21,march,2009
Add;1)I cant live without u,you give my live meaning...
aut:1)I can live without ubut i choose not to.
2)You make me feel valuable when i'm with you,i'm somebody..
2)I'm a valuable person and you affirm value to me.
3)I cant make it on my own...
3)I can make iton my own,having you as my part of my life make it easier.
4)I want you to be a total part of my life,an i want to be a total part of yours.
4)We are two separate people with individual lives to lead i encaurage you to
pursue your interest and i will pursue mine,this kind of space and divers
sity is good for us.
5)All the hard times are worth the good times,i will be there no matter what
happens.
5)Love should seek another's highest good,to the best of my abality,i will do that
for you...
6)I cant bear to think of you sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone
else,you aretheonly one who has ever understood me.
6)We are richer for sharing our lives with other people,i encourage you to have
other close relathiomship.
7)You should be sensitive to my neds,i have feelings,youknow and i need you
to take that into consideration.
7)Mutuality is the glue that holds us together,i enjoy you and in that enjoyment many of my needs for importance belonging and intimacy are met.
8)If u really care you will threat me the way i need to be threated to feel good.
8)I will accept the way u show me you care about me,sometimes i may have to ask u abt yr actions,but generally i will take at face value what you say an do.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
To be Invisible
20,march,2009
Because i based my self esteem on what others thought of me,unknowingly i gave thempower to define my value,i wanted-needed-everyone to like me,so i became a people pleaser,trying to blend in,i didn't like my self but i desperately wanted to believe that someone did.
From the time started i wanted to be invisible,i was quiet and very private to avoid being hurt,mocked,or rejected.i rarely revealed my feelings or opinion.
I find my self believing in my daydreams so strongly that i get hurt and disappointed when reality hits me,my daydreams are very unrealistic,i know that but it helps me escape.
Because i based my self esteem on what others thought of me,unknowingly i gave thempower to define my value,i wanted-needed-everyone to like me,so i became a people pleaser,trying to blend in,i didn't like my self but i desperately wanted to believe that someone did.
From the time started i wanted to be invisible,i was quiet and very private to avoid being hurt,mocked,or rejected.i rarely revealed my feelings or opinion.
I find my self believing in my daydreams so strongly that i get hurt and disappointed when reality hits me,my daydreams are very unrealistic,i know that but it helps me escape.
New places
march,03,2009
After a week i'm tryingmy new job and places,but i'm still uncomfortable and oesn't believe why i'm here???this is normal feeling i whisper to my self coz i never been in this places before,the places that i'm staying right now is really far from the city.but is really clam and nice places.
I'm staying with friendly family i like them all coz they're treat me really nice and polite(thanks god)
After i done all of my job i send sms to''bilal''the sms quiet funny exacly hehehehe...but it can make me feel comfortable even all of this is fake maybe...this is he's sms:
##U SK YOUR HEART?AM I NEVER ROMANTIC?IM NOT LOYAL?I'M NOT SINCERE?WHO GET ANGRY?U OR ME?WHO START FIGHTING U OR ME?I ALWAYS AGREE I TOLD U THE TRUTH.(11:25:40PM)
##PLEASE IT WASN'T ME IN THE VIDEO,I'LL COME&WATCH VIDEO WITH U&YR FRIEND,THEN ASK HR TO PROVE IT TO ME,ALRIGHT?PLZ BEE,DONT SAY IT WAS ME.IT WAS NOT ME(11:27:38PM)
##Ok i promise,i'll be loyal to u.honest,never tell a lie and will love you forever,okey!(11:30:24pm)
##Well.i'll never make u disappointe,but what do u mean by same mistake?(11:46:08pm)
##Yeah sure,i'll try to be same as before.plz dont cry and i love you,i'm sick,i took madicines&i'm going to bed,good night and i love you(12:06:19am-04,march,2009)
##HI MOON .DIM YR LIGHT,HELLO WIND!BREEZE SOFT.HI FLOWER!BLOSSOM SLOWLY.HELLO EARTH!SPIN GENTLY CAUSE MY WIFE IS GOING TO SLEEP.GOOD NIGHT MY LOVE.(12:49:12AM-04.03.2009)
After a week i'm tryingmy new job and places,but i'm still uncomfortable and oesn't believe why i'm here???this is normal feeling i whisper to my self coz i never been in this places before,the places that i'm staying right now is really far from the city.but is really clam and nice places.
I'm staying with friendly family i like them all coz they're treat me really nice and polite(thanks god)
After i done all of my job i send sms to''bilal''the sms quiet funny exacly hehehehe...but it can make me feel comfortable even all of this is fake maybe...this is he's sms:
##U SK YOUR HEART?AM I NEVER ROMANTIC?IM NOT LOYAL?I'M NOT SINCERE?WHO GET ANGRY?U OR ME?WHO START FIGHTING U OR ME?I ALWAYS AGREE I TOLD U THE TRUTH.(11:25:40PM)
##PLEASE IT WASN'T ME IN THE VIDEO,I'LL COME&WATCH VIDEO WITH U&YR FRIEND,THEN ASK HR TO PROVE IT TO ME,ALRIGHT?PLZ BEE,DONT SAY IT WAS ME.IT WAS NOT ME(11:27:38PM)
##Ok i promise,i'll be loyal to u.honest,never tell a lie and will love you forever,okey!(11:30:24pm)
##Well.i'll never make u disappointe,but what do u mean by same mistake?(11:46:08pm)
##Yeah sure,i'll try to be same as before.plz dont cry and i love you,i'm sick,i took madicines&i'm going to bed,good night and i love you(12:06:19am-04,march,2009)
##HI MOON .DIM YR LIGHT,HELLO WIND!BREEZE SOFT.HI FLOWER!BLOSSOM SLOWLY.HELLO EARTH!SPIN GENTLY CAUSE MY WIFE IS GOING TO SLEEP.GOOD NIGHT MY LOVE.(12:49:12AM-04.03.2009)
I'm backkkkk
feb,23,2009
Puih...today at 9.30am i'm going back o hongkong,after more than two months i'm down at MACAU,macau is really small places part of hongkong but it belongs to''PORTUGAL''just need 1 hour trip by ship to reach there.
By the way before i leave macau i need to face macau police for hour,because of my visa problem,yeah i ready staying over there for more than a weeks,then surely they asking me to pay overstay fee.not much actually but i doesn't pay it hehehehehe...little bit nervous of course i thought macau police was really strict but what i was tinking is wrong,they really nice and polite.after they check my passport they ask me wether i'm going to pay theoverstay fee or not,after talking for a while then they askme go to imigration hall,one of the police man smile and ask me to sit down for a while and did asking me the same queston wether i'm pay the overstay fee or not,if not then they will blacklist me for one year.
A minute latter he's giving me a form for my document details,after i finish do the form then they took picture of mine from my front,back,right and left side of my side.and they make sure how tall am i and so they take my both finger print(oh god....)i just feel like an a thief,but anyway all are ready had done heheheehe...
Anyway macau is realy make my life changes hundred persen heheheeh not hundret yet but nearly...before many people know me that i was so'selfish,unkind,and arrogant''but macau really teaching me to be mature and knowing who am i.i much relized and learn how it feel if we didnt have muchmoney for live.that i ready feel it,before i was arrogant and bossful coz i had much money and i can buy anything i want without thinking what will going to be happend next,before i always out for dinner,do big shopping that can speand$10.000 hkd at once.in macau i really learn how to have simple live for future,for now onward i must be great person.
15 minutes i will reach hongkong i feel much happy,but beside that i'm feeling upsed so deeply,god know it very well what was happening 1 month ago.and god know ow i feel right now(My allah please give mepower of live to face all the reality of of this life)
I did must be strong to continue tis live for future even my heart are really hurt i whispering to my self.i believe god always with me and i leaft up everything up to god and time will answer everything.
At 11.30am i reach at shun tak ferry terminal,i walking alone,i was thinking that someone i love will wellcomeme in this time,hug me with love,kiss me and hold my hand,just like other couple that i had seen.but no one was wellcome me when i arriving here,i wanted to cry and feelling really hurting whenever i seen couple long the road,why i cant be like them i keep asking my heart and i cant fine the answer till now.i wanted to cry in every steps i whad walk throught.
MY LIVE SO SADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...!!!!!
Puih...today at 9.30am i'm going back o hongkong,after more than two months i'm down at MACAU,macau is really small places part of hongkong but it belongs to''PORTUGAL''just need 1 hour trip by ship to reach there.
By the way before i leave macau i need to face macau police for hour,because of my visa problem,yeah i ready staying over there for more than a weeks,then surely they asking me to pay overstay fee.not much actually but i doesn't pay it hehehehehe...little bit nervous of course i thought macau police was really strict but what i was tinking is wrong,they really nice and polite.after they check my passport they ask me wether i'm going to pay theoverstay fee or not,after talking for a while then they askme go to imigration hall,one of the police man smile and ask me to sit down for a while and did asking me the same queston wether i'm pay the overstay fee or not,if not then they will blacklist me for one year.
A minute latter he's giving me a form for my document details,after i finish do the form then they took picture of mine from my front,back,right and left side of my side.and they make sure how tall am i and so they take my both finger print(oh god....)i just feel like an a thief,but anyway all are ready had done heheheehe...
Anyway macau is realy make my life changes hundred persen heheheeh not hundret yet but nearly...before many people know me that i was so'selfish,unkind,and arrogant''but macau really teaching me to be mature and knowing who am i.i much relized and learn how it feel if we didnt have muchmoney for live.that i ready feel it,before i was arrogant and bossful coz i had much money and i can buy anything i want without thinking what will going to be happend next,before i always out for dinner,do big shopping that can speand$10.000 hkd at once.in macau i really learn how to have simple live for future,for now onward i must be great person.
15 minutes i will reach hongkong i feel much happy,but beside that i'm feeling upsed so deeply,god know it very well what was happening 1 month ago.and god know ow i feel right now(My allah please give mepower of live to face all the reality of of this life)
I did must be strong to continue tis live for future even my heart are really hurt i whispering to my self.i believe god always with me and i leaft up everything up to god and time will answer everything.
At 11.30am i reach at shun tak ferry terminal,i walking alone,i was thinking that someone i love will wellcomeme in this time,hug me with love,kiss me and hold my hand,just like other couple that i had seen.but no one was wellcome me when i arriving here,i wanted to cry and feelling really hurting whenever i seen couple long the road,why i cant be like them i keep asking my heart and i cant fine the answer till now.i wanted to cry in every steps i whad walk throught.
MY LIVE SO SADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...!!!!!
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