About Me

It again for the second times as a request from such a warm''GREAT''friend''Calvin''let me start...
ANOTHER 10 THINGS ABOUT ME''HANY''
1) She is very PERFECTIONIST person,who would stress herself out(and sometimes to the measure of depression)to do things as perfect as she wants.
2) Be who she is,say exacly what her mind and heart say and won't even act nice if her heart is disliking something,Too STRAIGHT FORWARD??maybe....
3) She enjoys cross-stitching,knitting,scrapbooking and sometimes sketching random things,after sometime of not knitting,i will soon start knitting a pair of mitten for my love,i hope it will work out well.
4) She dreams of having twins!!!Tee-hee...
5) She has super sensitive nose that even my friend always think and said that''hany''was a doggy in the previos life''bite rock''hahahahah...
6) People's first impression of her''RUDE,AROGANT,QUIET AND JUDES''(mungkin krn modelku garang x yeeeeeeeee)The impression after:talkactive and such a crazy gal!!!
7) She is super quiet when she is angry and always puts such a face that friend around and maybr also rock really hates(i'm working hard on reducing my temper)
8) She loves cyicling,but hates other sports,that reminds me of old time when i always compete with my BFF for fun.
9) She is not morning person.
10) She has no regrets,anything i do,i do it with pleasure,even there might be some not so good time in between.in my life,i have no regrets and will never have,i cherish everything that happends in my life,anyone that comes into my life and all that has been given into me,for i believe nothing good will come out of regret)
Cal..thanks once again for such a prise and the prayer*hugs*
ps.Anyone would like to this???you are most wellcome to do so....

Making Him Smile...!!!

wed,29 oct 2008
It's been a while since i planed to buy him new LAPTOP for his birthday gift,yeah actually i have ready both laptop for him few month ago,but after seen other model new arriaval with ame brand he wanted too.i have been surveying on prices of different stores,voila...yesterday we found a great price in one of the store in electric shop.got 30% discount of the normal price plus 150 cashback from HP laptop.thus the cheapest price i found...!!!
And i made him smile so wide and brighly..oh god..i love to make him smile.
ps:so now he has a new LAPTOP and been busy with it..!!!

Life goes on

Firstly i'd like to thank everyone who has tried to cheer me up and brighten my feeling,the disappointed lingered of my self for days in me.it strucked me even deeper when my parents asked about it(i knew they would anywy...)but they know there is nothing can be done to change my marks,the most i can do and should do is to do my best in my own life,i shall not stop.Today during my prayer time my aunt call me and sk how was in hk.i did said can u call me after my prayer time?then she ask me wether there is anything i need to be prayed on?The first word that came out from my mouth ws''confident'',i needed it so bad that i was not sure whether i can pass my bachelor with good degree as my aunt was talking.after i cut off the phone i could not help but cried i felt relatived as if all burden in my heart has been lifted up by allah.I haven't cried so much on my own lately..usually i cry to him on my own when there is a matter or two,maybe i kept it inside my self this time and it sure was painful.After i finish praying i felt much better,i felt my heart was light and i'am stronger and confident.now i can say to my self''i'am able to go through this''do my best and get a good degree.i feel great smile on my face.
As i call my chilhood friend who always praying for me was smiling at me giving me a sense and happiness''nothing wasted''he's said.it open my mind the lord let me to go through all of these things for purpose.even if it is painful in this present time and may seem useless at all to the future.it is great feeling to know that all of these thing,all of these lesson and knowledge won't be wasted,the time will come when i will using what i have learned now,i'm happy now......

I feeling so upsed

Today i'm feeling so upsed..yeah while my friend call me this morning i wanted to cry and scream loudly,so let whole world knowing what kind of things that can making me feel so upsed.

My friend had telling me about her birthday,i feel so jelous with that but what kind i do?she had an surprise from her bf and also sweet greating from the fone,card,and sms.she did recieve in the midlle of the night at 12pm.oh..my god that sooooo sweet and why i can't hide my tears from my eyes when i hear she talk about this this morning?i imagine if someone i love doing the same for me on my birthday last month!!!but tha only a dream from me,coz on that time my bf didn't say anything for me,and he didn't text me something sweet on that time.he did say forget while i remind him on his birthday.my heart was crying how could he's forget my birthday?did he really love me?why did he forget on my birthday?and why did he can remember other people birthday?i wish i could have a wonderful story like my friend.but when and whom going to give me any surprise??why i can't stop my tears while i remember this story?

No matter about him did he really forget or what i don't even know the reason,maybe i'm not so special for him like other yeah maybe.anyway i also had a great birthday(even though i still feel that it is not complete yet,since someone forgoten my birthday)i did remember always that happend,it's so wonderful for my life even my heart crying alot,yeah that time i was going to my friend's place to fix her computer,i was actually being set up for her.(i didn't know they planned a surprise little party for me)it seen really crazy that time my heart feel like out from my chest when i knock the door and start go in her house they said''SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!''luckly my heart ws so strong inside there.my tears roll down from my eyes,how could other people remember my birthday and someone i love had forgoten about that?huh.....

It was very nice,there were nine of us including me,four other indonesians and four of them from deferent parts of the world.they cooked me delicious meals like:laksa,chicken rice,fried chicken,sushi,and veg eeeemmm yummy...!!!they sang me''HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG''and gave me a chocolate birthday cake.that was the second surprise''while i was went to toilet and when i was walking back to the living room it was so quiet,i didn't know what is going on again.then i went in there the room was dark,and they sang and i saw a cake with candle there...i'm so surprise with that i begin to cry in happiness.they gave me a sweet greeting and present too ooohhh i really feel a,amazed when i remember that time.
Yeah i can't forget that memory in 26-june-2008 is so wonderful story of my life that i never had before.yeah...anyway one of them are had indonesia boy.so we all really having fun that time.after dinner let the games begins...yeah..we'll playing game together,first game we'll play''scirsos,paper,stone''i need to fight 8 person that time,if one of us loose we need to eat one sushi yeeee...that was the starter crazy i'm so full and can't take ot anymore,then after half of the game we'll agree to change the sushi to water,oh my god we'll keep on playimg and playing any other games,and i do lost 14 times heheheh..so i had 11 big cups of water.

they all really play me on that time.i feel so tired,and sleepy.but my friend don't let me go to sleep even a while only uuuggghhh my eyes soooo heavy and very hard to opened,but they keep saying u can't go to sleep coz ur the birthday girl,oh my god...!!!

But finally they all feel pity with me after they seen my eyes can't opened anymore,they let me go to sleep and took some rest..yeah ur so good friend heheehe....i slept on her bed for while(thanks dear)and ended up i wanted to going home coz i could not slept well there.then while i'm home ready in early morning around 4 and 5 aclock i recieve many sms greating from my friend,but there no any sms i recieve from someone ilove,and so i begin to crying at that time.messege from my chilhood friend:

''where did you having little party yesterday''

''what kind of surprise party from yr from and other?''

''what did u eat for dinner?u did keep drinking water 11 big cups right?coz u did lost playing a game''oooooopppssss...how did he know???

''big question sign inside my head''how did he know what was i get and did that night''

''at that point i was a bit worried that he might reach negatively thinking..oohhh nooo''

But still feel my stomach is funny on next morning.i don't feel like eating,but my head get headech coz not enough sleept on that time,anyway it was a nice and sweet birthday surprise for me,from inside my heart i said thank you for everyone who said''happy birthday''to me,for my''chilhood friend'' that ready send me care enough to send a b'day card,sms,and gave me a call and say sweet greating first time than other.for my friend''Calvin''that gave me big mickey mouse doll,for my friend''Deandra''that gave me''mobile phone''for my birth present.for my friend''Tari''that gave me silver pendent that has my birthday sign.for my friend''Alin''that gave me''My favorite movie disc''for my mum and dad and also my bro that sending me something special heheh...and also big thanks from my deep heart for al my other friend who has big care for me by sending sms and sweet greeting,thank you so..so..muchhhhhhh.anyway now i'm 23 years old.....

Say a little prayer

One thing that keeps me a live all these yers was prayers,honestly as a person,i'am fragile inside,i cry easly,break down easily,wrry easily,want to give up easily and complain about this and that easily too,this is the real me.One that makes my parents,especially my mum,worry so much.However there is one powerful thing in this world that can keep a person a live,even the most fragile person.it's PRAYER.i'am thankful so much grateful to those,who never fail to say their prayers for me each time of their lives,my parent and my brother,and so my friend....they all give me strength and they will carry on living,to continue whatever i'm doing no matter hard nd impossible things are,they all make me feel loved.I,too,don't get lonely here or there without my family because of prayers...it's a wy to comunicate with god(allah)he is my everything.I believe,prayer are powerful,there are such things call mirales,yeah i supposed just think life it self miracles,and miracles can happend if we have a strong will to pray and to faith that it will happend.

Painful headache

I did not much this day,simply because i kept getting the same painful headache from the moment i opened my eyes those morning,it's bothered me so much that i start to wonder what cause this pain.
My friend said Anemia or even lack of oxygen in my brain...well those are really something for guess.....The headache makes me don't even want to get up from bed since it is painful...aaarrhhhh how i'm supposed to get up tomorrow to go somewhere early in the morning with this pain??it all begins again tomorrow...the deadly assigggggments and not-fun at all.

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Tuesday,september 16,2008

I managed to get my self out of bed on time this morning,ready to go for some exercise or do some cleaning in my room,i just ignored the headache so that i don't get bothered by it.reach at the park as the earliest attendant and was really looking forward to see the new person...hehehhe...one,two,there familiar faes come along at the park to do some exercise too,but much of them are do jogging and do some other exercise.while i do jogging was about to start,then a completely unfamiliar fe showed up,it was a''GUY''!!!...the uncle who walk beside to me instanly laughing after seeing my face expresion.whatttttttt...??another guy!!out of disbelief,it is true he is the one,i thought was a girl...yeah thanks to god..i put my hope high that the person would be a girl eeeeemmmm....
so yeah..now it's even toughter for me,a girl competing with that guy just great...and perfect.
I'm really tired today,extremly tired.even when i met my friend in a supermrket,she said i look exhausted,yes...i'am.my mind was blank,walking like a robot around city centre.luckily i managed to get part of my grocery shopping done.i go around the city super market to get some cheap veggies,apple,brown pear,yogurt and milk uuugghhhhh very heavy though,my hands felt like falling apart.And today's weather is so hooooooottttttttt and on top of that the sun really shining down on my head strongly.right just perfect combination for me.

I really fell upset

These days i so often call my parent on the phone and on home phone,but they not answer my call till 10 times,i'm in big tension and so worry with them all''my mum,my dad,and my bro''what's going on??but i'm not giving up and do keep on trying to call them,coz since two month ago i didn't call my parent like usually,coz i don't know how to explain to them specially my parent(i'm sorry mum,and dad,i really miss u all,but what can i do???)
Anyway i'm so happy when finally they answer my call(thanks god,they are still fine)i'm talking so much with my parent and so i ask them why did they didn't answer my call just now?my dad said they leave the phone at home and they where in my uncle house coz my elder cousin get some accident.me and my dad talking here and there and also do some joking hehehhe...it's really make me happy today,but that happy felling of mine are not stay longer,it stop since my dad told me about ramadan there and also about eid-.i know they are preparing for eid this time.but i try to whisper my self''it's ok hani..next time u can have time to celebrate with them,inshaalah''.
And so i can cheer up again after all,then sudelly my dad asking me''daughter...u had promise with us b4 eid-u will earn money for the eid-day?because u said to me that don't took any amount from my own acount for the eid,so i didn't took it to buy everything''Ohh...god,i forgot with my promise(well anyway i'm not forget with promise i had said to my parent)but for now i didn't have any money....yeah...i ready took all of my ammount for my parent to go in''mecca''so nothing leave now,only leeft $10.000 hk dlr but i could took that money,usually i need to send money for eid- since first of sept,but i didn't send it coz someone(.....???)aks me to send amount for him to buy some medicine for him self,i really confused that time wich one i must do transfer the money?my parent or him?coz both of them are meaningful in my life,and i dont know what should i do?
Finally i had to choose one of them,and so i did choose him coz he need more that money but beside that i'm crying alot coz i ignored my own parent and ask them to wait without say anything.and now the eid- is coming soon where i can get the money from and send to them like i had fullfill my promise to them?i really confused this time,event they have money in their account but i dont want they use the own money for this.and what should i doooooooooooooooo?????i can't say anything to them in this time and i don't know what to do?if i send first of next month it's too late for this,but if i don't send what will they think about me?for all my family(mum,dad,bro)from bottom of my heart i really sy sorry for this,coz i can't fulfill my own promise this time,i really so sorry for all.(i'm really fell upset dady...i wish u don't fell how upset was my felling this time and wish u don't fell that i'm crying alot since i call u today,pls don't think negative about me....i will fulfill all my promise.i do love you all...)

My new buddy

For the las several weeks,i have had a new friend accompanying me all the time at home.so..who is it...?????????It's brazilian turtle that i bought at a supermarket.but...untill now i still don't know wether it's male or female,i just have no clue at all.But i named it''ROCK''hahahahha....because when i miss my love so i just can waching at the turtle...(sorry baby just kidding''i love u so much my love'')
My turtle loves to eat and very clever(huuuussshhh just like my lovely baby rock)i give fish food,turtle food,veg,and mosquitos.sometimes(if i catch one...!!!and when it's dinner time and it sees me close,it'll come and approach me hehehehhe...so cute.it is fun to have a pet.i'm enjoying it very much...

Especially for you:bro

Today,as i sid previously,is my bro birthday,it's his 20th year of life,no fancy gift for him,only a little greeting card from me,but i'm sure it still is meaningful for him,for me,it is special gifts because it contains my gratefulness and thankfulness to my''allah''for giving me such a special brother,and my thankfulness to him for being who he is all the time,i feel that thank you is never enough when it's compared to what he's done for me.but from hes point of view,a little thank you might be able to put a smile on her face,that's what importnt about it,to make him smile,to make him happy.

Happy burtday bro...!!!

I remember the time we were little...laughing,crying,fighting with eah other,it was moments to remeber and i will always remember..!!!

now that you are grown up,i'm glad we had strong bond,sibling-hood and good friend.I'am thankful to you...for lstening to me...for the times together,for the things we learnt....Thnk you for being my brother...happy birthday bro....happy 20th birthday...!!!!may it be a blessed and a sweet one...!!!!!1
Love''your sist''

08-sept-2008

Fallen leaves..new hopes will grow

As i walking across the parkinng lots of university to the bus stop.i stopped on piles of fallen leaves with defferent browns colours,some light browns,some light browns,some dark browns,some yellow browns and some are greenish.as i moved forward wind blew other leaves separating them from the branches they were attahed to,it was like walking n a rain of leaves.
This happend every year,every autum in between september and november,and the tress become''bald''leafless..not really a pleasent scenery,really..!!!a bunch of trees in the park without any leaves,but i think if they(the trees i mean)were given choices,they will still choose this way being bald in autums and winter.
Yet they won't be stay bald for the rest of their lives,when winter passed away,spring comes new bud around the brances,new leaves grow gracefully a sign of new growth,new life,a new glory.
In the middle of spring they will be ready,trees full of leaves,ready to greet the coming sumer,the birds come and rest under the branch,to cooll down or to continually live under it's shadows,wich gives peace and comfort.and so the fallen leaves paid off for the better,greener and more beautiful growth in the future.
So is my lives..
There are things that lord wants me to give up in this present time,things that maybe dearly to me that i hold them so tight and dont want to let go,things that have been around and so familiar in my lives.
Let me learn from the trees and fallen leaves..letting go those precious''leaves''may be not easy task,but when the lord ask me to do so,he will give me the strengh to acomplish it,he will be with me and guide me step by step even i don't feel it.for when he does that,he already stores something better,something more beutiful and delightful for me in replae of things i give up.in that way...i grow each day better..greener,and beautiful in the eyes of the lord.
Let me learn from the fallen leaves...........

A called

These days,i so often call and been called on the phone by my brother,i'm happy in a way...I have a family nearby in the coutry,even though i still don't know when i'am going to visit him.
I'am sure he is coping there,i believe he can do it eeeehhhmmm like:ooking,washing,and all of the other stuffs by himself,he is a brave man...!!!yes...now he is a man,not a little boy i used to play with some years ago...
Time surely flies..we both are not in chilhood anymore,but it's good to know that we are sister and brother,insparatable ones.i know it for sure...i missed the time we hatted together in the night time just like two weeks ago.we still like we used to...shared the same bed and tell each other's bad sleepinng attitude.
Aaaaahhhh...i'am really grateful and blessed to have you''bro''!!!you are not only a brother,but also a friend:a dear one.good luck of us...hope i will visit you soon down there,god bless you bro...i love you...

Deeply touched

Oh...i feel so relieved now...
I have passed the presentation,it went very well eventhough i was very well eventhough i was actually feeling awfully.thanks to my family and my friends who had given me their countinuous supports throughout the day and also everyday.Especially my family:My mom&dad,also my younger brother.they were so great...eventhough they are miles way from me,but i could actually the support,they were giving me every second of time,they prayed,they encouraged,they convicent me that i can do it WITH GOD.
Thank you lord..for giving me a great family,i'am so so..thankful for them and thankful for you guidance throught the presentation.i know lord that without your presence there.

One day in chocolate shop

sunday:24 ags 2008

As i was trying to sit on one of the hight chairs,one lady stared at me...''odd..this asian girl is eating a cone of ice cream??!!''that's probably what she though of me,since she didn't stop staring at me until the time she left the shop.I heve been carving for an ice cream several day,and so..i had an ice cream.i felt bit misplaced by the way she stared at me,but the feeling quikly faded and replaed by thought of many things i stared out of the window.
The shop is located in the middle between a train station and a big shopping centre,it serves some hot beverages,cakes,ice creams and chocolates.wether people wants to just enjoy so,ething warm or pop in for a gift.it is there to satisfy it's costomers with nice and friendly staffs however it was not that which fascinated me.
I saw people....!!!
I saw couples holding hands and often kissing lightly,they look happy,but do they really have feeling of appreciation having their partner close to them?or is it just a lust?well they might not know how it feels to be far away from each other and being unreachable easly.''never mind i just wondering i said to my self''
I saw a daughter hugging her mum,who just arrived into this town to visit her daughter,they look happy,i sensed and saw it in their faces,the wide smiles and the emotions flowed through when they hugged,my feelings mingled..tears almost came unwelcomely.the scene i saw,potrayet an important relationship between mother and her child.without any commans,my brain brought back the memory regarding my mother,i missed her and wished her to be close to me,''one day you'll see her again and close to her everyday,don't worry..''i mumbled.
I saw some muslim people going in the direction to the station.aahhhh...my soul wanted to fly home,it may seemed so unrelated,but to me...??that how i interpretend what those muslim people were doing?RAMADAN AND EID...how nice to be at home during this time,''The time will come soon..''i whisper to my self.
And as i was finishing of my ice cream and stopping my self from wondering further away.

This is how i'am??dreamer of the prettiest thing in this world
....LOVE...(but i'am not desperated)hhhmmm is that wish to high for me??i guess not!!
but that's not the only reson why did i wrote this....
there's alot of things...question surrounding my mind..
one day i would let everyone know whatttt is bothering my mind(even they don't wish too)and uccualy i'am a person that lost my identity...(not really)i've been thinking alot of things that not exist,sometimes i didn't even know what i'm thinking about..very confusing indeed
sometimes i ask my self..am i alright?but don't worry hihihihih....

back to basic

Life do have a choice
sometimes when i sat alone and staring outside my window i though something in my mind
changes...yup..change..not my personality or my caracter but breaking the habit.
honestly i've been wasting alot of things in my life..moral and material..
sometimes i found hard to focus in my life..my attention distracted and its hard...to be a better person..independent woman.
i got alot of things to do..to plan...to get...and for that i have to..
changs someof my habitthat u opend almostall my times but nothing in return...i'm tired
i wish i could do that(must)bcoz life do have a choice

confused

It's funny when i can't find my self
looking from outside i'm standing here...
but all i want is to be over there
why did i let my self believe
miracles could happend
cause now i have to pretend
tha i dont really cre
i thought you were my fairytale
my dream where i'm not sleeping
i wish upon astars that's coming true
but everybody else could tell
that i confused my feelings with the truth
where yjere ws me and you
i swore i knew the melody
that i heard you singing
you made me feel
like i could sing along
but then you went and change the words
now my heart is empty
i'm only left with used-to-be's
and once upon a song...
i can't believe that i could be so blind
it's like you were floating while i was falling
and i didn't mind
because i like the view
i thougt you felt it too
when there was me and you

Thank you baby

Thank you baby..for sending me little things,to make me think
Laugh or smile..for when i'm down .it picks me up.
It's only for a while...that is why you are so dear..
Because you care for me..and you know your there with:
A listening ear or to take away blues,And i give thanks to you...
The good lord send your way for he knows i need some cheers..
Each and everyday to thank you for the wonderful gifts that i
receive...so i send My love to you because i know that you're are special,through and true....

What did i feel??

I look in the mirorr and sometimes i don't like my self
I relized there is a lot of me i don't know and that there is so much i can improve
Frish i have to learn that peolpe are sensitive to what i say...
I tend to be frank and sometimes hurt other people..
I hate that about my self.i always believe if someone love or care someone be honest to that person,and end up hurting people,so then i get confused and don't know why it all ends when it should be an honest exchange,These days were so full of emotions and i'am trying to find my self again...it's not easy uuugggggggggghhhhhh..