Life goes on

Firstly i'd like to thank everyone who has tried to cheer me up and brighten my feeling,the disappointed lingered of my self for days in me.it strucked me even deeper when my parents asked about it(i knew they would anywy...)but they know there is nothing can be done to change my marks,the most i can do and should do is to do my best in my own life,i shall not stop.Today during my prayer time my aunt call me and sk how was in hk.i did said can u call me after my prayer time?then she ask me wether there is anything i need to be prayed on?The first word that came out from my mouth ws''confident'',i needed it so bad that i was not sure whether i can pass my bachelor with good degree as my aunt was talking.after i cut off the phone i could not help but cried i felt relatived as if all burden in my heart has been lifted up by allah.I haven't cried so much on my own lately..usually i cry to him on my own when there is a matter or two,maybe i kept it inside my self this time and it sure was painful.After i finish praying i felt much better,i felt my heart was light and i'am stronger and confident.now i can say to my self''i'am able to go through this''do my best and get a good degree.i feel great smile on my face.
As i call my chilhood friend who always praying for me was smiling at me giving me a sense and happiness''nothing wasted''he's said.it open my mind the lord let me to go through all of these things for purpose.even if it is painful in this present time and may seem useless at all to the future.it is great feeling to know that all of these thing,all of these lesson and knowledge won't be wasted,the time will come when i will using what i have learned now,i'm happy now......

I feeling so upsed

Today i'm feeling so upsed..yeah while my friend call me this morning i wanted to cry and scream loudly,so let whole world knowing what kind of things that can making me feel so upsed.

My friend had telling me about her birthday,i feel so jelous with that but what kind i do?she had an surprise from her bf and also sweet greating from the fone,card,and sms.she did recieve in the midlle of the night at 12pm.oh..my god that sooooo sweet and why i can't hide my tears from my eyes when i hear she talk about this this morning?i imagine if someone i love doing the same for me on my birthday last month!!!but tha only a dream from me,coz on that time my bf didn't say anything for me,and he didn't text me something sweet on that time.he did say forget while i remind him on his birthday.my heart was crying how could he's forget my birthday?did he really love me?why did he forget on my birthday?and why did he can remember other people birthday?i wish i could have a wonderful story like my friend.but when and whom going to give me any surprise??why i can't stop my tears while i remember this story?

No matter about him did he really forget or what i don't even know the reason,maybe i'm not so special for him like other yeah maybe.anyway i also had a great birthday(even though i still feel that it is not complete yet,since someone forgoten my birthday)i did remember always that happend,it's so wonderful for my life even my heart crying alot,yeah that time i was going to my friend's place to fix her computer,i was actually being set up for her.(i didn't know they planned a surprise little party for me)it seen really crazy that time my heart feel like out from my chest when i knock the door and start go in her house they said''SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!''luckly my heart ws so strong inside there.my tears roll down from my eyes,how could other people remember my birthday and someone i love had forgoten about that?huh.....

It was very nice,there were nine of us including me,four other indonesians and four of them from deferent parts of the world.they cooked me delicious meals like:laksa,chicken rice,fried chicken,sushi,and veg eeeemmm yummy...!!!they sang me''HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG''and gave me a chocolate birthday cake.that was the second surprise''while i was went to toilet and when i was walking back to the living room it was so quiet,i didn't know what is going on again.then i went in there the room was dark,and they sang and i saw a cake with candle there...i'm so surprise with that i begin to cry in happiness.they gave me a sweet greeting and present too ooohhh i really feel a,amazed when i remember that time.
Yeah i can't forget that memory in 26-june-2008 is so wonderful story of my life that i never had before.yeah...anyway one of them are had indonesia boy.so we all really having fun that time.after dinner let the games begins...yeah..we'll playing game together,first game we'll play''scirsos,paper,stone''i need to fight 8 person that time,if one of us loose we need to eat one sushi yeeee...that was the starter crazy i'm so full and can't take ot anymore,then after half of the game we'll agree to change the sushi to water,oh my god we'll keep on playimg and playing any other games,and i do lost 14 times heheheh..so i had 11 big cups of water.

they all really play me on that time.i feel so tired,and sleepy.but my friend don't let me go to sleep even a while only uuuggghhh my eyes soooo heavy and very hard to opened,but they keep saying u can't go to sleep coz ur the birthday girl,oh my god...!!!

But finally they all feel pity with me after they seen my eyes can't opened anymore,they let me go to sleep and took some rest..yeah ur so good friend heheehe....i slept on her bed for while(thanks dear)and ended up i wanted to going home coz i could not slept well there.then while i'm home ready in early morning around 4 and 5 aclock i recieve many sms greating from my friend,but there no any sms i recieve from someone ilove,and so i begin to crying at that time.messege from my chilhood friend:

''where did you having little party yesterday''

''what kind of surprise party from yr from and other?''

''what did u eat for dinner?u did keep drinking water 11 big cups right?coz u did lost playing a game''oooooopppssss...how did he know???

''big question sign inside my head''how did he know what was i get and did that night''

''at that point i was a bit worried that he might reach negatively thinking..oohhh nooo''

But still feel my stomach is funny on next morning.i don't feel like eating,but my head get headech coz not enough sleept on that time,anyway it was a nice and sweet birthday surprise for me,from inside my heart i said thank you for everyone who said''happy birthday''to me,for my''chilhood friend'' that ready send me care enough to send a b'day card,sms,and gave me a call and say sweet greating first time than other.for my friend''Calvin''that gave me big mickey mouse doll,for my friend''Deandra''that gave me''mobile phone''for my birth present.for my friend''Tari''that gave me silver pendent that has my birthday sign.for my friend''Alin''that gave me''My favorite movie disc''for my mum and dad and also my bro that sending me something special heheh...and also big thanks from my deep heart for al my other friend who has big care for me by sending sms and sweet greeting,thank you so..so..muchhhhhhh.anyway now i'm 23 years old.....