tuesday,december 22-2009
Out of seasons of the year,i love this season of cristmas so much.the festivies,the celebration of christ,the beautiful twinkling and sparkling lights in the shops and each corner of everywhere,they all warm my heart during the icy cold cruel winter.it's like...although people don't really take christmas as celebration of christ's birth...they still celebrate christmas.they gather together and have christmas dinner,family, love.warmth and happiness is all around christmas i love that...
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Off to Thailand
15-november-2009
See you soon friend,i'm going off to holidays now...i'm super duper excited to go to thailand.i've planned my journey and praying that everything will go well and smoothly.can't wait to see there soon.
Holiday mood is on...!!!
See you soon friend,i'm going off to holidays now...i'm super duper excited to go to thailand.i've planned my journey and praying that everything will go well and smoothly.can't wait to see there soon.
Holiday mood is on...!!!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
You Are...
You are the LOVE of my life,
You are the HOPE that I cling to,
You mean more than this world to me...
I wouldn't trade you for silver or gold
I wouldn't trade you riches untold...
You are, You are my everything...
It's amazing, when I think of You, Lord... You mean more than anything that I could describe in this life. Thank you for such a wonderful journey of life with You... Without You, I won't be here and I won't have what I have, I won't even have the life I live right now.
You really foreknew me, ever since I was in the womb. You knitted me and shaped me with Your tender and warm hands. Your caress and embrace, I will never forget. And, above all, how You bring meanings to my life that no dictionaries can ever describe.
You are the reasons for the existence of all my beings, my breath, my smiles, my tears and every bit of me.
"I love YOU" is never be enough
You are the HOPE that I cling to,
You mean more than this world to me...
I wouldn't trade you for silver or gold
I wouldn't trade you riches untold...
You are, You are my everything...
It's amazing, when I think of You, Lord... You mean more than anything that I could describe in this life. Thank you for such a wonderful journey of life with You... Without You, I won't be here and I won't have what I have, I won't even have the life I live right now.
You really foreknew me, ever since I was in the womb. You knitted me and shaped me with Your tender and warm hands. Your caress and embrace, I will never forget. And, above all, how You bring meanings to my life that no dictionaries can ever describe.
You are the reasons for the existence of all my beings, my breath, my smiles, my tears and every bit of me.
"I love YOU" is never be enough
Sunday, June 21, 2009
LOVE
aku mungkin bukan wanita terbaikmu
atau mungkin bukan kekasih impianmu
tetapi aku memujamu seolah kau diatas langit
tak dapat kuraih
namun membuatku ingin selalu memelukmu
aku mungkin bukan perempuan cintamu
atau pendamping hidupmu
tetapi bagiku kaulah raja
yang selalu menguatkan hidupku
Tak mungkinkah aku memilikimU?
atau mungkin bukan kekasih impianmu
tetapi aku memujamu seolah kau diatas langit
tak dapat kuraih
namun membuatku ingin selalu memelukmu
aku mungkin bukan perempuan cintamu
atau pendamping hidupmu
tetapi bagiku kaulah raja
yang selalu menguatkan hidupku
Tak mungkinkah aku memilikimU?
great poem
Are You In Love With Someone?
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short e-mail fromthat special someone than other many long e-mails,you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you wouldnot hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.
While you are reading this e-mail, if someoneappears in your mind,then u are in love with that person.
Love Is Unseen
Kenapa kita menutup mata ketika kita tidur?
ketika kita menangis?
ketika kita membayangkan?
Ini karena hal terindah di dunia TIDAK TERLIHAT...
Ada hal-hal yang tidak ingin kita lepaskan..
Ada orang-orang yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan...
Tapi ingatlah...
melepaskan BUKAN akhir dari dunia..
melainkan awal suatu kehidupan baru..
Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yang menangis,
Mereka yang tersakiti,
mereka yang telah mencari...
dan mereka yang telah mencoba..
Karena MEREKALAH yang bisa menghargai
betapapentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupanmereka...
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short e-mail fromthat special someone than other many long e-mails,you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you wouldnot hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.
While you are reading this e-mail, if someoneappears in your mind,then u are in love with that person.
Love Is Unseen
Kenapa kita menutup mata ketika kita tidur?
ketika kita menangis?
ketika kita membayangkan?
Ini karena hal terindah di dunia TIDAK TERLIHAT...
Ada hal-hal yang tidak ingin kita lepaskan..
Ada orang-orang yang tidak ingin kita tinggalkan...
Tapi ingatlah...
melepaskan BUKAN akhir dari dunia..
melainkan awal suatu kehidupan baru..
Kebahagiaan ada untuk mereka yang menangis,
Mereka yang tersakiti,
mereka yang telah mencari...
dan mereka yang telah mencoba..
Karena MEREKALAH yang bisa menghargai
betapapentingnya orang yang telah menyentuh kehidupanmereka...
SAND AND FOAM
We shall never understand one another
until we reduce the language to seven
words.
Every dragon gives birth to a St. George
who slays it.
Tolerance is love sick with the sickness
of haughtiness.
When my cup is empty I resign myself
to its emptiness but when it is half full
I resent its half-fullness.
Long Did I lie in the dust of Egypt,
silent and unaware of the seasons.
Then the sun gave me birth, and I rose
and walked upon the banks of the Nile,
Singing with the days and dreaming
with the nights.
And now the sun treads upon me with a
thousand feet that I may lie again in the
dust of Egypt.
But behold a marvel and a riddle!
The very sun that gathered me cannot
scatter me.
Still erect am I, and sure of foot do I
walk upon the banks of the Nile.
Strange that we all defend our wrongs
with more vigor than we do our rights.
It was but yesterday I thought myself a
fragment quivering without rhythm in the
sphere of life.
Now I know that I am the sphere, and
all life in rhythmic fragments moves
within me.
Love is the veil between lover and lover.
We are all prisoners but some of us are
in cells with windows and some without
When you reach the end of what you should
know, you will be at the beginning of what
you should sense.
How narrow is the vision that exalts
the busyness of the ant above the singing
of the grasshopper.
My loneliness was born when men praised
my talkative faults and blamed my silent
virtues.
The most pitiful among men is he who
turns his dreams into silver and gold.
Though the wave of words is forever
upon us, yet our depth is forever silent.
One may not reach the dawn save by
the path of the night.
Even the masks of life are masks of
deeper mystery.
Let us not be particular and sectional.
The poet's mind and the scorpion's tail
rise in glory from the same earth.
All our words are but crumbs that fall
down from the feast of the mind.
Mayhap a funeral among men is a wedding
feast among the angels.
Worms will turn but is it not strange
that even elephants will yield?
A traveler am I and a navigator, and
every day I discover a new region within
my soul.
They dip their pens in our hearts and
think they are inspired.
If you can see only what light reveals
and hear only what sound announces,
Then in truth you do not see nor do you
hear.
A woman protested saying, "Of course
it was a righteous war. My son fell in
it."
Remembrance is a form of meeting.
Genius is but a robin's song at the
beginning of a slow spring.
He who would understand a woman, or
dissect genius, or solve the mystery of
silence is the very man who would wake
from a beautiful dream to sit at a
breakfast table.
They spread before us their riches of
gold and silver, of ivory and ebony, and
we spread before them our hearts and our
spirits
And yet they deem themselves the hosts
and us the guests.
You are truly a forgiver when you
forgive murderers who never spill
blood, thieves who never steal,
and liars who utter no falsehood.
I have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant, and kindness
from the unkind yet strange, I am ungrateful
to these teachers.
A truth is to be known always, to be
uttered sometimes.
When a man's hand touches the hand of
a woman they both touch the heart of
eternity.
We often sing lullabyes to our children
that we ourselves may sleep.
Once I saw the face of a woman, and I
beheld all her children not yet born.
And a woman looked upon my face and
she knew all my forefathers, dead before
she was born.
Only once have I been made mute. It
was when a man asked me, "Who are you?"
If your heart is a volcano how shall you
expect flowers to bloom in you hands
When you see a man led to prison say
in your heart, "Mayhap he is escaping
from a narrower prison."
And when you see a man drunken say
in your heart, "Mayhap he sought escape
from something still more unbeautiful
CAHAYA AURAT
Ribuan jilbab berwajah cinta
Membungkus rambut, tubuh sampai ujung kakinya
Karena hakekat cahaya Allah
Ialah terbungkus di selubung rahasia
Siapa bisa menemukan cahaya?
Ialah suami, bukan asal manusia
Jika aurat dipamerkan dikoran dan dijalanan
Allah mengambil kembali cahaya-Nya
Tinggal paha mulus dan leher jenjang
Tinggal bentuk pinggul dan warna buah dada
Para lelaki yang melototkan mata
Hanya menemukan benda
Jika wanita bangga sebagai benda
Turun ke tingkat batu derajat kemakhlukannya
Jika lelaki terbius oleh kekayaan dunia
Luntur manusianya
until we reduce the language to seven
words.
Every dragon gives birth to a St. George
who slays it.
Tolerance is love sick with the sickness
of haughtiness.
When my cup is empty I resign myself
to its emptiness but when it is half full
I resent its half-fullness.
Long Did I lie in the dust of Egypt,
silent and unaware of the seasons.
Then the sun gave me birth, and I rose
and walked upon the banks of the Nile,
Singing with the days and dreaming
with the nights.
And now the sun treads upon me with a
thousand feet that I may lie again in the
dust of Egypt.
But behold a marvel and a riddle!
The very sun that gathered me cannot
scatter me.
Still erect am I, and sure of foot do I
walk upon the banks of the Nile.
Strange that we all defend our wrongs
with more vigor than we do our rights.
It was but yesterday I thought myself a
fragment quivering without rhythm in the
sphere of life.
Now I know that I am the sphere, and
all life in rhythmic fragments moves
within me.
Love is the veil between lover and lover.
We are all prisoners but some of us are
in cells with windows and some without
When you reach the end of what you should
know, you will be at the beginning of what
you should sense.
How narrow is the vision that exalts
the busyness of the ant above the singing
of the grasshopper.
My loneliness was born when men praised
my talkative faults and blamed my silent
virtues.
The most pitiful among men is he who
turns his dreams into silver and gold.
Though the wave of words is forever
upon us, yet our depth is forever silent.
One may not reach the dawn save by
the path of the night.
Even the masks of life are masks of
deeper mystery.
Let us not be particular and sectional.
The poet's mind and the scorpion's tail
rise in glory from the same earth.
All our words are but crumbs that fall
down from the feast of the mind.
Mayhap a funeral among men is a wedding
feast among the angels.
Worms will turn but is it not strange
that even elephants will yield?
A traveler am I and a navigator, and
every day I discover a new region within
my soul.
They dip their pens in our hearts and
think they are inspired.
If you can see only what light reveals
and hear only what sound announces,
Then in truth you do not see nor do you
hear.
A woman protested saying, "Of course
it was a righteous war. My son fell in
it."
Remembrance is a form of meeting.
Genius is but a robin's song at the
beginning of a slow spring.
He who would understand a woman, or
dissect genius, or solve the mystery of
silence is the very man who would wake
from a beautiful dream to sit at a
breakfast table.
They spread before us their riches of
gold and silver, of ivory and ebony, and
we spread before them our hearts and our
spirits
And yet they deem themselves the hosts
and us the guests.
You are truly a forgiver when you
forgive murderers who never spill
blood, thieves who never steal,
and liars who utter no falsehood.
I have learned silence from the talkative,
toleration from the intolerant, and kindness
from the unkind yet strange, I am ungrateful
to these teachers.
A truth is to be known always, to be
uttered sometimes.
When a man's hand touches the hand of
a woman they both touch the heart of
eternity.
We often sing lullabyes to our children
that we ourselves may sleep.
Once I saw the face of a woman, and I
beheld all her children not yet born.
And a woman looked upon my face and
she knew all my forefathers, dead before
she was born.
Only once have I been made mute. It
was when a man asked me, "Who are you?"
If your heart is a volcano how shall you
expect flowers to bloom in you hands
When you see a man led to prison say
in your heart, "Mayhap he is escaping
from a narrower prison."
And when you see a man drunken say
in your heart, "Mayhap he sought escape
from something still more unbeautiful
CAHAYA AURAT
Ribuan jilbab berwajah cinta
Membungkus rambut, tubuh sampai ujung kakinya
Karena hakekat cahaya Allah
Ialah terbungkus di selubung rahasia
Siapa bisa menemukan cahaya?
Ialah suami, bukan asal manusia
Jika aurat dipamerkan dikoran dan dijalanan
Allah mengambil kembali cahaya-Nya
Tinggal paha mulus dan leher jenjang
Tinggal bentuk pinggul dan warna buah dada
Para lelaki yang melototkan mata
Hanya menemukan benda
Jika wanita bangga sebagai benda
Turun ke tingkat batu derajat kemakhlukannya
Jika lelaki terbius oleh kekayaan dunia
Luntur manusianya
~Best Friend~
When I am feeling sorrow and need to talk someone......
you are always there.
when I feel lonely and need to share my thoughts.....
I turn to you and you listen.
when I am feeling joy and want to celebrate.......
you are the to share it with.
You listen you care......
that's what good friends are all about.
I cherish our friendship.....
It is truly a treasure.
I hold your friendship lovingly within in my heart....
Thank you for being my friend
you are always there.
when I feel lonely and need to share my thoughts.....
I turn to you and you listen.
when I am feeling joy and want to celebrate.......
you are the to share it with.
You listen you care......
that's what good friends are all about.
I cherish our friendship.....
It is truly a treasure.
I hold your friendship lovingly within in my heart....
Thank you for being my friend
Best friend
Is like a light in darkness
make a hope to come true
who holding me thide when I falling
who push me when I stop up I love your soft kisses
I love your soft touch
His my spirit I love the way you bite your lip
my soul go with him I love you sooooo much
where ever I go
He go with me I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smile
When I cry he cry I love the way you're shy sometimes
when I smile he smile Every once and a while
he make me happy
when the life so lonely
I love it when you look at me
by: RHR when I'm not looking at you
you think I do not realize it
LOVE But really ...............I do
Love is a undefination thing
who make good anythink I love the way you cuddle
can make smile in the sadness I love the way you sleep
and make cry in the happyness I love the way you rub and your neck
when you are thinking so deep
It can fly in the wing
turn on in the land I love all of you
make some one still to life your nose, your lips, your hair, your feet
with the kind of beyond belive I will never stop loving you
you are so amazingly sweet
Love is not only a beautyful thing
but also stuped thing I love that I love you
make a smile and cry I have loved you from the very start
in the life or die I LOVE ALL OF YOU
I now hand you the key to my heart
Love is a friendship
many people want to get it by: Aang gunawan
I don't know why it happen
this situation make 'love'
undefination......
Jiwa
Resah bimbang tak menentu
takut aku merajai diriku
apa aku takut untuk mencoba
sesuatu yang kuanggap itu mimpi
akankah hal itu benar-benar terjadi
aku tak tahu
bingung pun merajai pikiranku
aku tidak tahu
Tapi aku percaya akan sesuatu
bahwa aku memiliki kekuatan
tuk melawan ketakutanku
dan membuat mimpiku menjadi
nyata..
make a hope to come true
who holding me thide when I falling
who push me when I stop up I love your soft kisses
I love your soft touch
His my spirit I love the way you bite your lip
my soul go with him I love you sooooo much
where ever I go
He go with me I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smile
When I cry he cry I love the way you're shy sometimes
when I smile he smile Every once and a while
he make me happy
when the life so lonely
I love it when you look at me
by: RHR when I'm not looking at you
you think I do not realize it
LOVE But really ...............I do
Love is a undefination thing
who make good anythink I love the way you cuddle
can make smile in the sadness I love the way you sleep
and make cry in the happyness I love the way you rub and your neck
when you are thinking so deep
It can fly in the wing
turn on in the land I love all of you
make some one still to life your nose, your lips, your hair, your feet
with the kind of beyond belive I will never stop loving you
you are so amazingly sweet
Love is not only a beautyful thing
but also stuped thing I love that I love you
make a smile and cry I have loved you from the very start
in the life or die I LOVE ALL OF YOU
I now hand you the key to my heart
Love is a friendship
many people want to get it by: Aang gunawan
I don't know why it happen
this situation make 'love'
undefination......
Jiwa
Resah bimbang tak menentu
takut aku merajai diriku
apa aku takut untuk mencoba
sesuatu yang kuanggap itu mimpi
akankah hal itu benar-benar terjadi
aku tak tahu
bingung pun merajai pikiranku
aku tidak tahu
Tapi aku percaya akan sesuatu
bahwa aku memiliki kekuatan
tuk melawan ketakutanku
dan membuat mimpiku menjadi
nyata..
Friday, April 10, 2009
Hard to trust again
29,march,2009
Can i ever get back??will i ever be whole again??or is that what love about constantly giving of my self continually turn to god to fill me with it self,who is love it self??i dont want to come to the point where i'm empty and have nothing left to give.i'm so scared to trust again,where is the balance GOD???????
I dont want to hurt but i dont want to miss at on love!!my fears are great but i know i have to endure the pain and risk frusting again,GOD lead me forward,i desire to follow you anywhere you want me to go.
Can i ever get back??will i ever be whole again??or is that what love about constantly giving of my self continually turn to god to fill me with it self,who is love it self??i dont want to come to the point where i'm empty and have nothing left to give.i'm so scared to trust again,where is the balance GOD???????
I dont want to hurt but i dont want to miss at on love!!my fears are great but i know i have to endure the pain and risk frusting again,GOD lead me forward,i desire to follow you anywhere you want me to go.
Longing for closeness
29,march,2009
As progress become more evident,i became more frustrated when i'd slip into old protective habits,just when i thought i was free,painfull issues from the past came back to haunt me,sometimes it seemed i was taking only one step forward and five steps back.
Many times i became frustrated and wanted to give up,why continue this relationship and fighting so hard when each victory preceded a frustating defeat??
i feel so depressed i haven't cried this much more than a week,the old thoughts of despair and hopelessness are back.
I thought i had dealt with everything,but every once in a while past knocks me for a loof and i relize there are many issues yet to be resolved and that hurts,it isn't fair at all.....
I wonder what kind of person i'd be today??i keep thinking about all the years while i had my happiness of live.there's so much i wish i could change....
As progress become more evident,i became more frustrated when i'd slip into old protective habits,just when i thought i was free,painfull issues from the past came back to haunt me,sometimes it seemed i was taking only one step forward and five steps back.
Many times i became frustrated and wanted to give up,why continue this relationship and fighting so hard when each victory preceded a frustating defeat??
i feel so depressed i haven't cried this much more than a week,the old thoughts of despair and hopelessness are back.
I thought i had dealt with everything,but every once in a while past knocks me for a loof and i relize there are many issues yet to be resolved and that hurts,it isn't fair at all.....
I wonder what kind of person i'd be today??i keep thinking about all the years while i had my happiness of live.there's so much i wish i could change....
Umbrella of sadness
29,march,2009
Right now i'm sitting on my bed thinking and crying my eyes out,i feel so alone like there's no one who will listen from the looks of things now,it doesn't seem like i'll ever be truly happy.i had so many dreams,but they are all fading fast,i'm scared i'll feel like this forever,i dont see the point of going on.
I thought about my life and my relationship constantly and sank into a deep depression that lasted for months.huddled under an ever present umbrella of sadness,i wondered if i would ever feel joy again,my sleeping patterns changes and althought i slept most of time,i still battled fatigue,irritability and moodiness.
But i'm beginning to relized somethings there is so much rage inside me that needs to come out and i have a short fuse.i never caunly talk through a problem with the other person,i either yell and scream or ignore the person i'm mad at while seething inside it has become a habit for me.
Right now i'm sitting on my bed thinking and crying my eyes out,i feel so alone like there's no one who will listen from the looks of things now,it doesn't seem like i'll ever be truly happy.i had so many dreams,but they are all fading fast,i'm scared i'll feel like this forever,i dont see the point of going on.
I thought about my life and my relationship constantly and sank into a deep depression that lasted for months.huddled under an ever present umbrella of sadness,i wondered if i would ever feel joy again,my sleeping patterns changes and althought i slept most of time,i still battled fatigue,irritability and moodiness.
But i'm beginning to relized somethings there is so much rage inside me that needs to come out and i have a short fuse.i never caunly talk through a problem with the other person,i either yell and scream or ignore the person i'm mad at while seething inside it has become a habit for me.
U didn't care about me
28,march,2009
Today i was sitting alone at the window side of my bedroom,raining pouring outside really heavy.seem like my tears keep on rolling down since four months ago.another time i was so quiet listening to rain drop.suddenly my fone was ringging,it shown somebody number that i really know it very well.yeah it's ROCK was calling me and i was so excited and happy to pick up the fone and say hi to him...i though he was care about me from he's deep heart.but then i was wrong...at all,he calling me only when he's needed money.
Oh my GOD pls help me to open he's heart,i want truly love and serious relationship not fake love like this.everything i ready put him at first than my own family but he treat me badddddddddd......
I truly doesn't like he's habit at all,he's habit make me sick all the time..but he's dont care about thathe only know somebody must be fulfill what he want and never think where and how hard to get it,but after he get everything he want he will ignoring that person even only to pick up a phone or replay sms he's seems dont have time for it.
I think he was much selfish when someone else need he's helped he only can give promissing,i much relized about that now and what i treat him before was wrong.i thought he will helping me but not at all,when i was down seems more worse to kick me away,no any helped or support at all.
I really feel hurt about itbut i only can keep it without saying out to other.god pls helped me to face this all and give me power to stand with all of this feeling.
Today i was sitting alone at the window side of my bedroom,raining pouring outside really heavy.seem like my tears keep on rolling down since four months ago.another time i was so quiet listening to rain drop.suddenly my fone was ringging,it shown somebody number that i really know it very well.yeah it's ROCK was calling me and i was so excited and happy to pick up the fone and say hi to him...i though he was care about me from he's deep heart.but then i was wrong...at all,he calling me only when he's needed money.
Oh my GOD pls help me to open he's heart,i want truly love and serious relationship not fake love like this.everything i ready put him at first than my own family but he treat me badddddddddd......
I truly doesn't like he's habit at all,he's habit make me sick all the time..but he's dont care about thathe only know somebody must be fulfill what he want and never think where and how hard to get it,but after he get everything he want he will ignoring that person even only to pick up a phone or replay sms he's seems dont have time for it.
I think he was much selfish when someone else need he's helped he only can give promissing,i much relized about that now and what i treat him before was wrong.i thought he will helping me but not at all,when i was down seems more worse to kick me away,no any helped or support at all.
I really feel hurt about itbut i only can keep it without saying out to other.god pls helped me to face this all and give me power to stand with all of this feeling.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Postive emotions awakened
27,march,2009
But asi learned to express the negative emotions i had suppressed so long,i found i was making room for positive emotions to reawakend as well.little by little life seemed less of a burden.god began to show me signs of true living.i began to:SMILE,LAUGH AND FEEL A JOY i hadn't felt for more than four months.
Even tears were a gift i was becoming more comfortable with my emotions.i still had a hard time talking about my feelings,but at least i was finally feeling again.i prefered anything over the deadness i'd known for so long.being a live means experiencing fully life's joy and sorrow,laughter and tears.the joy make the pain more bearable,and the pain makes the joy that much sweeter.
The bud was begining to blossom a sweet delight to my soul,the metamorphosiscame withpain,as i continued to find out.yet some how that made the transformation even more beautiful.
With hope again within my grasp,i reached out and clung to it with everything in me,the light was beginning to pierce the darkness of my soul,and i was so thankful.maybe god had been listening to my pleas.for mercy all along the nightmares hadceased and the fear was lessening as i continued to expose the monster to the light.
But asi learned to express the negative emotions i had suppressed so long,i found i was making room for positive emotions to reawakend as well.little by little life seemed less of a burden.god began to show me signs of true living.i began to:SMILE,LAUGH AND FEEL A JOY i hadn't felt for more than four months.
Even tears were a gift i was becoming more comfortable with my emotions.i still had a hard time talking about my feelings,but at least i was finally feeling again.i prefered anything over the deadness i'd known for so long.being a live means experiencing fully life's joy and sorrow,laughter and tears.the joy make the pain more bearable,and the pain makes the joy that much sweeter.
The bud was begining to blossom a sweet delight to my soul,the metamorphosiscame withpain,as i continued to find out.yet some how that made the transformation even more beautiful.
With hope again within my grasp,i reached out and clung to it with everything in me,the light was beginning to pierce the darkness of my soul,and i was so thankful.maybe god had been listening to my pleas.for mercy all along the nightmares hadceased and the fear was lessening as i continued to expose the monster to the light.
Peace Place
27,march,2009
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Anger an honest Emotion
25,march,2009
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
I must let it go
25,march,2009
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Addictive and authentic love says:
21,march,2009
Add;1)I cant live without u,you give my live meaning...
aut:1)I can live without ubut i choose not to.
2)You make me feel valuable when i'm with you,i'm somebody..
2)I'm a valuable person and you affirm value to me.
3)I cant make it on my own...
3)I can make iton my own,having you as my part of my life make it easier.
4)I want you to be a total part of my life,an i want to be a total part of yours.
4)We are two separate people with individual lives to lead i encaurage you to
pursue your interest and i will pursue mine,this kind of space and divers
sity is good for us.
5)All the hard times are worth the good times,i will be there no matter what
happens.
5)Love should seek another's highest good,to the best of my abality,i will do that
for you...
6)I cant bear to think of you sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone
else,you aretheonly one who has ever understood me.
6)We are richer for sharing our lives with other people,i encourage you to have
other close relathiomship.
7)You should be sensitive to my neds,i have feelings,youknow and i need you
to take that into consideration.
7)Mutuality is the glue that holds us together,i enjoy you and in that enjoyment many of my needs for importance belonging and intimacy are met.
8)If u really care you will threat me the way i need to be threated to feel good.
8)I will accept the way u show me you care about me,sometimes i may have to ask u abt yr actions,but generally i will take at face value what you say an do.
Add;1)I cant live without u,you give my live meaning...
aut:1)I can live without ubut i choose not to.
2)You make me feel valuable when i'm with you,i'm somebody..
2)I'm a valuable person and you affirm value to me.
3)I cant make it on my own...
3)I can make iton my own,having you as my part of my life make it easier.
4)I want you to be a total part of my life,an i want to be a total part of yours.
4)We are two separate people with individual lives to lead i encaurage you to
pursue your interest and i will pursue mine,this kind of space and divers
sity is good for us.
5)All the hard times are worth the good times,i will be there no matter what
happens.
5)Love should seek another's highest good,to the best of my abality,i will do that
for you...
6)I cant bear to think of you sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone
else,you aretheonly one who has ever understood me.
6)We are richer for sharing our lives with other people,i encourage you to have
other close relathiomship.
7)You should be sensitive to my neds,i have feelings,youknow and i need you
to take that into consideration.
7)Mutuality is the glue that holds us together,i enjoy you and in that enjoyment many of my needs for importance belonging and intimacy are met.
8)If u really care you will threat me the way i need to be threated to feel good.
8)I will accept the way u show me you care about me,sometimes i may have to ask u abt yr actions,but generally i will take at face value what you say an do.
Friday, March 20, 2009
To be Invisible
20,march,2009
Because i based my self esteem on what others thought of me,unknowingly i gave thempower to define my value,i wanted-needed-everyone to like me,so i became a people pleaser,trying to blend in,i didn't like my self but i desperately wanted to believe that someone did.
From the time started i wanted to be invisible,i was quiet and very private to avoid being hurt,mocked,or rejected.i rarely revealed my feelings or opinion.
I find my self believing in my daydreams so strongly that i get hurt and disappointed when reality hits me,my daydreams are very unrealistic,i know that but it helps me escape.
Because i based my self esteem on what others thought of me,unknowingly i gave thempower to define my value,i wanted-needed-everyone to like me,so i became a people pleaser,trying to blend in,i didn't like my self but i desperately wanted to believe that someone did.
From the time started i wanted to be invisible,i was quiet and very private to avoid being hurt,mocked,or rejected.i rarely revealed my feelings or opinion.
I find my self believing in my daydreams so strongly that i get hurt and disappointed when reality hits me,my daydreams are very unrealistic,i know that but it helps me escape.
New places
march,03,2009
After a week i'm tryingmy new job and places,but i'm still uncomfortable and oesn't believe why i'm here???this is normal feeling i whisper to my self coz i never been in this places before,the places that i'm staying right now is really far from the city.but is really clam and nice places.
I'm staying with friendly family i like them all coz they're treat me really nice and polite(thanks god)
After i done all of my job i send sms to''bilal''the sms quiet funny exacly hehehehe...but it can make me feel comfortable even all of this is fake maybe...this is he's sms:
##U SK YOUR HEART?AM I NEVER ROMANTIC?IM NOT LOYAL?I'M NOT SINCERE?WHO GET ANGRY?U OR ME?WHO START FIGHTING U OR ME?I ALWAYS AGREE I TOLD U THE TRUTH.(11:25:40PM)
##PLEASE IT WASN'T ME IN THE VIDEO,I'LL COME&WATCH VIDEO WITH U&YR FRIEND,THEN ASK HR TO PROVE IT TO ME,ALRIGHT?PLZ BEE,DONT SAY IT WAS ME.IT WAS NOT ME(11:27:38PM)
##Ok i promise,i'll be loyal to u.honest,never tell a lie and will love you forever,okey!(11:30:24pm)
##Well.i'll never make u disappointe,but what do u mean by same mistake?(11:46:08pm)
##Yeah sure,i'll try to be same as before.plz dont cry and i love you,i'm sick,i took madicines&i'm going to bed,good night and i love you(12:06:19am-04,march,2009)
##HI MOON .DIM YR LIGHT,HELLO WIND!BREEZE SOFT.HI FLOWER!BLOSSOM SLOWLY.HELLO EARTH!SPIN GENTLY CAUSE MY WIFE IS GOING TO SLEEP.GOOD NIGHT MY LOVE.(12:49:12AM-04.03.2009)
After a week i'm tryingmy new job and places,but i'm still uncomfortable and oesn't believe why i'm here???this is normal feeling i whisper to my self coz i never been in this places before,the places that i'm staying right now is really far from the city.but is really clam and nice places.
I'm staying with friendly family i like them all coz they're treat me really nice and polite(thanks god)
After i done all of my job i send sms to''bilal''the sms quiet funny exacly hehehehe...but it can make me feel comfortable even all of this is fake maybe...this is he's sms:
##U SK YOUR HEART?AM I NEVER ROMANTIC?IM NOT LOYAL?I'M NOT SINCERE?WHO GET ANGRY?U OR ME?WHO START FIGHTING U OR ME?I ALWAYS AGREE I TOLD U THE TRUTH.(11:25:40PM)
##PLEASE IT WASN'T ME IN THE VIDEO,I'LL COME&WATCH VIDEO WITH U&YR FRIEND,THEN ASK HR TO PROVE IT TO ME,ALRIGHT?PLZ BEE,DONT SAY IT WAS ME.IT WAS NOT ME(11:27:38PM)
##Ok i promise,i'll be loyal to u.honest,never tell a lie and will love you forever,okey!(11:30:24pm)
##Well.i'll never make u disappointe,but what do u mean by same mistake?(11:46:08pm)
##Yeah sure,i'll try to be same as before.plz dont cry and i love you,i'm sick,i took madicines&i'm going to bed,good night and i love you(12:06:19am-04,march,2009)
##HI MOON .DIM YR LIGHT,HELLO WIND!BREEZE SOFT.HI FLOWER!BLOSSOM SLOWLY.HELLO EARTH!SPIN GENTLY CAUSE MY WIFE IS GOING TO SLEEP.GOOD NIGHT MY LOVE.(12:49:12AM-04.03.2009)
I'm backkkkk
feb,23,2009
Puih...today at 9.30am i'm going back o hongkong,after more than two months i'm down at MACAU,macau is really small places part of hongkong but it belongs to''PORTUGAL''just need 1 hour trip by ship to reach there.
By the way before i leave macau i need to face macau police for hour,because of my visa problem,yeah i ready staying over there for more than a weeks,then surely they asking me to pay overstay fee.not much actually but i doesn't pay it hehehehehe...little bit nervous of course i thought macau police was really strict but what i was tinking is wrong,they really nice and polite.after they check my passport they ask me wether i'm going to pay theoverstay fee or not,after talking for a while then they askme go to imigration hall,one of the police man smile and ask me to sit down for a while and did asking me the same queston wether i'm pay the overstay fee or not,if not then they will blacklist me for one year.
A minute latter he's giving me a form for my document details,after i finish do the form then they took picture of mine from my front,back,right and left side of my side.and they make sure how tall am i and so they take my both finger print(oh god....)i just feel like an a thief,but anyway all are ready had done heheheehe...
Anyway macau is realy make my life changes hundred persen heheheeh not hundret yet but nearly...before many people know me that i was so'selfish,unkind,and arrogant''but macau really teaching me to be mature and knowing who am i.i much relized and learn how it feel if we didnt have muchmoney for live.that i ready feel it,before i was arrogant and bossful coz i had much money and i can buy anything i want without thinking what will going to be happend next,before i always out for dinner,do big shopping that can speand$10.000 hkd at once.in macau i really learn how to have simple live for future,for now onward i must be great person.
15 minutes i will reach hongkong i feel much happy,but beside that i'm feeling upsed so deeply,god know it very well what was happening 1 month ago.and god know ow i feel right now(My allah please give mepower of live to face all the reality of of this life)
I did must be strong to continue tis live for future even my heart are really hurt i whispering to my self.i believe god always with me and i leaft up everything up to god and time will answer everything.
At 11.30am i reach at shun tak ferry terminal,i walking alone,i was thinking that someone i love will wellcomeme in this time,hug me with love,kiss me and hold my hand,just like other couple that i had seen.but no one was wellcome me when i arriving here,i wanted to cry and feelling really hurting whenever i seen couple long the road,why i cant be like them i keep asking my heart and i cant fine the answer till now.i wanted to cry in every steps i whad walk throught.
MY LIVE SO SADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...!!!!!
Puih...today at 9.30am i'm going back o hongkong,after more than two months i'm down at MACAU,macau is really small places part of hongkong but it belongs to''PORTUGAL''just need 1 hour trip by ship to reach there.
By the way before i leave macau i need to face macau police for hour,because of my visa problem,yeah i ready staying over there for more than a weeks,then surely they asking me to pay overstay fee.not much actually but i doesn't pay it hehehehehe...little bit nervous of course i thought macau police was really strict but what i was tinking is wrong,they really nice and polite.after they check my passport they ask me wether i'm going to pay theoverstay fee or not,after talking for a while then they askme go to imigration hall,one of the police man smile and ask me to sit down for a while and did asking me the same queston wether i'm pay the overstay fee or not,if not then they will blacklist me for one year.
A minute latter he's giving me a form for my document details,after i finish do the form then they took picture of mine from my front,back,right and left side of my side.and they make sure how tall am i and so they take my both finger print(oh god....)i just feel like an a thief,but anyway all are ready had done heheheehe...
Anyway macau is realy make my life changes hundred persen heheheeh not hundret yet but nearly...before many people know me that i was so'selfish,unkind,and arrogant''but macau really teaching me to be mature and knowing who am i.i much relized and learn how it feel if we didnt have muchmoney for live.that i ready feel it,before i was arrogant and bossful coz i had much money and i can buy anything i want without thinking what will going to be happend next,before i always out for dinner,do big shopping that can speand$10.000 hkd at once.in macau i really learn how to have simple live for future,for now onward i must be great person.
15 minutes i will reach hongkong i feel much happy,but beside that i'm feeling upsed so deeply,god know it very well what was happening 1 month ago.and god know ow i feel right now(My allah please give mepower of live to face all the reality of of this life)
I did must be strong to continue tis live for future even my heart are really hurt i whispering to my self.i believe god always with me and i leaft up everything up to god and time will answer everything.
At 11.30am i reach at shun tak ferry terminal,i walking alone,i was thinking that someone i love will wellcomeme in this time,hug me with love,kiss me and hold my hand,just like other couple that i had seen.but no one was wellcome me when i arriving here,i wanted to cry and feelling really hurting whenever i seen couple long the road,why i cant be like them i keep asking my heart and i cant fine the answer till now.i wanted to cry in every steps i whad walk throught.
MY LIVE SO SADNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...!!!!!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Two weeks
Two weeks from now...
I'll huged you more than i've hugged you before
I'll kiss you like never kissed before.
And i'll love you more than ever each day
See you soon!!!
I'm so looking forward to share with you the days i speant without you.
And even more excited to share all the future days with you!!!
And even never again...i hope and pray we never be far from you...
LOVE YOU DARLING....
I'll huged you more than i've hugged you before
I'll kiss you like never kissed before.
And i'll love you more than ever each day
See you soon!!!
I'm so looking forward to share with you the days i speant without you.
And even more excited to share all the future days with you!!!
And even never again...i hope and pray we never be far from you...
LOVE YOU DARLING....
Friday, February 20, 2009
God Knows
When you feel tired and hopeless bcoz all your efforts turn out to be nothing
God knows how hard you have tried...
When you cried for so long,yet your heart is still painful
God has counted your teardrops
When you think that your life is waiting for something and time goes so fast
God is waiting with you
When you feel lonely and your friends are too busy to call you
God is always by your side...
When u think you have tried everything and don't know what else to do.
God has the answer...
When everything does not make sense and you feel depressed
God can calm you down...
When you suddenly see a trace of hope..
God is whispering to you
When everything goes well and you feel like givingthanks
God hass blessed you
When something beautifull happends and you are filled with awe
God has smiled to you..
When you have vision to fulfill and dreams to make them come true...
God has opened you eyes called you by name...
Remember that wherever you are facing....
God knows...
Thanks for being
I thank the lord for putting you into my life..
Though i never say it openly,i'am amazed and grateful..
For who you are...
For your warmth,cares and loving kindness...
For always being on my side and protecting me,
Wiping,my tears and cheering me up.
You always succeed to put smiles on my face and fill my days with laughters....
I learn to understand the purity of your love...
Through the sparkle of your eyes...
Through the smiles on your face...
Through the kisses of your lips...
I learn you are being true...
When you say''dont worry!!leave the worry to me''
You embrace me with warmth...
I learn too cherish you,to miss you...
To open my heart and give you space inside it...
I learn to say with all my heart''i love you''
Missing you
I missing you babe...but what can i do???i also dont know wether ur missing me there or not!!!Everytime i think of you,i feel as if my soul wants tp f;y tp where you are.it's been a while since the last time i talked about you.if you noticed,lots been going on between us:many discussions,some misunderstandings,bit of jokes,arguments and other things,but plenty of laughs and love.
We are doing fine and happy,although sometimes he is too busy doing research that it can be difficult for us to find time to talk with each other.however i'am ha[[y that we continually send emails to each other and our trust getting stronger.our faith growing mature.
My v day-surprise call!!!
friday,20,feb,2009
While i was busy checking my emails around 11 p.m,my mobile phone was ringing....ANYNOMOUS CALL**who could it be???i was surprised to hear his voice.it was my dear friend rafe....
I was so happy to have conversationwith him,it was much such a sweet surprise,although it was only a 7-minutes conversation.i can feel how caring he is,but...that's not enough for him.and just now when i opened my email,i found an e-card from him.i really never expected to recieve such sweet gifts at all,but he left me amazed.
While i was busy checking my emails around 11 p.m,my mobile phone was ringing....ANYNOMOUS CALL**who could it be???i was surprised to hear his voice.it was my dear friend rafe....
I was so happy to have conversationwith him,it was much such a sweet surprise,although it was only a 7-minutes conversation.i can feel how caring he is,but...that's not enough for him.and just now when i opened my email,i found an e-card from him.i really never expected to recieve such sweet gifts at all,but he left me amazed.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
What is inside my mind????????
This time why did i remember about that video again???and my feeling tell me in sure that it was''rock''i remember on that time i try to call him 3 times but he doesn't want to answer my call,and so when i asking him he said he go to sham tsui po to buy battrei without bring his mobile phone?its really impossible right??and also when on new year eve i did call him many2 times but he doesn't answer my call,i guest he also enjoying the night with her female friend without telling me b4,or sometimes he dont have much time with me since in HK he speand with his female friend??and much more??or even he ask for money he use to buy any stuff for his chinese female friend??i fell really hurt abt it.i did give him everything and try to give him the best,telling him anything but why he done that to me??when he fell happy why did he kick me away??but whenever he need something why he did come to me?is it i'm he;s toys??my ALLAH pls help me to find this answer and pls give punishment to someone who hurt me and play behind me,only u my ALLAH who i have in this words and who can only help me(amin)my tears running down in my paintfull heart.
**for someone who really make me*feel hurt**
**for someone who really make me*feel hurt**
Knit
Well...to get my stress of my brain,i'm starting to knit scarf again.yeah another scarf i finished one when just arriving in macau.i was intending to make it for my self,but my friend rafe likes it at the first minute he saw it,when he was visiting me in macau,besides,he needs one anyway since winter has arrive at his place and he bad cold that day b4 he visiting me.so...i give it to him,i was happy that he wears it alot for work and whenever he going.he's mum and he's sister in law told me to make more for spme family and other relatives there coz they like it so much...(hang on second!!i only have two hands and this really depends on my mood hahahaha....)
I also made one brown scarf for my bro and he's wearing at sometimes when he going out at night time**happy**I think i can make business out of it prety much now,but now i am still learning to do simple pattnerns now,so still a beginner......
Sometimes i do stress out when i make a mistake,especially if i spot it after i am already geting so far from it,i have to take off all the knits untill the wrong spot and do them all over again.but...it's just taking quiet some times to finish it,that's all....
SPECIAL THANKS TO RAFE THAT INTRODUCE ME TO HE'S FAMILY IN PAKI,AND THANKS ALSO TO ALL OF THEM THAT GIVING ME NICE WELLCOMING,I FEEL REALLY HAPPY FOR IT,,,,AND I'M ALSO HAPPY HE'S LIKE THE KNIT THAT I GIVE IT TO HIM...THANKS RAFE...U REALLY MAKE ME MUCH HAPPY THAT I NEVER HAD FOR LONG..LONG TIME...AND UR 1ST PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME SMILE SO BRIGHT AFTER MUCH DISAPPOINTED FELLING I HAD,I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS...
To someone
It's already happening
Things that i fear the most...
Things that i don't want to see,feel or notice...
But i knew it,i knew it...
It's happening and i won't stop it
It is better that way....
Because...wether i like or not,it will still happend
For i had let go,i had loosen my hold
One day,it will be understood...
That this is for the better future,for the happiness.
I hope it is not mistakenly percieved
Love is the base of my decision..
Let this go with the flow..
Even if it hurts and breaks me down
I know for sure.it won't be wasted.
-to someone.whom dearly to me-
Things that i fear the most...
Things that i don't want to see,feel or notice...
But i knew it,i knew it...
It's happening and i won't stop it
It is better that way....
Because...wether i like or not,it will still happend
For i had let go,i had loosen my hold
One day,it will be understood...
That this is for the better future,for the happiness.
I hope it is not mistakenly percieved
Love is the base of my decision..
Let this go with the flow..
Even if it hurts and breaks me down
I know for sure.it won't be wasted.
-to someone.whom dearly to me-
Did i'm wrong??
THURSDAY,19,FEB,2009
I DON'T NEED LOVE ANYMORE BUT I NEED SOMEONE WHO REALLY UNDERSTAND ME,TRULY LOVE ME,SINCERE,POLITE,LOYAL.RAFE...DID I WRONG WHEN U SAID U LOVE ME I HAD FEEL IT THE SAME TOO???????BUT I ALSO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE BESIDE THAT...I ALSO STILL LOVE ROCK EVEN NOT LIKE B4,AFTER I KNOW THAT VIDEO I TRY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH UUUUUUUUUU...IS IT I'M WRONGGGGGGGG????????PLS TELL MEEEEEEEEE.....EVEN FALL IN LOVE WITH U IS HARD FOR ME,BUT EVERYTHING IS UP 2 TIME....THANKS DEAR FOR GIVING ME MUCH SUPPORT SINCE I'M IN MACAU BY EMAIL,SMS,AND PHONE CALL EVERYDAY.I'M HAPPY COZ I HAVE SOME1 TO TALK WITH,THANKS ALSO FOR VISITING ME HERE,SOME1 I LOVE CAN'T DO LIKE WHAT U HAD DO,BUT I MUCH HAPPY OTHER PEOPLE DO ALL OF THIIIIIS,,,REALLY THANK YOU FOR IT.
I DON'T NEED LOVE ANYMORE BUT I NEED SOMEONE WHO REALLY UNDERSTAND ME,TRULY LOVE ME,SINCERE,POLITE,LOYAL.RAFE...DID I WRONG WHEN U SAID U LOVE ME I HAD FEEL IT THE SAME TOO???????BUT I ALSO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE BESIDE THAT...I ALSO STILL LOVE ROCK EVEN NOT LIKE B4,AFTER I KNOW THAT VIDEO I TRY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH UUUUUUUUUU...IS IT I'M WRONGGGGGGGG????????PLS TELL MEEEEEEEEE.....EVEN FALL IN LOVE WITH U IS HARD FOR ME,BUT EVERYTHING IS UP 2 TIME....THANKS DEAR FOR GIVING ME MUCH SUPPORT SINCE I'M IN MACAU BY EMAIL,SMS,AND PHONE CALL EVERYDAY.I'M HAPPY COZ I HAVE SOME1 TO TALK WITH,THANKS ALSO FOR VISITING ME HERE,SOME1 I LOVE CAN'T DO LIKE WHAT U HAD DO,BUT I MUCH HAPPY OTHER PEOPLE DO ALL OF THIIIIIS,,,REALLY THANK YOU FOR IT.
It's not the same
After fiew weeks i'm thinking about it two defferent guy coming into my live,and surely i can't choose one of them.another one name''rock''i do love him and i also know that he ready hurting me so much behind his love,and he always not beside me whenever i was down,but he always have to any other people.and another one name''rafe''he's nice to me,giving me much support while i was in macau,visiting me and all of that,i did cry on him while i was need shoulder to lend for while.he understand me so much,he give me much support and all that.i'm feeling so comfortable beside him.
he's understand my felling not like rock who only know how to talk and giving me much promises without any proof.oh my god(allah)pls help me to choose between two of them for my future.i did ask my heart abt it and who i truly love,but i can't take any answer of it.
i know also''rock''much lie to me,but everything up 2 time and up to allah who know everything than me.well why did i like rafe???he's much sincere,tell everything in truth,never ever lie to me.never let my tears down on my cheek,never ever make me disappointed and angry.he's polite and loyal.whenever he goes somewhere and with who he always tell me in truth.even little thing like his friend coming to his home he always told me who is that and blah..blah....i really proud about him.i keep on crying and ask my self why did someone i love not do the same as him???did i treat rock that bad so he treat me bad also??playing bad game behind me and keep another love or female friend without telling me anything??god(allah)pls help me open this misterius game that rock had play behind me,i hope so.
GOD PLS HELP ME OUT OF THIS MISTERIUS GAME THAT''ROCK''HAD PLAY BEHIND ME.I DONT HAVE MUCH PATIENCE FOR IT,I WANT HAPPY LIFE LIKE I HAD B4.
Damn
thursday,19,feb,2009
I JUST HATE MY RIGHT NOW PERIOD!!!1
Two months,what can be worse than it????
don't you tell me that maybe i'm stress,cause i have enough heard that word...hehehheh....
ok...maybe i'm STRESS!!!
and i blame it to MY VISA that should be release as soon as possible!!!
Damn those effing rules!!!Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........
Astaghfirullah...
Forgive me ya allah.....x)
I JUST HATE MY RIGHT NOW PERIOD!!!1
Two months,what can be worse than it????
don't you tell me that maybe i'm stress,cause i have enough heard that word...hehehheh....
ok...maybe i'm STRESS!!!
and i blame it to MY VISA that should be release as soon as possible!!!
Damn those effing rules!!!Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........
Astaghfirullah...
Forgive me ya allah.....x)
Tagged
thursday,19,feb,2009
15 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME THAT SHOULD U KNOW!!!!
***I'm typical CANCER girl who live far away from HOME in a beautiful country named''HONGKONG''.
***I consider MY SELF as open minded*i guessed x)
***I can't easy forgive and i'll never easy to FORGET
***I LOVE black,white,blue sky,ice cream,dancing,and travelling.
***I'm NOT really a nice person*people always think and say that about me in our first meeting*
***I'm a fan of AC-MILAN and HARRY POTTER since i was kid
***I have passion in FASHION and PHOTOGRAPHY
***I wanted to be a sucses person
***I wish i already married BEFORE turn 25 years old
***I love musics,books,and movies
***I collecteing MICKEY MOUSE staff
***I have lots of BAD habit and also GUILTY pleasure
***I LOVE my parents and my self more than anything in this effin'world
15 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME THAT SHOULD U KNOW!!!!
***I'm typical CANCER girl who live far away from HOME in a beautiful country named''HONGKONG''.
***I consider MY SELF as open minded*i guessed x)
***I can't easy forgive and i'll never easy to FORGET
***I LOVE black,white,blue sky,ice cream,dancing,and travelling.
***I'm NOT really a nice person*people always think and say that about me in our first meeting*
***I'm a fan of AC-MILAN and HARRY POTTER since i was kid
***I have passion in FASHION and PHOTOGRAPHY
***I wanted to be a sucses person
***I wish i already married BEFORE turn 25 years old
***I love musics,books,and movies
***I collecteing MICKEY MOUSE staff
***I have lots of BAD habit and also GUILTY pleasure
***I LOVE my parents and my self more than anything in this effin'world
Monday, February 16, 2009
An Instant Thought
tuesday,17,feb,2009
I relised lately i haven't had time to have a deep thought about anything specific,it is as if when i try to do so,there is always something to distract me,ideas still come up new lessons of the reality in life always bring some kind of amazement how people,and even i,missed the fact of how meaningful and sweet the things that happend in life,how little things that you do can mean so much to others around me.how some things that you think will be acceptable to others,turn out to be really irritatings to them.
Some people like i do,try to please everybody around them without even thinking about wether he or she will enjoy it or not in their own life.i gradually that i cannot please anyone without sacrifing something inside me,my own sastifaction and the feeling of enjoyment.
I relised lately i haven't had time to have a deep thought about anything specific,it is as if when i try to do so,there is always something to distract me,ideas still come up new lessons of the reality in life always bring some kind of amazement how people,and even i,missed the fact of how meaningful and sweet the things that happend in life,how little things that you do can mean so much to others around me.how some things that you think will be acceptable to others,turn out to be really irritatings to them.
Some people like i do,try to please everybody around them without even thinking about wether he or she will enjoy it or not in their own life.i gradually that i cannot please anyone without sacrifing something inside me,my own sastifaction and the feeling of enjoyment.
I Want to go home
tuesday:17 feb 2009
I have been saying that setence so many lately,over this week i have been really homesick...i want to be at home,i want to feel the togetherness of my family again,we dont have much time to gather together as a whole family.i dont know it is just this week that i feel emotionally homesick.
I heard english people on the bus saying that they are going home on friday for the weekend.i wish i really wish my home is also not great distance from where i'am right now.no matter how much i'm used to living by my self,there are times when i really feel so home sick and want to go home.
I have been saying that setence so many lately,over this week i have been really homesick...i want to be at home,i want to feel the togetherness of my family again,we dont have much time to gather together as a whole family.i dont know it is just this week that i feel emotionally homesick.
I heard english people on the bus saying that they are going home on friday for the weekend.i wish i really wish my home is also not great distance from where i'am right now.no matter how much i'm used to living by my self,there are times when i really feel so home sick and want to go home.
Our special day
Yuppie...at 12.00 feb 2009(hk time)is our first anniversary.in the middle of the night on 14 feb 2008 in paki,12 o'clock in HK,heheheheh...in same year and date,by telephone and internet chatting we started our relationship together after knowing each other for a fiew months and after he was waiting for fiew weeks also.the first time he send me mail use(touching_guy@hotmail.com/prince_of_hongkong@yahoo.com).
Nice sweet memory that i don't think i will ever forget...i never loved anyone before him.well looking back.it was not easy for both of us especially being far away from each other most of time,but as long as we trust each other and believe that we will always find a way.i'm sure we will survive,and we had survive the beginning of our relationship...everyday is a new chapter for us.
How i wish...to be close to you right now??but i know my heart is with you always...I LOVE YOU BABE BILAL...
Saturday, February 14, 2009
nice
''NOTHING GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU''
If i had to live my live
Without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you i see
Forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love brfore
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and
We both know they'll take us where we
Want to go,holde me..
Touch me now i don't want
To live without you...
Nothing gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now
How much I LOVE YOU
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now
How much I LOVE YOU
The world may change my
Whole life thru but..
NOTHING'S GONNA
CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU
If the road a head is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I be there for you
If you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now,touch me now
I don't want to live without you
SONGS FOR MY DEAR BABE''BILAL''
Hmmmm saturday
Saturday,14,feb,2009
Today was started with breakfast at McCafe west coast,it's pretty brand new,i like the place a lot,i think this one is the coolest place to hang out in MACAU.The danish is quiet yummy,but the cofee is a bit over price if i compared with HK(or maybe in HK,the price has been increased already,but yeti dont know)
I was enjoying my breakfast,suddelly the first annoyance happened,CALVIN said he was forgot to bring his handphone,then luckily today is saturday and quiet relax day in the history so far.secondly everytime i tried to concentrate to my book which i purposely brought along with me to read while enjoying my breakfast.CALVIN always commented or talked something to me,Thirdly a group of guys arrived and seated atthe back of my chair.after i look at them then i stand up go to washroom for a while,while i came to the table and meet CALVIN i showed red scarf and tissue there that writed...?(on picture above)i was laughing so laudly afterthat till CALVIN think what was going on with me hahahahahah....then i said just forget it xixixixix
On the way,suddenly CALVIN phone ring....i was quiet MAD at him considering he said that he forgot to bring his hp,but actually it was inside his right hand pocket instead of the usual one in the left hmmmmmmm.....
Today was started with breakfast at McCafe west coast,it's pretty brand new,i like the place a lot,i think this one is the coolest place to hang out in MACAU.The danish is quiet yummy,but the cofee is a bit over price if i compared with HK(or maybe in HK,the price has been increased already,but yeti dont know)
I was enjoying my breakfast,suddelly the first annoyance happened,CALVIN said he was forgot to bring his handphone,then luckily today is saturday and quiet relax day in the history so far.secondly everytime i tried to concentrate to my book which i purposely brought along with me to read while enjoying my breakfast.CALVIN always commented or talked something to me,Thirdly a group of guys arrived and seated atthe back of my chair.after i look at them then i stand up go to washroom for a while,while i came to the table and meet CALVIN i showed red scarf and tissue there that writed...?(on picture above)i was laughing so laudly afterthat till CALVIN think what was going on with me hahahahahah....then i said just forget it xixixixix
On the way,suddenly CALVIN phone ring....i was quiet MAD at him considering he said that he forgot to bring his hp,but actually it was inside his right hand pocket instead of the usual one in the left hmmmmmmm.....
New strange habits
Sunday,15,feb,2009
Last sunday morning i was preparing the breakfast,i looked out through my window nothing happend.i took a carton of milk from the fridge then look out of thewindow,the ambulance was parking in the middle of the road,i tried to find out what was happening outside,i looked right and left,finally saw a small bicycle was laying under the front part of the van.
I wondered how the rider was,was he alright,was something bad happend to him??but no trace of blood.after stunned there quiet a while i saw the paramedics carried back the bed,it was empty,then i felt scared.but finally i saw the paramedics was carrying the boy,it was only his hand,think the might break his arm.after that incident suddenly i felt nausea,then i blood started to withdraw nearly fainted.it is becoz of the accident??i mean i can not see any accident at all??never known i can't stand this type of things before.then last night suddenly blood flowed out through my left nose,hmmm quiet weird usually this type of things only happens on children.but i have no history of nose bleeding at all during my chilhood...but now like newly found habbits.
Last sunday morning i was preparing the breakfast,i looked out through my window nothing happend.i took a carton of milk from the fridge then look out of thewindow,the ambulance was parking in the middle of the road,i tried to find out what was happening outside,i looked right and left,finally saw a small bicycle was laying under the front part of the van.
I wondered how the rider was,was he alright,was something bad happend to him??but no trace of blood.after stunned there quiet a while i saw the paramedics carried back the bed,it was empty,then i felt scared.but finally i saw the paramedics was carrying the boy,it was only his hand,think the might break his arm.after that incident suddenly i felt nausea,then i blood started to withdraw nearly fainted.it is becoz of the accident??i mean i can not see any accident at all??never known i can't stand this type of things before.then last night suddenly blood flowed out through my left nose,hmmm quiet weird usually this type of things only happens on children.but i have no history of nose bleeding at all during my chilhood...but now like newly found habbits.
My picture
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PoKo/s1600-h/1_852096622l%5B1%5D.jpg">
Friday, February 13, 2009
Spa Manicure
I had just my manicure and pedicure done this eveing with CALVIN,after long wait and
just an unpleasant encountered with the voxy counter at bugis*puuuuiiiiihhhh**
Yesterday i went to the counter about 5.45pm then the girl said next available time slot will be 07pm,so CALVIN said ok to wait,then we went for our dinner first at dim sum,quiet boring food and made my stomach weird...actually my body felt weird since yesterday afternoon...came back to the counter about 6.47pm,the girl just ignored us then we decided to go out again and came back at 07 pm,the girl try to ignored us again then i just stayed there,didn't care...finally she attended to us then said sorry maybe we could come back at 8.30pm,but finally i gave up i said''no''and said i'll came back next time...
But this afternoon i called the counter again,but finally the girl said i could come at 06.00pm,when me and calvin arrived it was still 05,45,and the girl asked me to come back at 06.00pm,oh shitttttttt...both of us said together hihihi....actually the girl had nothing to do at all...but i followed her instruction and came back at 06.00pm.not bad she did it straight away,and i also asked if there's possibility to do pedicure as well.she said let's see,but finally she did it for both of us...Got incident the girl cut my finger and bleed,she apologised so many time but i said it's ok...you know me well right??i'm alays nice to everybody...but overall experience good...i'm sure we;ll come back for next visit...now my hands and feet are so smooth like a baby...just same as CALVIN hand too....happyyy and thanks my friend....
Valantine's Day
saturday,14,feb,2009
With our LOVE>>dayz are>>Sadday,Moanday,Tearsday,Wasteday.Thirstday,Fightday,Shatterday<<
This morning i recieved surprise number one,CALVIN came and visit me and bought me a dozen of pin roses.
Surprise number two,he picked blue colour wrapped and pink ribbon,my favorite colours*wow****
I'm so much happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy but not totally complete yet coz no any present from''rock''huh...so bad and so saddddddddddddd i feel.
With our LOVE>>dayz are>>Sadday,Moanday,Tearsday,Wasteday.Thirstday,Fightday,Shatterday<<This morning i recieved surprise number one,CALVIN came and visit me and bought me a dozen of pin roses.
Surprise number two,he picked blue colour wrapped and pink ribbon,my favorite colours*wow****
I'm so much happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy but not totally complete yet coz no any present from''rock''huh...so bad and so saddddddddddddd i feel.
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