27,march,2009
But asi learned to express the negative emotions i had suppressed so long,i found i was making room for positive emotions to reawakend as well.little by little life seemed less of a burden.god began to show me signs of true living.i began to:SMILE,LAUGH AND FEEL A JOY i hadn't felt for more than four months.
Even tears were a gift i was becoming more comfortable with my emotions.i still had a hard time talking about my feelings,but at least i was finally feeling again.i prefered anything over the deadness i'd known for so long.being a live means experiencing fully life's joy and sorrow,laughter and tears.the joy make the pain more bearable,and the pain makes the joy that much sweeter.
The bud was begining to blossom a sweet delight to my soul,the metamorphosiscame withpain,as i continued to find out.yet some how that made the transformation even more beautiful.
With hope again within my grasp,i reached out and clung to it with everything in me,the light was beginning to pierce the darkness of my soul,and i was so thankful.maybe god had been listening to my pleas.for mercy all along the nightmares hadceased and the fear was lessening as i continued to expose the monster to the light.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Peace Place
27,march,2009
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Today i discovered a quiet place,a place so serence it's almost magical.it's muddy creek surrounded by the most beautiful woods i've ever seen for all twenty years.as i sit here in the midst of it all,i open my eyes and ears for the first time and soak in the sights and sounds of the current gently moving along,the birds chirping and the wind blowing.
I find peace here,it's a place where i can get away from all the strunggles of life and find renewed strength and quiet possibly.the will to live,i usually do everything in my powerto stay out of the woods,this experience has been something special.
Buds are popping out of the trees,a sign of spring new beginings.it's so nice to see everything turning green,maybe this is a sign that seasone of winter in my soul is soon over too(i hoped so)
Anger an honest Emotion
25,march,2009
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
As i continued to deal with anger i learn it's an honest emotion,but the question is???what am i going to do with it??i can't burry it within again and again,i dealt with my anger issue it effected many of my relationships,not knowing how to handle it appropriately.i often allowed it to fester poisoning my friendship.
I remember a week before CALVIN and I have been huge fight for the past fiew weeks,and i know a lotof it is my fault,we talked everything out and i relize even more that because of my own problem with my boyfriend.i can't handle conflic,tention,and anger very well.as we talked i cried the whole time.he was so panic and feel so sorry.
I didnt relize how many emotions i still have walled up inside of me.he were very encouraging and supportive,he's said''IT WAS GOOD THINGS THIS FIGHT HAPPENED''because i can work on handling anger and conflict better now instead of facing this marriage someday and possibly ruining that relationship.
I must let it go
25,march,2009
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
There comes a time when i must let go of what helpedme survive and discover how truly live,the path of freedom lead straight through the pain,not away from it yet victim face a great battle when i refuse to deaden my souls any longer to the agony.the irony is that i fights to avoid pain will only continue to live with it.to embrace life i need to first embrace the pain,denying it lead to emotional and spiritual death.
Pain isn't necesarrily a bad thing it tells me that something needs attention,pain is GOD'S warning signal that something needs to be brought to the HEALER.
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