but my friend don't let me go to sleep even a while only uuuggghhh my eyes soooo heavy and very hard to opened,but they keep saying u can't go to sleep coz ur the birthday girl,oh my god...!!!

But finally they all feel pity with me after they seen my eyes can't opened anymore,they let me go to sleep and took some rest..yeah ur so good friend heheehe....i slept on her bed for while(thanks dear)and ended up i wanted to going home coz i could not slept well there.then while i'm home ready in early morning around 4 and 5 aclock i recieve many sms greating from my friend,but there no any sms i recieve from someone ilove,and so i begin to crying at that time.messege from my chilhood friend:

''where did you having little party yesterday''

''what kind of surprise party from yr from and other?''

''what did u eat for dinner?u did keep drinking water 11 big cups right?coz u did lost playing a game''oooooopppssss...how did he know???

''big question sign inside my head''how did he know what was i get and did that night''

''at that point i was a bit worried that he might reach negatively thinking..oohhh nooo''

But still feel my stomach is funny on next morning.i don't feel like eating,but my head get headech coz not enough sleept on that time,anyway it was a nice and sweet birthday surprise for me,from inside my heart i said thank you for everyone who said''happy birthday''to me,for my''chilhood friend'' that ready send me care enough to send a b'day card,sms,and gave me a call and say sweet greating first time than other.for my friend''Calvin''that gave me big mickey mouse doll,for my friend''Deandra''that gave me''mobile phone''for my birth present.for my friend''Tari''that gave me silver pendent that has my birthday sign.for my friend''Alin''that gave me''My favorite movie disc''for my mum and dad and also my bro that sending me something special heheh...and also big thanks from my deep heart for al my other friend who has big care for me by sending sms and sweet greeting,thank you so..so..muchhhhhhh.anyway now i'm 23 years old.....

Say a little prayer

One thing that keeps me a live all these yers was prayers,honestly as a person,i'am fragile inside,i cry easly,break down easily,wrry easily,want to give up easily and complain about this and that easily too,this is the real me.One that makes my parents,especially my mum,worry so much.However there is one powerful thing in this world that can keep a person a live,even the most fragile person.it's PRAYER.i'am thankful so much grateful to those,who never fail to say their prayers for me each time of their lives,my parent and my brother,and so my friend....they all give me strength and they will carry on living,to continue whatever i'm doing no matter hard nd impossible things are,they all make me feel loved.I,too,don't get lonely here or there without my family because of prayers...it's a wy to comunicate with god(allah)he is my everything.I believe,prayer are powerful,there are such things call mirales,yeah i supposed just think life it self miracles,and miracles can happend if we have a strong will to pray and to faith that it will happend.

Painful headache

I did not much this day,simply because i kept getting the same painful headache from the moment i opened my eyes those morning,it's bothered me so much that i start to wonder what cause this pain.
My friend said Anemia or even lack of oxygen in my brain...well those are really something for guess.....The headache makes me don't even want to get up from bed since it is painful...aaarrhhhh how i'm supposed to get up tomorrow to go somewhere early in the morning with this pain??it all begins again tomorrow...the deadly assigggggments and not-fun at all.

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Tuesday,september 16,2008

I managed to get my self out of bed on time this morning,ready to go for some exercise or do some cleaning in my room,i just ignored the headache so that i don't get bothered by it.reach at the park as the earliest attendant and was really looking forward to see the new person...hehehhe...one,two,there familiar faes come along at the park to do some exercise too,but much of them are do jogging and do some other exercise.while i do jogging was about to start,then a completely unfamiliar fe showed up,it was a''GUY''!!!...the uncle who walk beside to me instanly laughing after seeing my face expresion.whatttttttt...??another guy!!out of disbelief,it is true he is the one,i thought was a girl...yeah thanks to god..i put my hope high that the person would be a girl eeeeemmmm....
so yeah..now it's even toughter for me,a girl competing with that guy just great...and perfect.
I'm really tired today,extremly tired.even when i met my friend in a supermrket,she said i look exhausted,yes...i'am.my mind was blank,walking like a robot around city centre.luckily i managed to get part of my grocery shopping done.i go around the city super market to get some cheap veggies,apple,brown pear,yogurt and milk uuugghhhhh very heavy though,my hands felt like falling apart.And today's weather is so hooooooottttttttt and on top of that the sun really shining down on my head strongly.right just perfect combination for me.

I really fell upset

These days i so often call my parent on the phone and on home phone,but they not answer my call till 10 times,i'm in big tension and so worry with them all''my mum,my dad,and my bro''what's going on??but i'm not giving up and do keep on trying to call them,coz since two month ago i didn't call my parent like usually,coz i don't know how to explain to them specially my parent(i'm sorry mum,and dad,i really miss u all,but what can i do???)
Anyway i'm so happy when finally they answer my call(thanks god,they are still fine)i'm talking so much with my parent and so i ask them why did they didn't answer my call just now?my dad said they leave the phone at home and they where in my uncle house coz my elder cousin get some accident.me and my dad talking here and there and also do some joking hehehhe...it's really make me happy today,but that happy felling of mine are not stay longer,it stop since my dad told me about ramadan there and also about eid-.i know they are preparing for eid this time.but i try to whisper my self''it's ok hani..next time u can have time to celebrate with them,inshaalah''.
And so i can cheer up again after all,then sudelly my dad asking me''daughter...u had promise with us b4 eid-u will earn money for the eid-day?because u said to me that don't took any amount from my own acount for the eid,so i didn't took it to buy everything''Ohh...god,i forgot with my promise(well anyway i'm not forget with promise i had said to my parent)but for now i didn't have any money....yeah...i ready took all of my ammount for my parent to go in''mecca''so nothing leave now,only leeft $10.000 hk dlr but i could took that money,usually i need to send money for eid- since first of sept,but i didn't send it coz someone(.....???)aks me to send amount for him to buy some medicine for him self,i really confused that time wich one i must do transfer the money?my parent or him?coz both of them are meaningful in my life,and i dont know what should i do?
Finally i had to choose one of them,and so i did choose him coz he need more that money but beside that i'm crying alot coz i ignored my own parent and ask them to wait without say anything.and now the eid- is coming soon where i can get the money from and send to them like i had fullfill my promise to them?i really confused this time,event they have money in their account but i dont want they use the own money for this.and what should i doooooooooooooooo?????i can't say anything to them in this time and i don't know what to do?if i send first of next month it's too late for this,but if i don't send what will they think about me?for all my family(mum,dad,bro)from bottom of my heart i really sy sorry for this,coz i can't fulfill my own promise this time,i really so sorry for all.(i'm really fell upset dady...i wish u don't fell how upset was my felling this time and wish u don't fell that i'm crying alot since i call u today,pls don't think negative about me....i will fulfill all my promise.i do love you all...)

My new buddy

For the las several weeks,i have had a new friend accompanying me all the time at home.so..who is it...?????????It's brazilian turtle that i bought at a supermarket.but...untill now i still don't know wether it's male or female,i just have no clue at all.But i named it''ROCK''hahahahha....because when i miss my love so i just can waching at the turtle...(sorry baby just kidding''i love u so much my love'')
My turtle loves to eat and very clever(huuuussshhh just like my lovely baby rock)i give fish food,turtle food,veg,and mosquitos.sometimes(if i catch one...!!!and when it's dinner time and it sees me close,it'll come and approach me hehehehhe...so cute.it is fun to have a pet.i'm enjoying it very much...

Especially for you:bro

Today,as i sid previously,is my bro birthday,it's his 20th year of life,no fancy gift for him,only a little greeting card from me,but i'm sure it still is meaningful for him,for me,it is special gifts because it contains my gratefulness and thankfulness to my''allah''for giving me such a special brother,and my thankfulness to him for being who he is all the time,i feel that thank you is never enough when it's compared to what he's done for me.but from hes point of view,a little thank you might be able to put a smile on her face,that's what importnt about it,to make him smile,to make him happy.

Happy burtday bro...!!!

I remember the time we were little...laughing,crying,fighting with eah other,it was moments to remeber and i will always remember..!!!

now that you are grown up,i'm glad we had strong bond,sibling-hood and good friend.I'am thankful to you...for lstening to me...for the times together,for the things we learnt....Thnk you for being my brother...happy birthday bro....happy 20th birthday...!!!!may it be a blessed and a sweet one...!!!!!1
Love''your sist''

08-sept-2008

Fallen leaves..new hopes will grow

As i walking across the parkinng lots of university to the bus stop.i stopped on piles of fallen leaves with defferent browns colours,some light browns,some light browns,some dark browns,some yellow browns and some are greenish.as i moved forward wind blew other leaves separating them from the branches they were attahed to,it was like walking n a rain of leaves.
This happend every year,every autum in between september and november,and the tress become''bald''leafless..not really a pleasent scenery,really..!!!a bunch of trees in the park without any leaves,but i think if they(the trees i mean)were given choices,they will still choose this way being bald in autums and winter.
Yet they won't be stay bald for the rest of their lives,when winter passed away,spring comes new bud around the brances,new leaves grow gracefully a sign of new growth,new life,a new glory.
In the middle of spring they will be ready,trees full of leaves,ready to greet the coming sumer,the birds come and rest under the branch,to cooll down or to continually live under it's shadows,wich gives peace and comfort.and so the fallen leaves paid off for the better,greener and more beautiful growth in the future.
So is my lives..
There are things that lord wants me to give up in this present time,things that maybe dearly to me that i hold them so tight and dont want to let go,things that have been around and so familiar in my lives.
Let me learn from the trees and fallen leaves..letting go those precious''leaves''may be not easy task,but when the lord ask me to do so,he will give me the strengh to acomplish it,he will be with me and guide me step by step even i don't feel it.for when he does that,he already stores something better,something more beutiful and delightful for me in replae of things i give up.in that way...i grow each day better..greener,and beautiful in the eyes of the lord.
Let me learn from the fallen leaves...........

A called

These days,i so often call and been called on the phone by my brother,i'm happy in a way...I have a family nearby in the coutry,even though i still don't know when i'am going to visit him.
I'am sure he is coping there,i believe he can do it eeeehhhmmm like:ooking,washing,and all of the other stuffs by himself,he is a brave man...!!!yes...now he is a man,not a little boy i used to play with some years ago...
Time surely flies..we both are not in chilhood anymore,but it's good to know that we are sister and brother,insparatable ones.i know it for sure...i missed the time we hatted together in the night time just like two weeks ago.we still like we used to...shared the same bed and tell each other's bad sleepinng attitude.
Aaaaahhhh...i'am really grateful and blessed to have you''bro''!!!you are not only a brother,but also a friend:a dear one.good luck of us...hope i will visit you soon down there,god bless you bro...i love you...

Deeply touched

Oh...i feel so relieved now...
I have passed the presentation,it went very well eventhough i was very well eventhough i was actually feeling awfully.thanks to my family and my friends who had given me their countinuous supports throughout the day and also everyday.Especially my family:My mom&dad,also my younger brother.they were so great...eventhough they are miles way from me,but i could actually the support,they were giving me every second of time,they prayed,they encouraged,they convicent me that i can do it WITH GOD.
Thank you lord..for giving me a great family,i'am so so..thankful for them and thankful for you guidance throught the presentation.i know lord that without your presence there.

One day in chocolate shop

sunday:24 ags 2008

As i was trying to sit on one of the hight chairs,one lady stared at me...''odd..this asian girl is eating a cone of ice cream??!!''that's probably what she though of me,since she didn't stop staring at me until the time she left the shop.I heve been carving for an ice cream several day,and so..i had an ice cream.i felt bit misplaced by the way she stared at me,but the feeling quikly faded and replaed by thought of many things i stared out of the window.
The shop is located in the middle between a train station and a big shopping centre,it serves some hot beverages,cakes,ice creams and chocolates.wether people wants to just enjoy so,ething warm or pop in for a gift.it is there to satisfy it's costomers with nice and friendly staffs however it was not that which fascinated me.
I saw people....!!!
I saw couples holding hands and often kissing lightly,they look happy,but do they really have feeling of appreciation having their partner close to them?or is it just a lust?well they might not know how it feels to be far away from each other and being unreachable easly.''never mind i just wondering i said to my self''
I saw a daughter hugging her mum,who just arrived into this town to visit her daughter,they look happy,i sensed and saw it in their faces,the wide smiles and the emotions flowed through when they hugged,my feelings mingled..tears almost came unwelcomely.the scene i saw,potrayet an important relationship between mother and her child.without any commans,my brain brought back the memory regarding my mother,i missed her and wished her to be close to me,''one day you'll see her again and close to her everyday,don't worry..''i mumbled.
I saw some muslim people going in the direction to the station.aahhhh...my soul wanted to fly home,it may seemed so unrelated,but to me...??that how i interpretend what those muslim people were doing?RAMADAN AND EID...how nice to be at home during this time,''The time will come soon..''i whisper to my self.
And as i was finishing of my ice cream and stopping my self from wondering further away.

This is how i'am??dreamer of the prettiest thing in this world
....LOVE...(but i'am not desperated)hhhmmm is that wish to high for me??i guess not!!
but that's not the only reson why did i wrote this....
there's alot of things...question surrounding my mind..
one day i would let everyone know whatttt is bothering my mind(even they don't wish too)and uccualy i'am a person that lost my identity...(not really)i've been thinking alot of things that not exist,sometimes i didn't even know what i'm thinking about..very confusing indeed
sometimes i ask my self..am i alright?but don't worry hihihihih....

back to basic

Life do have a choice
sometimes when i sat alone and staring outside my window i though something in my mind
changes...yup..change..not my personality or my caracter but breaking the habit.
honestly i've been wasting alot of things in my life..moral and material..
sometimes i found hard to focus in my life..my attention distracted and its hard...to be a better person..independent woman.
i got alot of things to do..to plan...to get...and for that i have to..
changs someof my habitthat u opend almostall my times but nothing in return...i'm tired
i wish i could do that(must)bcoz life do have a choice

confused

It's funny when i can't find my self
looking from outside i'm standing here...
but all i want is to be over there
why did i let my self believe
miracles could happend
cause now i have to pretend
tha i dont really cre
i thought you were my fairytale
my dream where i'm not sleeping
i wish upon astars that's coming true
but everybody else could tell
that i confused my feelings with the truth
where yjere ws me and you
i swore i knew the melody
that i heard you singing
you made me feel
like i could sing along
but then you went and change the words
now my heart is empty
i'm only left with used-to-be's
and once upon a song...
i can't believe that i could be so blind
it's like you were floating while i was falling
and i didn't mind
because i like the view
i thougt you felt it too
when there was me and you

Thank you baby

Thank you baby..for sending me little things,to make me think
Laugh or smile..for when i'm down .it picks me up.
It's only for a while...that is why you are so dear..
Because you care for me..and you know your there with:
A listening ear or to take away blues,And i give thanks to you...
The good lord send your way for he knows i need some cheers..
Each and everyday to thank you for the wonderful gifts that i
receive...so i send My love to you because i know that you're are special,through and true....

What did i feel??

I look in the mirorr and sometimes i don't like my self
I relized there is a lot of me i don't know and that there is so much i can improve
Frish i have to learn that peolpe are sensitive to what i say...
I tend to be frank and sometimes hurt other people..
I hate that about my self.i always believe if someone love or care someone be honest to that person,and end up hurting people,so then i get confused and don't know why it all ends when it should be an honest exchange,These days were so full of emotions and i'am trying to find my self again...it's not easy uuugggggggggghhhhhh..

My fed up!!(again)

MY CURRENTLY MOOD:FED UP!!!!
Sometimes.....

I just feel unhappy.....

I don't know what is so wrong with me today.....?????

Do i woke up on the wrong side....???

Or just my bad day.....???

I don't know.....???!!!

I start my day with bad mood...all started from the time...I going to take shower...and getting ready to take my break fast....ooohhh well...(sigh)ok,9am already when I finished my work...(oooohhhh I gonna be late!!!!)

Rushing to bathroom...get dress up...!!!and ruuunnnnnn to the bus stop,luckly(for once)bus came as soon as I reach there....but my heart still feeling hmmmmmmhppp....!!!!just not right...@^@ ok nothing happend...ecxept...i sit with Indonesia handsome guy but feel very boring to look at him although he try to talk to me..but i ignore him as well uuuggghhhh!!!!!!!!

But what can i do I got to take it....(calm..calm...I told my self)

Well when i reach home at the noon time and guess whattttttttt???My computer is erorr..and the technician need 20 minutes to fix it!!!!wewwww..!!!ok very well I waited impatiently.Hmmmmm computer fixed...and i fell really tired...all going smoothly..but...again i got irritated with a girl from Indonesia too....she is friend from my friend and she's coming to my home with my friend.she keep seeking attention in front of me and my other friend..with firlting kind of attitude when she was talking someting....(my ear really felt disgusted just like my eyes)and her dressing...oohhh my GOD....!!!this is not discotic..!!!hello....???(huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!Ihate it....)

She and her other friend keep talking very laudly..on the phone with they boyfriend...!!!!

Well everything goes fine..when they all leave my home quikly...i really FED UP today...and the rest of the day..i just feel not right in my heart...i end up.....UNHAPPYY......till now...uugghhhhhh!!!!! except with best friend angga(love u ANGGA)I can't wait to close my eyes and wake up in the new and better dayyyyyyyyyyyyy..........

In case 2morrow never comes...

Promise me no more than that day...each day...each moment....we will be all that we can be for our self for one another,That we will give all that we can give...without reservation.without resentement,without fear.give to me no more than you would have me give to you,expect from me no more than you would give to me,share all that you are expect all that i'am.In hesitationlies uncertainty defeat,what dwells within your heart bears truth for you.Listen only to your heart can beat as one...and one heart can do impossible things.Know always that each tomorrow is a gift we can do impossible things.know always that each tomorrow is a gift we can not ask for,but only be greatful for,s dayligt fades to night,be thankful for the moments shared and in your heart hold tight the hand that holds you tight....and know that love is always right.in case tomorrow never comes...remember comes...remember always...that i have LOVE YOU...deeply,fully and eternally...so mote it be....I DO LOVE YOU BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Promises to keep

In an instant this moment will have passed and all that might have been will be ni more,new p

possibilities creep in with each breath we take,new dreams arise to fill us with hope,there are no guarantees in life,no promises that the sun will ever lift its self to shine upon us,yet there promises to be kept.some promises are only whispered the depths of night when the only sound to be heard is that of your gentle breathing.My mind floods with the emotion that i feel at the sound of your voice,laughter that reasonates in the deepest corners of my heart,i do not know the answer...not even fully yet questien still,i know that only two can fulfill,of course that only two can walk,no promises that ever we walk this path.yet still promises to be kept.What is today is not necesarily what will be tomorrow,times changes all and in your journey there is much you have done to smooth your own path.yet still you walk it in solitary silence,if determination could win battles there would be no more,for you would have to won them all,hold tight to that dream,to strength,to faith that what we will can be another promise yet to keep.You stand alone upon the barren ground,facing all that comes to you with anly what you can muster of your own,i tell you truly..love..reach out your hnd and will take it,let me be the rock you lean against...as you have been for me,let me be eart that hears your pain...and the arms that you hold you close so that none will ever take your strengh again,as you hold me up and bring laughter to my spirit when it is briken...so let me hold you..i'm not weak,i'm not afraid,i want only to give to you as you give to me.with open heart,with confidence,with trust,with love,my promise to keep.As one can be bent in the winds of frustation,two can hold strong to one another,as one can fail from weariness,two can find strenght in one another,as one can find silence echoing with loneliness,two can find it rings with compionship,there are no promise,love and no apportunities if we fail to reach out and take them...reach out your hand to me..trust that always will i hold it tight,and know that what strengh i can loan...is your always baby...from my bottom of my heart...to yours,a promise i will always keep.

Poison(stupid rock drink it)

Your crue.....deep eyes.....

Your blood....like ice.....
One look could kill....

My pain..your thrill........

Iwant to love you..but i dare not touch......

I want to hold you...but my senses tell me to stop....

I want to kiss you....
but i want it too much...

I want to taste you...nut your lips are venomous poison...You're Poison running trough my veins...

You're poison....Idon't wanna break these chains...!!!!You're mouth...so hot.....You're web...I'm caught....You're skin....so wet....Black lace on sweat....Ihear you calling....and it's...needles and pins.....Iwant to hurt you..just to hear you screaming my name....Don't want to touch you....But you're under my skin....deep in.......You are poison...running in my veins...............

FOR MY LOVELY BABY.....please don't do such thing like this agin...coz really i don't want to lose you...and i can't live without youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....!!!!!

These three days

Uuuuhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm........

I don't know exacly why...??for the last three days i've got something's not right in my days,every night my tears always fall down and it reallly bother me much..!!!i try to pray..maybe i can lose this feeling soon but untill last night i still have those silly things.Those are the DISAPPOINTED felt..!!!i know that...i still feel it and i'm sure it bother me much,i really don't want those things are back again in my days.i have my own days now,my days are ot fully alone.i have my friend and now there's someone who really nice to me,i should not have those silly things again.i burried it down in the bottom of my heart.These three days were killing me alooooottttt!!!but i don't even know what to do!!!i hope i can really heal from my wounted,i hope i can release all those disappointed.

But..latter on in the night time around 11.30pm i recieve sms,i know it the number and the pic that shows in my fone...bit happy recieve that sms(coz i fell disappointed and cry everynight is because of him)i opened those sms from ''Rock''but the message really make me big shock and cry alot...the messege said:Are you Hani?I'm rock cousin,Rock is in hospital,he commited sicide,although he is out of danger yet fainted,i'm keepin his cell fone,if you like to talk to me,please you call me''then...'' My name is''FARHAN''everyone is crying for him,till yesterday he was happy,but suddelly at night he took poison.if you want me send you his hospital so i can send you.Oh...my GOD...what's all of this??????i just try to let my eyes dry from tears that i speand for three days ago,but suddelly had something happend again like this??i really can't control everything it was a big shock for me,not wait anymore i call ''rock''but there was other people answer his fone and telling everything...i can't talk anymore and crying alot...it happend on 23 june 2008 last week.i'am crying whole night and do pray for him and ask to ALLAH to save him from danger.with much of wonder i keep waiting from he's cousin to telling me how was rock in that time,with crying and best hope from him...then at 03:49am he;s cousin send me sms''Hi..farhan here,rock is awake,congratulation,;m talking to him,you can call him now''.with happiness and Big thanks to GOD i do call him and talk to him.i'am started to cry when i hear his voice..coz he was very weak..i'm really feel so upsed but i try to hide my tears from him.thanks alot to GOD ur ready save his life.Baby...if all of that are my fault i'm really feel sorry...but i didn't mean that i will leave you sweet hearttttttttttttttttttt.......I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY...Now,Yesterday,Tomorrow,Next day,Eveyday and all the time i will loving you always...forever and ever sweet heart..till end of my life...

What's wrong with me

Fuuuuuuuuuiiiihhhh.....!!!!
It's been almost a week..since i'm trying to sleep well every night..but i still could didn't,i have tried so many ways just to had my sleep well and tide.but it seems none of those ways are useful for me,i have tried to drink milk every night just like my mother said,but my eyes are still opene so wide,and they're not tired at all..what's wrong with me....???
Yeeeeesssss i do....!!!i felt like something wrong with me lately just suddenly,i felt insecure and not fells right about anything....i know something been bothered me,but the problem is i don't even know it was what and why??so...defficult for me to solve this sleep problem.
Hmmmmm....I think i need some refreshing...
Well..maybe i will try to go somewhere next day or next week..but still don't know where is it???
Hahahah,,,this sleeping problems driving me crazy!!!!it fells like in hell,i couldn't think fresh and smart,i coulddn't do anything which make me enjoyable,nothing seems work.I'm soooo miss my sleep-well night,my nice dream night and everything which related to the sleep-well things,I really hope soon i will find to make my night be more exited and still-WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...---???????????

For you

As the night closes around me,I crul up on the couch and wish i could ask you..what you think?what you feel?what you want?what you dream of?getting to know is an experience that could take life time,without exhausting all my question..all my curiosity...all my need,there are..this moment...this day,as i make that evalution...i relize that i'am almost exacly where i want to be.
Life is so good for me,i think sometimes that i have been the most fortuned person,i have so much and i have no complaints about what i have been given,and then i found you...and you light up my days as if a sun shone down upon my head,the drops of rain that have washed clean are drying,in lght you cash upon me and i feel only eagerness to that next step to learn even more.The time is not out yet upon us...and i have much to work through before we reach that day yet...i feel as if no one has understood me as you do..and no one ever walked beside me so patiently,you do not touch me yet you do...you do not hold me yet you do..you do not know me yet you do...

Since you come into my life..i'm never quiet the same as i was an instant before,like a prism reflecting,reflacted light...i change as the light upon me changes..new color,new moods,new attitudes,continually changing,it can make it most exhausting to be exposed to me,there are days wish that i could be all all that you ever dreamed of,still not truly for''i'm who i'm comfortable with you baby...i wish you could be my friend,be my love,be my soulmate,and be all that you are..and know that in my way...in my heart...regardless of what has been and what will be..I LOVE YOU

This&that uuuggghhhh

I'm still feeling a little under the weather..fun times!!!it's not as bad as it started out though..thank goodness.the stuffiness(sinus i think)has nearly subsided,and really all thati'm left with it the headeche,i aso woke up with a stiff shoulder this morning,which was probably due to awkward sleeping positions,i just could not get comfortable.
I thought i would be excited about the Olympic,as i have in the past,not so much this time,i only have one station here that's running coverage and quiet frankly,it sucks,i only look forward to diving and gymnastics,there's not much else that i'm interested in,well last night i sat down to wach gymnastics after they mentioned they'd soon be going to it,i should have known better,it seems that swimming is all the rage,i got to wach a couple events before they went back to swimming,so irritating,i'm hoping it won't be like for all of the gymnastics coverage but i'm thinking it will.good luck anyway...!!!

Poor nephew

Today i really fell unhappy..bcoz My youngest nephew,may not be able to start pre K this year.The classes are at full capacity and he's still in 7th position on the waiting list.classes start in the morning,so it's not looking good.He was looking forward to it,surpringly enough,so he;s pretty bummed out,I think it's preety hopeless at this point,there's probably better luck finding a perfect ACNE CURE before he'll make it in before the AM.
Anyway...i sat down to watch some TV earlier but was disappointed ti find nothing on.Inclaudingthe olympics,as i mentioned previously,I guess my nephew not the only one that's bummed out that's night.i resorted to waching a movie wich lead to me forgetting that i still had my messengers running...oooopppsssssssssssss....!!!!!

Andy get fired...

Huhuhuhu....Andy get fired(the apprentice)how could be...???ngk terima dech gw..gw ampek
ngak kepikiran terus hebatnya kenaikan BBM yg ampek 85%pun,ngak mampu mengalihkan perhatian gw terhadap Andy get fired....juara debat se AMERICA,CUM LAUDE HARVARD,termuda di antara seluruh candidat calon pegawai trumph...
Wow...he's so Handsome right...??uuuggghhhh dont ask me about tat hehehehe....anyway..ANDY,was born raised in south florida where he reconized early on what it would take to succed in business,at the age of 13,Andy co-founded a concert package company,that focoused on both corporate and individual clients,as the youngest of four boys,Andy learned to use his speaking skill to defend himself at an early age in 1999,he utilized those verbal skill to win the U.S national debate championship in commentary speaking,Andy is a recent graduate of HARVARD UNIVERSITY,where he was founding member of organization delicated to fighting infectinued success both in and the broadroom.huhuhu...bye..bye..andy..

What i fell about you baby

There's no one like you in this world baby...

Always stays beside me..to see through and caring..
So thoughfull in all the things you do..

The ways you are always ssharing..
You are all i ever dreamed of..

Nothing else means more to me than knowing...

I LOVE YOU..and being and been loved by you..

I have a dream..i made a wish...

There's you inside..

When you be there for me..

If the world fall apart and were all of our memories re,ain in your heart

Through by my side...and follow my dreams..bear with pride...

As strong as it seems..will you be here with me..???

You..are.....!!!

The happiness i fell...when everything's gone wrong..

It's the way i sit here and think about crazy love songs..

It's the hope when everything's gone..

It's the dream i hold when i'm alone...

It's the sadness in my heart when i know you are not here

It's the safeness i have when i'm felling scared...

It's having some one to be with...some one you can't be without..

It's wanting to hold you in every second

That's all about youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I MISSING YOU SO MUCH BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Arti persahabatan

Hai...girls...hihi...gmn nih kbr loe2 pade heheeh...miss u so mush frend..!!!tau ngak dalam persa
habatan ini pada dasarnya perjalanan kita bedaaaaa bnget..??ya jelas donk itu semua ye.....!!!tapi nak ush khawatir lol..gw sll ad di sisi loe semua kok...walu tujuan hidup kita berbeda tapi gw jnji kok akan sll ad di smping klian semua...walaupun dalam perjalanan yang kau kehendaki kita ttp mengisi hati satu dg yg lainya kan??so what...ngk ush khawatir tuk mnjelang ato menggapai ap yg di iginkan meski kita harus dlm jln yg berbeda,tapi..arti sahabat tak akan pernah reda.arti persahabatan kita akan selalu trbawa dalam segala suasana..banyak memori yg udah kita lalui bersama,problema,persahabatan di sa'at suka duka and ceria,tangis,and segala macam udah kita laui bersama.kita berada dalam lingkaran persahabatan sejati,ngk ada yang terbaik di antara kita..tpi kita semua adalah yg terbaik di antara kita dalam perbedaan and persamaan,jadikanlah pershabtan ini suatu kebanggaan.

For all of girls miss u so muchhhhhhhhh....

Diam...

Laksana diamnya karang...Inilah kesendirian yang panjang
Melampui segala rasa..semenjak kau memilih jalan yg berbeda
Kebekuan yang kinu ku rasa..hanya kamu yang bisa meluluhkanya
Andai kau tau sebnyak apa aq ini merindukanmu???
Sebanyak gerimis yang turun dari langit.
Andai kau ada di sini letakkan tanganmu di dadaku..
Hitunglah detaknya sebanyak itulah namamu selalu kuagungkan.

Jalan cinta

Kususuri jalan cinta yang di hiasi bermacam iklan cinta....
''cinta''begitu dekat begitu nyata''
aku merasa cinta itu begitu dekat begitu nyata
''love is connecting people''
ah..bukankah demi cinta terkadang orang saling membunuh..
''cinta setiap sa'at''
kenapa selalu masih ada perselingkuhan..
''cinta inside''
pada kenyataanya benci juga ada di dalam hati
kulalui terus jalan ini...
yang pinggirnya di hiasi dengan rambu cinta...
'''p-di=coret tidak ada pria and perempuan untuk di cintai
''s-di coret=tidak boleh jalan sendirian di jalur ini
''terompet di coret=tidak blh menyatakan cinta secara lntang..
''verboden=cinta terlarang
rambu yng ku cari masih belum ketemu juga
ku pilir jalur tol cinta untuk menemukan cinta yang ku cari
10 menit berlalu..terlihat sebuah papan penunjuk di tol cinta
''cinta sejati 60km''
harapan terkuak,cinta sejati yang selama ini tidak jauh lagi jaraknya
20km menjalang cinta sejati,ku temukan kembali rambu cinta
semua berwarna kuning....
''Tanjakan''Berliku''Banyak orang yg menyeberang''Ada galian''
sungguh sulit ternyata jalan untuk mencapai cinta sejati hikhik...

gw belajar..

Gw belajar..Bahwa saya tidak dapat memaksa orang lain mencintai saya,saya hanya dapat melkukan sesuatu untun orang yang saya cintai....
Gw belajar,bahwa sahabat terbaik bersama sa'at dapat melakukan banyak hal and kami selalu memiliki waktu terbaik...
Gw belajar,bahwa persahabatan sejati senantiasa bertumpuh walau di pisahkan oleh jarak yang jauh,beberapa di antaranya melahirkan cinta sejati...
Gw belajar,bahwa sebaik-baiknya pasangan itu,mereka pasti pernah melukai perasaan gw and untuk itu gw harus mema'afkanya....
Gw belajar,bahwa lingkungan dapat mempengaruhi pribadi gw,tapi gw harus bertanggung jawap untuk apa yang saya telah lakukan...
Gw belajar,bahwa tidaklah penting apa yang saya miliki,tapi yang penting adalah siapa saya ini sebenarnya....
Gw belajar,bahwa gw harus memilih apakah menguasai sikap and emosi atau sikap and emosi itu yang menguasai diri gw...
Gw belajar,bahwa kata2 manis tanpa tindakan adalah sa'at perpisahan dengan orang yang yang gw cintai.....
Gw belajar,bahwa butuh waktu bertahun tahun untuk membangun kepercayaan and hanya beberapa detik saja untuk menghancurkanya....
Gw belajar,bahwa orang yang membangkitkan semangat hidup gw kembali serta orang yang begitu perhatian pada gw...
Gw belajar,bahwa jika seseorang tidak menunjukkan perhatian seperti yang saya inginkan,bukan berarti bahwa dia tidak mencintai gw...
Gw belajar,bahwa gw harus belajar mengampuni diri sendiri and orang lain,kalu tidak mau di kuasai perasaan bersalah terus menerus...
Gw belajar,bahwa dua manusia dapat melihat sebuah benda tapi kadang dari sudut pandangnya yang berbeda...
Gw belajar,bahwa tidak ada yang instant atau serba cepat di dunia ini,semua butuh proses pertumbuhan kecuali gw ingin sakit hati...
Gw belajar,bahwa gw punya hak untuk marah..but...itu bukan berarti gw harus benci and berlaku bengis...
Gw belajar,bhwa orang2 yang gw kasihi justry sering di ambil segera dari kehidupan ge...

More about me...

Jika anda''dekat''am aq(hani)heheh....anda harus bersiap-siap menjadi bahagia ata malah sangat bersedih...Aq adalh cewk yang super sibuk dengan prob aq sendiri,aq mampu hidup sendiri tanpa adanya pria atau cinta dalam kehidupanku...bener2 kuat ni ye...Bukan karena aq tidak dapat menemukan cowok impianku,tetapi cowok impianku,tetapi jika aq memang tidak dapat menemukan cowok demikian apa boleh buat...???
Apalagi karena memang aq berfikir bahwa aq mampu melakukan apapun yang mampu di kerjakan pria hihihih...aq juga tipe orang yang penuh percaya diri,aq suka suka melakukan segalanya sendiri,membuka pintu sendiri,melayani diri aq sendiri,karena aq berpikir menunggu bantuan orang lain melakukan hal itu.Aq suka menebak reaksi seseorang pria,tapi...pada sa'at yang bersamaan ia suka sekali jika ada banyak pria yang menginginkanya hahahah.....GR banget gw heheeh...aq juga tipe orang yang berani yang mampu melakukan banyak hal secara berbeda dari orang lain dalam lingkungan yang sama dalam hal positive tentunya hehehe...aq beraniberjuang untuk mendapatkan apa yang ia pikir menjadi miliknya.
Walaupun aq bertingkah penuh percaya diri,aq sering merasa kesepian and sendiri,jika aq putus dengan orang yang aq cintai aq tidak akan memperlihatkan emosi apapun..walaupun sebenarnya aq di penuhi dengan rasa sakit dan penderitaan,tak lama kemudian aq pasti akan kembali menjadi orang yang cerah ceria karena aq akan selalu melihat dunia secara positif and memiliki''kepercayaan''pada kata cinta.
Aq memiliki lebih banyak temen cowok dari pada cewek,maka jika ada yang mau ngajak aq ngedate jangan menjadi tipe pencemburu,aq mungkin sedikit pencemburu tapi aq sangat membenci cowok pencemburu,aq mencintai''kebebasan''baik sebelum dan sesudah menikah kebebasan aq harus sama dan tidak boleh diikat.
Aq ingin seseorang yang mencintaiku bisa mempercayaikusepenuhnya,bahkan jika aq sendiri tidak mempercayainya heheheh...aq suka menjadi pihak2 yg benar heheheh...so...bila ada yg bertengkar ama aq(special and always fight with my love''rock)heheheh...biarkan aq yg menang dulu yach baby hehehe...walaupun hal yang di pertengkarkan bkanlah hal yang besar.
Aq juga tipe cewek yang langsung and terbuka maka jika aq tidak lagi mencintai someone lg maka aq akan langsung mengatakan pada orang itu,cinta and hubungan yg aq bangun selalu nyata,so...if i said our love must be end so that's mean in reall meaning,not only keep teasing or just saying heheheh....
Aq bukan tipe cewek yang mudah terluka so ngak usah khawatir soal itu.aq mampu untuk bangkit sendiri jika aq bersama orang yg aq sayang,and orang if orang itu sakit maka aq akan merawat dia dengan tulus hati.jangan juga pernah juga menyimpan rahasia dari diri gw..coz i don't like at all..dalam hal itu and itu sangat bisa membuat aq marahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......ketika aq sedih aq ingin ada orang yang bisa ngreti aq,ketika aq merasa bahagia aq ingin bahagia itu aq nikmati bersamanya.
Di jamin ngak akan bosen dech am gw hehehe...siapapun yg udh pernah deket ama aq udah pasti akan tau siapa diri aq,di balik semua rasa percaya diri and sifat aq yang kayaknya berdarah dingin heheh...pada dasarnya gw sama aja rentanya seperti semua wanita di dunia ini.
Gw adalah orang yang menyenangkan heheeheh...(kata temen2 gw sich)and gw juga banyak bicara loooo....gw juga suka jail am orang lain xixixxi...so...jangan biarin gw berbicara sendiri gt oiii...coz dh pasti gw akn ninggalin low coy...!!!gw memiliki banyak tipe pekerjaan karena gw percaya bahwa apa yang bisa di lakukan kaum pria bisa juga gw melakukannya,oya...ketika gw fall in love with someone gw pasti bs mncintai dia itu dengan tulus sebaliknya dengan yg dia lakukan...asal dy bisa menerima gw apa adanya,
Jika gw lagi marah gw pengen banget ada seseorang yg mencari tempat untuk bereduh dari badai...tapi kalu gw lagi marah tuh sebenarnya cuman sebentar kok,gw juga bukan tipe cewek pembalas dendam and ngak akan pernah terpikirkan di otakku mengenai sa'at pembalasan.Banyak orang mungkin berfikir bahwa aq benar2''cewek hebat''walaupun sebenernya benar2 and 100 persen hebat hehehe...gw mudah terluka so...sebaiknya be careful kalu bersikap hahahah....but jika gw bener2 bisa mencintai dia...maka dia udh pasti beruntung gt lohhhh...!!!coz i much honest,tulus,and tidak akan pernah membuat someone fell bored.but gw minta klu gw terkadang akan menjadi terlalu percaya diri,and terkadang cenderung egois and bersikap ngebooooooooooossssssssssss..heheheeh.....

My little''Diary''

My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of my little diary...Antiqued an worn the words bleed from a hidden place..deep within one case..and wishpering spirit taryy..Frayed are my edges yet my glidding..remains beautifull....
Not a mere ornament...but a testamed to the tooling which has,has geared my life...sown tighly is my binding....i have weathered the years...i shine with wisdom an caracter like no other book....yet my cover bares the marks ordinary use....
Turn my pages lighly and you shall read my hued memories of dreams and dreaminess..Of times and timelessness,Of lives and liveliness....Upon my inner pages are scribbled achromatic dreams..My love..My hope..My life...this is such a treasure book of mine...
All my love and my life just for someone special...

''About me....''

Hi....>>>

Semua aq awali dengan senyum yang paling hangat yach hehehe.....ni sebagai diary aq kok so...terlalu privacy gt deh!!!

Okey...Nama lengkap gw:Hani firlika,But just call me''Hani''

Birtday date:di blitar 23 thn yang lalu,26 june 1985 heheheh....

Where did i live...di kota kecil yg ngak begitu crowded..

Hmmmm......very perfect place...

I like doing so many things..from reading till cooking...

I do enjoy watch a romantic movie series such a korean,japanese,indonesian,hollywood.

I have plenty collection of my favorite movie at my room....mmmmmmm!!!!

Ana of course I DO COLLECT THE ALL SERIES OF''FRIENDS''from the first season till the final one....

I think that movie is going to be remember always...''ngak ada matinya tuh film''cieeeee...

Whell,i'm the older dughter at my family..i have one younger brother...For me...My family are such a perfect one...I have funny dad and a hard mom so....I think thats the perfect ingredient.....hihihihih,,,,My parents are always give us a freedom to choose our way of life...eventhough sometimes become a little problem for their child...but i always try to think positive about that...

Oya...sa'at in gw pnya 3 sahabat cwek(best friend gt dech)udah lama kt tuh jln bareng..ada:Angga,Sita,and Alin...mereka adlah tmn kmn aj gw jln dr cm cari pakaian dalam,new fasion,cd and everyhing...kt sering jln breng in weekend just for hanging around,and having fun together..mmmmmm......

Berhub dua di antara mereka msh jmblo and gw am slh 1 tmn gw jg bs d blng jmblo gt...hehheh coz me and my friend are ready have boyfriend but in this time we are the are apart of us..so...we still can have fun together heheheh....(being jomblo mania kale....)

Sumprit...!!gw bener2 berharap gw dan mereka bisa STILL GO TOGETHER ampek nenek2...

The las is......

Thanks GOD that right now i have Someone to lean on...Someone to share on...Someone to understand and Guide me...Even that's not in reall yet...but i wish it could be...

I have my guardian angel now...even he's quiet enought far from me...but he always be apart in my Soul....He give me something and defferent love than other and i never had before...yeah ''ROCK''he's everything for me now...he;s really special to me..and i do love him so much..Can't leave without you''BABY''please don't ever leave me even one second....

I do want to have My future with him...

I felt so comfort and warm next to him...

I become someone else with him.someone's good..so very good...

Hopefully God gives us way to find our destiny and faith...

Our hope is to be ''ONE''someday..In the name of GOD(allah)

--hani rock forever''