Say a little prayer

One thing that keeps me a live all these yers was prayers,honestly as a person,i'am fragile inside,i cry easly,break down easily,wrry easily,want to give up easily and complain about this and that easily too,this is the real me.One that makes my parents,especially my mum,worry so much.However there is one powerful thing in this world that can keep a person a live,even the most fragile person.it's PRAYER.i'am thankful so much grateful to those,who never fail to say their prayers for me each time of their lives,my parent and my brother,and so my friend....they all give me strength and they will carry on living,to continue whatever i'm doing no matter hard nd impossible things are,they all make me feel loved.I,too,don't get lonely here or there without my family because of prayers...it's a wy to comunicate with god(allah)he is my everything.I believe,prayer are powerful,there are such things call mirales,yeah i supposed just think life it self miracles,and miracles can happend if we have a strong will to pray and to faith that it will happend.

Painful headache

I did not much this day,simply because i kept getting the same painful headache from the moment i opened my eyes those morning,it's bothered me so much that i start to wonder what cause this pain.
My friend said Anemia or even lack of oxygen in my brain...well those are really something for guess.....The headache makes me don't even want to get up from bed since it is painful...aaarrhhhh how i'm supposed to get up tomorrow to go somewhere early in the morning with this pain??it all begins again tomorrow...the deadly assigggggments and not-fun at all.

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Tuesday,september 16,2008

I managed to get my self out of bed on time this morning,ready to go for some exercise or do some cleaning in my room,i just ignored the headache so that i don't get bothered by it.reach at the park as the earliest attendant and was really looking forward to see the new person...hehehhe...one,two,there familiar faes come along at the park to do some exercise too,but much of them are do jogging and do some other exercise.while i do jogging was about to start,then a completely unfamiliar fe showed up,it was a''GUY''!!!...the uncle who walk beside to me instanly laughing after seeing my face expresion.whatttttttt...??another guy!!out of disbelief,it is true he is the one,i thought was a girl...yeah thanks to god..i put my hope high that the person would be a girl eeeeemmmm....
so yeah..now it's even toughter for me,a girl competing with that guy just great...and perfect.
I'm really tired today,extremly tired.even when i met my friend in a supermrket,she said i look exhausted,yes...i'am.my mind was blank,walking like a robot around city centre.luckily i managed to get part of my grocery shopping done.i go around the city super market to get some cheap veggies,apple,brown pear,yogurt and milk uuugghhhhh very heavy though,my hands felt like falling apart.And today's weather is so hooooooottttttttt and on top of that the sun really shining down on my head strongly.right just perfect combination for me.

I really fell upset

These days i so often call my parent on the phone and on home phone,but they not answer my call till 10 times,i'm in big tension and so worry with them all''my mum,my dad,and my bro''what's going on??but i'm not giving up and do keep on trying to call them,coz since two month ago i didn't call my parent like usually,coz i don't know how to explain to them specially my parent(i'm sorry mum,and dad,i really miss u all,but what can i do???)
Anyway i'm so happy when finally they answer my call(thanks god,they are still fine)i'm talking so much with my parent and so i ask them why did they didn't answer my call just now?my dad said they leave the phone at home and they where in my uncle house coz my elder cousin get some accident.me and my dad talking here and there and also do some joking hehehhe...it's really make me happy today,but that happy felling of mine are not stay longer,it stop since my dad told me about ramadan there and also about eid-.i know they are preparing for eid this time.but i try to whisper my self''it's ok hani..next time u can have time to celebrate with them,inshaalah''.
And so i can cheer up again after all,then sudelly my dad asking me''daughter...u had promise with us b4 eid-u will earn money for the eid-day?because u said to me that don't took any amount from my own acount for the eid,so i didn't took it to buy everything''Ohh...god,i forgot with my promise(well anyway i'm not forget with promise i had said to my parent)but for now i didn't have any money....yeah...i ready took all of my ammount for my parent to go in''mecca''so nothing leave now,only leeft $10.000 hk dlr but i could took that money,usually i need to send money for eid- since first of sept,but i didn't send it coz someone(.....???)aks me to send amount for him to buy some medicine for him self,i really confused that time wich one i must do transfer the money?my parent or him?coz both of them are meaningful in my life,and i dont know what should i do?
Finally i had to choose one of them,and so i did choose him coz he need more that money but beside that i'm crying alot coz i ignored my own parent and ask them to wait without say anything.and now the eid- is coming soon where i can get the money from and send to them like i had fullfill my promise to them?i really confused this time,event they have money in their account but i dont want they use the own money for this.and what should i doooooooooooooooo?????i can't say anything to them in this time and i don't know what to do?if i send first of next month it's too late for this,but if i don't send what will they think about me?for all my family(mum,dad,bro)from bottom of my heart i really sy sorry for this,coz i can't fulfill my own promise this time,i really so sorry for all.(i'm really fell upset dady...i wish u don't fell how upset was my felling this time and wish u don't fell that i'm crying alot since i call u today,pls don't think negative about me....i will fulfill all my promise.i do love you all...)

My new buddy

For the las several weeks,i have had a new friend accompanying me all the time at home.so..who is it...?????????It's brazilian turtle that i bought at a supermarket.but...untill now i still don't know wether it's male or female,i just have no clue at all.But i named it''ROCK''hahahahha....because when i miss my love so i just can waching at the turtle...(sorry baby just kidding''i love u so much my love'')
My turtle loves to eat and very clever(huuuussshhh just like my lovely baby rock)i give fish food,turtle food,veg,and mosquitos.sometimes(if i catch one...!!!and when it's dinner time and it sees me close,it'll come and approach me hehehehhe...so cute.it is fun to have a pet.i'm enjoying it very much...

Especially for you:bro

Today,as i sid previously,is my bro birthday,it's his 20th year of life,no fancy gift for him,only a little greeting card from me,but i'm sure it still is meaningful for him,for me,it is special gifts because it contains my gratefulness and thankfulness to my''allah''for giving me such a special brother,and my thankfulness to him for being who he is all the time,i feel that thank you is never enough when it's compared to what he's done for me.but from hes point of view,a little thank you might be able to put a smile on her face,that's what importnt about it,to make him smile,to make him happy.

Happy burtday bro...!!!

I remember the time we were little...laughing,crying,fighting with eah other,it was moments to remeber and i will always remember..!!!

now that you are grown up,i'm glad we had strong bond,sibling-hood and good friend.I'am thankful to you...for lstening to me...for the times together,for the things we learnt....Thnk you for being my brother...happy birthday bro....happy 20th birthday...!!!!may it be a blessed and a sweet one...!!!!!1
Love''your sist''

08-sept-2008

Fallen leaves..new hopes will grow

As i walking across the parkinng lots of university to the bus stop.i stopped on piles of fallen leaves with defferent browns colours,some light browns,some light browns,some dark browns,some yellow browns and some are greenish.as i moved forward wind blew other leaves separating them from the branches they were attahed to,it was like walking n a rain of leaves.
This happend every year,every autum in between september and november,and the tress become''bald''leafless..not really a pleasent scenery,really..!!!a bunch of trees in the park without any leaves,but i think if they(the trees i mean)were given choices,they will still choose this way being bald in autums and winter.
Yet they won't be stay bald for the rest of their lives,when winter passed away,spring comes new bud around the brances,new leaves grow gracefully a sign of new growth,new life,a new glory.
In the middle of spring they will be ready,trees full of leaves,ready to greet the coming sumer,the birds come and rest under the branch,to cooll down or to continually live under it's shadows,wich gives peace and comfort.and so the fallen leaves paid off for the better,greener and more beautiful growth in the future.
So is my lives..
There are things that lord wants me to give up in this present time,things that maybe dearly to me that i hold them so tight and dont want to let go,things that have been around and so familiar in my lives.
Let me learn from the trees and fallen leaves..letting go those precious''leaves''may be not easy task,but when the lord ask me to do so,he will give me the strengh to acomplish it,he will be with me and guide me step by step even i don't feel it.for when he does that,he already stores something better,something more beutiful and delightful for me in replae of things i give up.in that way...i grow each day better..greener,and beautiful in the eyes of the lord.
Let me learn from the fallen leaves...........

A called

These days,i so often call and been called on the phone by my brother,i'm happy in a way...I have a family nearby in the coutry,even though i still don't know when i'am going to visit him.
I'am sure he is coping there,i believe he can do it eeeehhhmmm like:ooking,washing,and all of the other stuffs by himself,he is a brave man...!!!yes...now he is a man,not a little boy i used to play with some years ago...
Time surely flies..we both are not in chilhood anymore,but it's good to know that we are sister and brother,insparatable ones.i know it for sure...i missed the time we hatted together in the night time just like two weeks ago.we still like we used to...shared the same bed and tell each other's bad sleepinng attitude.
Aaaaahhhh...i'am really grateful and blessed to have you''bro''!!!you are not only a brother,but also a friend:a dear one.good luck of us...hope i will visit you soon down there,god bless you bro...i love you...

Deeply touched

Oh...i feel so relieved now...
I have passed the presentation,it went very well eventhough i was very well eventhough i was actually feeling awfully.thanks to my family and my friends who had given me their countinuous supports throughout the day and also everyday.Especially my family:My mom&dad,also my younger brother.they were so great...eventhough they are miles way from me,but i could actually the support,they were giving me every second of time,they prayed,they encouraged,they convicent me that i can do it WITH GOD.
Thank you lord..for giving me a great family,i'am so so..thankful for them and thankful for you guidance throught the presentation.i know lord that without your presence there.

One day in chocolate shop

sunday:24 ags 2008

As i was trying to sit on one of the hight chairs,one lady stared at me...''odd..this asian girl is eating a cone of ice cream??!!''that's probably what she though of me,since she didn't stop staring at me until the time she left the shop.I heve been carving for an ice cream several day,and so..i had an ice cream.i felt bit misplaced by the way she stared at me,but the feeling quikly faded and replaed by thought of many things i stared out of the window.
The shop is located in the middle between a train station and a big shopping centre,it serves some hot beverages,cakes,ice creams and chocolates.wether people wants to just enjoy so,ething warm or pop in for a gift.it is there to satisfy it's costomers with nice and friendly staffs however it was not that which fascinated me.
I saw people....!!!
I saw couples holding hands and often kissing lightly,they look happy,but do they really have feeling of appreciation having their partner close to them?or is it just a lust?well they might not know how it feels to be far away from each other and being unreachable easly.''never mind i just wondering i said to my self''
I saw a daughter hugging her mum,who just arrived into this town to visit her daughter,they look happy,i sensed and saw it in their faces,the wide smiles and the emotions flowed through when they hugged,my feelings mingled..tears almost came unwelcomely.the scene i saw,potrayet an important relationship between mother and her child.without any commans,my brain brought back the memory regarding my mother,i missed her and wished her to be close to me,''one day you'll see her again and close to her everyday,don't worry..''i mumbled.
I saw some muslim people going in the direction to the station.aahhhh...my soul wanted to fly home,it may seemed so unrelated,but to me...??that how i interpretend what those muslim people were doing?RAMADAN AND EID...how nice to be at home during this time,''The time will come soon..''i whisper to my self.
And as i was finishing of my ice cream and stopping my self from wondering further away.

This is how i'am??dreamer of the prettiest thing in this world
....LOVE...(but i'am not desperated)hhhmmm is that wish to high for me??i guess not!!
but that's not the only reson why did i wrote this....
there's alot of things...question surrounding my mind..
one day i would let everyone know whatttt is bothering my mind(even they don't wish too)and uccualy i'am a person that lost my identity...(not really)i've been thinking alot of things that not exist,sometimes i didn't even know what i'm thinking about..very confusing indeed
sometimes i ask my self..am i alright?but don't worry hihihihih....

back to basic

Life do have a choice
sometimes when i sat alone and staring outside my window i though something in my mind
changes...yup..change..not my personality or my caracter but breaking the habit.
honestly i've been wasting alot of things in my life..moral and material..
sometimes i found hard to focus in my life..my attention distracted and its hard...to be a better person..independent woman.
i got alot of things to do..to plan...to get...and for that i have to..
changs someof my habitthat u opend almostall my times but nothing in return...i'm tired
i wish i could do that(must)bcoz life do have a choice

confused

It's funny when i can't find my self
looking from outside i'm standing here...
but all i want is to be over there
why did i let my self believe
miracles could happend
cause now i have to pretend
tha i dont really cre
i thought you were my fairytale
my dream where i'm not sleeping
i wish upon astars that's coming true
but everybody else could tell
that i confused my feelings with the truth
where yjere ws me and you
i swore i knew the melody
that i heard you singing
you made me feel
like i could sing along
but then you went and change the words
now my heart is empty
i'm only left with used-to-be's
and once upon a song...
i can't believe that i could be so blind
it's like you were floating while i was falling
and i didn't mind
because i like the view
i thougt you felt it too
when there was me and you

Thank you baby

Thank you baby..for sending me little things,to make me think
Laugh or smile..for when i'm down .it picks me up.
It's only for a while...that is why you are so dear..
Because you care for me..and you know your there with:
A listening ear or to take away blues,And i give thanks to you...
The good lord send your way for he knows i need some cheers..
Each and everyday to thank you for the wonderful gifts that i
receive...so i send My love to you because i know that you're are special,through and true....

What did i feel??

I look in the mirorr and sometimes i don't like my self
I relized there is a lot of me i don't know and that there is so much i can improve
Frish i have to learn that peolpe are sensitive to what i say...
I tend to be frank and sometimes hurt other people..
I hate that about my self.i always believe if someone love or care someone be honest to that person,and end up hurting people,so then i get confused and don't know why it all ends when it should be an honest exchange,These days were so full of emotions and i'am trying to find my self again...it's not easy uuugggggggggghhhhhh..

My fed up!!(again)

MY CURRENTLY MOOD:FED UP!!!!
Sometimes.....

I just feel unhappy.....

I don't know what is so wrong with me today.....?????

Do i woke up on the wrong side....???

Or just my bad day.....???

I don't know.....???!!!

I start my day with bad mood...all started from the time...I going to take shower...and getting ready to take my break fast....ooohhh well...(sigh)ok,9am already when I finished my work...(oooohhhh I gonna be late!!!!)

Rushing to bathroom...get dress up...!!!and ruuunnnnnn to the bus stop,luckly(for once)bus came as soon as I reach there....but my heart still feeling hmmmmmmhppp....!!!!just not right...@^@ ok nothing happend...ecxept...i sit with Indonesia handsome guy but feel very boring to look at him although he try to talk to me..but i ignore him as well uuuggghhhh!!!!!!!!

But what can i do I got to take it....(calm..calm...I told my self)

Well when i reach home at the noon time and guess whattttttttt???My computer is erorr..and the technician need 20 minutes to fix it!!!!wewwww..!!!ok very well I waited impatiently.Hmmmmm computer fixed...and i fell really tired...all going smoothly..but...again i got irritated with a girl from Indonesia too....she is friend from my friend and she's coming to my home with my friend.she keep seeking attention in front of me and my other friend..with firlting kind of attitude when she was talking someting....(my ear really felt disgusted just like my eyes)and her dressing...oohhh my GOD....!!!this is not discotic..!!!hello....???(huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!Ihate it....)

She and her other friend keep talking very laudly..on the phone with they boyfriend...!!!!

Well everything goes fine..when they all leave my home quikly...i really FED UP today...and the rest of the day..i just feel not right in my heart...i end up.....UNHAPPYY......till now...uugghhhhhh!!!!! except with best friend angga(love u ANGGA)I can't wait to close my eyes and wake up in the new and better dayyyyyyyyyyyyy..........

In case 2morrow never comes...

Promise me no more than that day...each day...each moment....we will be all that we can be for our self for one another,That we will give all that we can give...without reservation.without resentement,without fear.give to me no more than you would have me give to you,expect from me no more than you would give to me,share all that you are expect all that i'am.In hesitationlies uncertainty defeat,what dwells within your heart bears truth for you.Listen only to your heart can beat as one...and one heart can do impossible things.Know always that each tomorrow is a gift we can do impossible things.know always that each tomorrow is a gift we can not ask for,but only be greatful for,s dayligt fades to night,be thankful for the moments shared and in your heart hold tight the hand that holds you tight....and know that love is always right.in case tomorrow never comes...remember comes...remember always...that i have LOVE YOU...deeply,fully and eternally...so mote it be....I DO LOVE YOU BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Promises to keep

In an instant this moment will have passed and all that might have been will be ni more,new p

possibilities creep in with each breath we take,new dreams arise to fill us with hope,there are no guarantees in life,no promises that the sun will ever lift its self to shine upon us,yet there promises to be kept.some promises are only whispered the depths of night when the only sound to be heard is that of your gentle breathing.My mind floods with the emotion that i feel at the sound of your voice,laughter that reasonates in the deepest corners of my heart,i do not know the answer...not even fully yet questien still,i know that only two can fulfill,of course that only two can walk,no promises that ever we walk this path.yet still promises to be kept.What is today is not necesarily what will be tomorrow,times changes all and in your journey there is much you have done to smooth your own path.yet still you walk it in solitary silence,if determination could win battles there would be no more,for you would have to won them all,hold tight to that dream,to strength,to faith that what we will can be another promise yet to keep.You stand alone upon the barren ground,facing all that comes to you with anly what you can muster of your own,i tell you truly..love..reach out your hnd and will take it,let me be the rock you lean against...as you have been for me,let me be eart that hears your pain...and the arms that you hold you close so that none will ever take your strengh again,as you hold me up and bring laughter to my spirit when it is briken...so let me hold you..i'm not weak,i'm not afraid,i want only to give to you as you give to me.with open heart,with confidence,with trust,with love,my promise to keep.As one can be bent in the winds of frustation,two can hold strong to one another,as one can fail from weariness,two can find strenght in one another,as one can find silence echoing with loneliness,two can find it rings with compionship,there are no promise,love and no apportunities if we fail to reach out and take them...reach out your hand to me..trust that always will i hold it tight,and know that what strengh i can loan...is your always baby...from my bottom of my heart...to yours,a promise i will always keep.

Poison(stupid rock drink it)

Your crue.....deep eyes.....

Your blood....like ice.....
One look could kill....

My pain..your thrill........

Iwant to love you..but i dare not touch......

I want to hold you...but my senses tell me to stop....

I want to kiss you....
but i want it too much...

I want to taste you...nut your lips are venomous poison...You're Poison running trough my veins...

You're poison....Idon't wanna break these chains...!!!!You're mouth...so hot.....You're web...I'm caught....You're skin....so wet....Black lace on sweat....Ihear you calling....and it's...needles and pins.....Iwant to hurt you..just to hear you screaming my name....Don't want to touch you....But you're under my skin....deep in.......You are poison...running in my veins...............

FOR MY LOVELY BABY.....please don't do such thing like this agin...coz really i don't want to lose you...and i can't live without youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....!!!!!